Scottie & Lottie part III: Is it any good?

Question

The adventure begins

As Scotty and Lottie leave the den

moonlight gleams down

upon the pristine lawn...

-No wait, that's a street light,

never mind.

(So much for romanticism)

They hop a few feet,

being discreet,

for it's Lottie's

first time around...

Scotty:Now wait Lottie, wait, I'll make sure it's OK. It's just over there, across the way.

Lottie:Whadd'ya mean 'across the way?' That is where those roaring things are!

S: Stop worrying. There aren't many and night. Besides, their eyes glow and you can see them coming from far,far away.

L: Well...

S: It's all clear. Ready?

L: (Mustering courage) OK. READY!

S: Remember to zig-zag!

And off they go, zigging and zagging, zagging and zigging-

CLUNK!

Scotty and Lottie lay dazed in the grass across the road.

L: Scotty, You klutz! You zagged when you should have zigged! I swear you'll be the death of me, not some dumb guard!

S: Shhhh!!!

And speaking of the guard...

Answer 1

Yes it is.  Nice work.

Answer 2

"Hi!"

Good Morning to you.

It was a very funny, creative and unique poem. I quiet enjoyed it.

very lovely my dear, very lovely. : )

Answer 3

It is smashing - (piece of old English slang)- as usual you have got this spot on - I'm beginning to really warm to these two rabbits.

  Correction 'There aren't many AT night' and we spell discrete like this, do you Americans spell it 'discreet'?

Just think how much money the writer of Watership Down got...(and his story wasn't even funny) keep on writing.

Answer 4

The poets are becoming masters of the dialogue poem.  You have joined them, big time.  This was very funny and very well written.

Answer 5

Watership Down is a classic book, and though I've never read it, I'm sure this has a great deal of the flavor, seeing as it is about the intricacies of the lives of rabbits. It's one of my friends favorites. I cannot wait to see where this adventure will take my two favorite bunnies. And what shape will this menacing "guard" take? Off to the next!

Answer 6

Star worthy!

Answer 7

Hopefully Spam and Pam do not become ham!  A very enjoyable read...the saga of Scotty and Lottie.

Answer 8

I like it.  These lines made me smile somewhat:

"-No wait, that's a street light,

never mind.

(So much for romanticism)"