Second Parent Adoption?

Question

Me and my partner have been together for 10 yrs and are having a baby through AI in about 8 weeks. We already have a 8 yr old. We are desprite to get any help in Louisiana that may help my partner get as much custody as possible of both children.

We have both raised our first child and feel that it is ashamed that she has no rights over her.

We believe we are great parents and our first child is amazing and we could not ask for a better life and family. I sometimes forget that our family is so different and so unacceptable and in times like this it makes me realize that it is not assumed that my partner may get custody of both children if something happens.

What can we do? I don't believe second parent adoption is legal in Louisiana.

Answer 1

Yeah that is true a shame. There may be some hope for you, according to wikipedia and you would have to double check this with your state. It says that in some jurisdictions in Louisiana that a same s*x partner can petition to adopt their partner’s children.  If you all cant do this.  I would urge you to declare in your will that your  partner  will be the children’s legal  guardian  should you die or become incapacitated (coma, vegetable state etc) before the kids are 18.

Answer 2

I am not sure many states allow 2-mothers or 2-fathers to actually be on the birth certificate but, did find a link to a story in 2006 where it happened in New York.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/16/nyregi...

While some states allow same s*x adoptions I do believe that only one of the parents is listed as the parent on the birth certificate.

So......... the next best thing I think possible is perhaps Gaurdianship -- Living Wills -- and Wills may help....

I was actually very surprised a few years ago... My life long best friend (another woman) had type 1 diabetes and the complications were starting to add up... She was also the single mother of her son.... As things kept progressing her health needs took center stage and some of the actual "legal" paperwork didn't even get finished in the proper way....

She appointed me as the "decision" maker for any matters about life support... Even though I have always understood this was a huge issue with same s*x couples and medical issues.... The hospital didn't even bat an eyelash and I think they believed we were a couple... no questions were asked.

She had also hand written a "will" which was Never noterized or filed.... A copy had however been given to her primary doctor. In the Hand Written Will she made me the executor of her estate and named another family as the future caregivers for her son....

I was impressed as to how her wishes were respected. I was asked to make a life and death choice about support and knowing her wishes as I did my only hesitation was reguarding her son.... I "waited" to make a decision because I wanted to be right with Him.... as it turned out she peacefully passed and I never actually needed to say--pull the plug thank God!

I was stunned that there was little issue with her handwritten requests and no questions about the family who took care of her son... Really it was amazing....

During the last several years of her life she was blind---and could not walk... She was able to make some "legal" arrangements to appoint me and the other family to take care of his school needs, enrollment, conferences, we were also part of his IEP (special education) team... We signed report cards and could pick him up from school.... We were able to take him to the doctors....

I believe that with a good attorney there should be some kind of method that you would have in order to appoint another person as having some rights with your child. I mean there are so many family situations now a days it would seem logical...

Before I married my husband he and his sister parented her daughter together for 12 years... He was the uncle but not the father and they has some legal documents allowing him to act in a more parental role...  Power of Attorney for Each other and I keep thinking it was a Guardianship agreement made with him....

It seems like there must be so many "Co-Parenting" tools out there... I don't think your situation would be that much different then a woman living with a man who wasn't the father of her child....? I would assume that the man in that case would have little or no real authority unless there were legal documents and a marriage--and even then that man would not have Parental rights....

This is an interesting situation. I am going to spend some time investigating this issue as a retired insurance agent I am always interested in Risk Management and find that your situation is something so many family units must be dealing with on one level or another in this country.... Give me a few days because I also would like to run this whole thing by a few lawyer friends we know....

For me there are way too many important issues to consider when it comes to the care of our children and the whole debate over same s*x family status issues should NOT Damage children.... The way I see it how I feel about your lifestyle doesn't matter--but, the fact you co-parent children and the children have the right to have their best interests protected is primary!

I would hate to see some of the thoughts going through my mind come to pass for an innocent child... I mean honestly what happens 5 years down the line should God Forbid anything happen to you? I can only imagine! And with such hostility about ths topic I could picture a bunch of people not caring about the needs and feelings of the children involved.

Answer 3

I have to give it to you because me and my partner don't have any kids and we are looking into adoption and her have one, but it is hard. It goes through my head all the time. What if something happens to her what will happen to our kids. I mean I am vary close to her family and we are looking into getting married, but I told her she will have to leave it in a will or something because if her family took our kids away from me I don't know what I will do. I know you are going to have to research it for your state and see what they say, but if all fails make a will and let each others family members know what where you want the kids to go with. I hope and wish the best for you guys. Take care