Seeking advice for my 3 year-old who bites at preschool?

Question

My son turned 3 at the beginning of September. At the same time, we enrolled him in a wonderful Montessori preschool program. This is his first exposure to any type of preschool or daycare program. He loves going to school, and his teacher tells me he is very sweet & bright, follows instructions well, and is eager to participate. However, he has now had 3 incidents of biting another child. His teacher says he does this in conflict situations and/or when he feels frustrated (e.g., another child taking something from him). Interestingly, these incidents occur on the playground, not in the classroom. His teacher tells me that since he is so young, it is nothing to truly be concerned about, and that we all must be consistent in addressing the behavior and teaching him to use words to express anger or frustration. I guess I'm looking for reassurance that this is not abnormal behavior, and I'd also like any advice on ways to deal with the problem. Is he perhaps not yet ready for school?

Answer 1

Leave him be.  He'll grow out of it.

We all did weird things as a child.

Answer 2

A lot of little kids bite. I do not think it is anything to worry about, just something that needs to be corrected. If you just (and the teacher) continue to let him know that its not ok to bit, then he should grow out of it. good luck

Answer 3

my 7 year old cousin did that when she was 2 and 3 years old. she grew out of it but the best way to get him out of it is everytime he does it you take something away from him and tell him he'll get it back in a certain amount of days and everytime he does it do the same thing but take it longer. also explain to him that its not good to do that and he could get sick that way. and if he likes going tell him your not going to let him go anymore if he does it again.

Answer 4

you safe, the last time i bite my sister i was 9 years old, when i was young, a spanking, not a beating, was the answer to get your attention and keep it pointed in the right direction.

i am 55 and still believe that spanking, not beating, is a good way to teach a child right from wrong, to me time out just gives them more time to think of ways to get into trouble.

Answer 5

As a lot of people said before me, a lot of little kids bite or hit etc. It's just because they don't know how to store their anger yet. So just keep talking to him about it and give him appropriate punishments.

Answer 6

he bites?

Answer 7

My daughter, at 2 1/2 to 3 1/4 was a hitter/grabber/kicker, also in conflict situations. The more moms I talked, the more I heard that it is normal, or at least it happens a lot. We do not believe in spanking/hitting/violence at home, so she did not learn that behavior from us. It's true that little ones just don't have the communication skills to express their feelings. We need to help them learn those skills, or other ways to express their feelings.

I took a class called "Pushing the Limits" through a community child behavior center in southern California. I learned to pay very close attention to all of the circumstances around her violent outbursts. In our case, it happened mostly when she had skipped breakfast. She was grouchy because she was hungry and wasn't able to identify hunger as the cause of her bad mood. Along with making sure she was equipped with ample snacks, we did a lot of role playing of what to do in conflict situations.

This might sound weird but we were given homework assignments to have "special time" with our kids three times a week. This is a 15 minute session where the kid gets our full attention and gets to pick whatever game/activity we do and gets to tell us what to do, completely... even how to feel. In those 15 minutes I learned so much about my daughter, and myself.

Good luck.

BTW... I hope nobody here tells  you to spank or bite your kid back. That will only reinforce the behavior.

Answer 8

To be completely honest he's going to be just fine. I had the same problem when I was in pre-school. You just need to teach him that hurting someone just because he doesn't get his way isn't the way to handle it. Once he learns that biting is not ok then you won't have any problems. Seems a little cruel I know but every time he bites you could make him bite the soap bar, then eventually he would associate biting someone with having to bite that bar of soap. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

First of all, forget the rude answer red top gives.  Biting is normal.  I have taught early headstart and regular headstart for some time now.  I deal with kids who bite everyday.  Usually it's out of frustration of not being able to express theymselves.  Sometimes it's out of anger if another won't share...the list goes on.  If the children are teething that may have something to do with it too.  Much of the advice you've been given by others here is good advice.  Keep explaining that biting hurts.  As your child learns more words the biting incidents will diminish.  

Lastly, all kids bite at one time or another.  Some do it more than others.  It's not your fault or anyone else's so don't let that red top person make you think so.  Good luck.

Answer 10

most little kids go through a "biting"phase especially little boys I'm sure it will pass but still give him some kind of punishment(no dessert or a smack on the hand)it will sure pass soon though

Answer 11

the mothyer teaches him not bite not the teacher he should have been taught that a the first bite

Answer 12

This is absolutely normal for the age, the first time in school situation, and the teacher is right... teaching him ways to "use his words" will really help.  Young children are still in the "me" stage... they are very egocentric and believe that everything revolves around them.  This is why they have to be taught to share- they believe everything truly belongs only to them! : )   The situations you describe (conflicts with another child, frustration) are the most common reasons a child bites.  Obviously this teacher is trained enough to recognize the reasons that your child is biting others, which is a big help in being able to modify the behavior.  Behaviors such as this are not an indicator that he is not ready for school, it just shows that he has limited experience dealing with issues that come from being in a group.  He lacks social experience.  Time will help take care of most of the problem... as he matures, and his language abilities develop, the biting will subside (as long as the teachers are addressing the behavior and showing him how to use words to get his message across).  The best things to do:

-Call attention to times when others are hurt, feeling sad, angry or disgusted.  Talk to your son about the name of that feeling, and what it means; "He fell down and hurt his leg.  That made him sad.  He is crying."  It may seem like a "no-brainer" to figure out why someone is feeling a certain way, but it is not obvious to children.  They don't understand the abstract concept of feelings yet.

- Talk about what happens when your son does something to someone else. "When you pushed Jimmy, it made him sad."  Calling attention to the cause and effect of feelings helps to show your child that what they do can affect others.  They need to understand that another person can have the same feelings they do in order to understand to be empathetic.

- Show him facial expressions.  Find a book about feelings that shows the facial expressions of those feelings (or you can make faces in a mirror).  Showing children how to recognize feelings on another person's face will help them be able to recognize what another person is feeling.

Answer 13

3 years old is too young for school unless you don't have time for him anymore......4  is good for preschool age kids 5 yrs if he is the only child....... conflict situation of anger and frustration does sometimes cause this kind of reaction  ...my kids went thru them also....

Answer 14

Assuming you've already warned your child at least once (which is all it should take since a child is supposed to obey their parent) the next time you simply say "what did I tell you about biting?" and they'll tell you that you said "not to bite".  Then you you whoop them (couple good swats on their ***) and tell them they better listen to you next time.  

The abnormal behavior will come in when the child grows up thinking that he doesn't have to listen.  There is no quicker or enduring punishment than spanking (not beating) for those of you that are ready to call protective services haha.

I can't tell you how many people have told me over the years how well behaved my kids are.  And they are happy kids who understand that there is no reason to hit or harm another person except in self-defense.  Or if that person is their child and they are teaching them how to be a respectful human being.

Trust me it only takes 1 time to get the point across...twice if they are stubborn.

Answer 15

this is good thing,