Scared of adoption?

Question

I'm scared of getting adopted. I was fostered a bit ago, but i was placed in a children's home because i went slightly off the rails. Ive got allot better since, and made up with my brothers who i wasn't very pleasant too, but im scared of being adopted. I don't want to admit it to my social worker, because she may think im a wuss. Its just what if they don't like me once they've adopted me? or what if i go bad again? or what if they're really strict and wont let me see my friends or brothers again? (there slightly....Odd) I know its my last chance to have a family, and i don't want to ruin it. im just scared of what may happen. what should i do?

Answer 1

It is ok to be scared!  Very normal.  I would agree that talking with your social worker about your feelings would be a good thing.  I do not know the details of your situation but it seems that you might feel like you need to be tough to survive.  Be honest!  You need to be able to trust people again as you have with your brothers.  Tell the social worker you want to stay in contact with your brother if you are adopted so she can pass that on to the family.  Odd parents are very likely as everybody I know has them!  It is about acceptance, honesty, and trust!

Answer 2

aww. I'm pretty sure whoever adopts you will love you! That's why they're adopting you. Talk to you social worker, she won't think you're a wuss (I'm pretty sure all kids are scared of getting adopted at some point!) She can talk to your adoptive parents and tell them you concerns, so they can tell you what's going to happen. No one with a heart would just take you away from your friends and family.

Answer 3

wow!  it takes a lot of courage to be so honest.  that's really awesome:)

i think your feelings are rather normal!  if you told your SW, i highly doubt she would be surprised.  if you tell her the truth, i bet she could point you in the right direction to get help, either thru her or a therapist.

i think what you describe is very common with people in your situation.  as an adult adoptee, i have a very hard times believing people will not leave me, and i think with you being so honest about it, so young, you have a much better chance as getting help with this.

i wish you all the best:)

Answer 4

Hi!  Thanks for asking a very honest and open question.

I don't think there's anything wrong or abnormal about your feelings. It's normal to be apprehensive.  Adoption is supposed to be permanent and it sounds as though you haven't had a lot of that in your life.  

It's expected that older children and teens are not coming to their adoptive families as clean slates.  You've had experiences, you have other relatives and you've made connections to friends throughout your life.  Especially if you will be moving to a new area, you may feel that you will be losing these connections.  I don't think any adoptive parents will expect you to pretend these events and people in your life never happened.  I am sure that if you talk to your social worker, he/she can relay those concerns to the adoptive family.  All of the adoptive families I know (including mine!) will try to facilitate these connections.  If you are moving far away, it may be mostly by phone and email, with vacations to visit, but there would still be contact.

Please talk to your social worker about your fears and concerns.  You won't be bringing anything up that your social worker hasn't heard before, so don't be afraid of her reaction.  Your feelings and concerns are very normal, even expected.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

You really have some courage asking this question in here.  Good for you.  You are definitely NOT a wuss.  You sound like you've been through alot already.  I think you should talk to your social worker.  Or a school counselor who may be able to talk to your social worker if need be just to start the conversation.

If your adoptive parents really love you they will stand behind you and love you unconditionally...  but if you think that they won't be a good match- and you have other concerns, I think you should talk to someone soon.

Voice your concerns.  Explain how important your brothers are to you.  Eplain that you are wondering what will happen if you mess up.  Ask if they are willing to stand with you and help you get through it.  

Take care and be strong for yourself.

Answer 6

Honey, you need to admit these feelings to your social worker.  She's not going to think you're a wuss - it's very reasonable to be worried.  Think about it like this: people get married all the time, right?  And given that they're adults and they've chosen to get married, they're still freaking out, right?  There's a reason all those blokes faint at the altar!

And as for being worried they won't like you, I can understand that.  We all know things about ourselves that make us think "Geez, I'm not such a great person."  However, people around us don't see those things.  They see good things about us, they see some of our faults, but generally an adopting family has had to work very hard to pick someone very special - in this case, you.

Please, talk to your social worker, and have faith in yourself.