Seeking advice from anyone hsv positive?

Question

So here is the story. I dated a wonderful man for 3 years. We broke up a few months ago. I began dating again and have slept with one man. At my request, he was tested for stds before we slept together, and I was also tested after we slept together. Both of our tests were clean. He ended up sleeping with someone else right before and also after he was tested (in other words: he is a real jerk). I'm not seeing this man anymore, but about 3 weeks ago, I began experiencing symptoms of Hsv (genital and oral), and I STILL have the sore throat. I can't go to the dr because I am away from home, visiting my family until next month. So for now, all I really have access to is online research. Basically I'm devastated. I'm so depressed. I pray it is hsv1 but I'm fairly certain it's hsv2. For a couple days after I first experienced the symptoms, I couldn't even eat. All I wanted to do was sleep. It's all I ever think about, and at the end of the day, my head hurts from thinking so much and I am always glad to go to bed and just forget about it for a while. I cry all the time. I didn't used to be so... dramatic, but I can't help it. Basically, before this happened, I was this funny, smart, confident, vegetarian college student who was a little confused about her love life and now I'm... a fraction of what I once was. I feel ugly, diseased, and worthless. I feel so... hopeless. I keep telling myself that this doesn't change my personality but I hardly believe it. And my best friend of 11 years told me "If you do have it, it's not the end of the world." I know she means well, but being married with 3 children, she just can't understand. And my ex bf and I are talking about continuing our relationship of 3 years, and I'm terrified to tell him! I love him very much and it feels like if we got back together, I might be able to be okay with this, but... at the same time, in my head, he is just too good for this. And I feel selfish for even considering a relationship with him instead of leaving him alone to live a normal life. And if I gave it to him, how could he ever forgive me? How could I forgive myself? And I understand that you can get married, and have children and take medication to prevent the baby from getting hsv2, but... how in the heck do you even get pregnant without infecting your husband? Did I miss something? Basically, I'm just asking for any advice from anyone who is hsv2 positive or anyone in a relationship with someone who is hsv2 positive. How do I ever feel like myself again? How do I stop feeling so d**n sorry for myself all the time? How do I stop thinking about things I could have changed because it doesn't make a difference now? How do I ever like myself again? How do I ever feel worth anything? How do I like life again? How do I ever feel attractive or s**y again? The idea feels like a joke to me. I'm asking for any point of view that has helped you or someone you know who is hsv2 positive. I just want to like who I am again and feel like maybe everything will be okay someday. Not necessarily today, but just someday.

Also, any vitamins, creams, anything you have used that has helped. I bought some lysine recently and am taking 2 pills a day. Here is a list of vitamins I always took before I began experiencing symptoms: woman's multi-vitamin, flaxseed oil, zinc, cranberry, a probiotic formula, garlic, b6, b12

I also want to say that I am not promiscuous and I have ALWAYS preached about safe s*x. I have never been the type of person to sleep with someone I don't know well, and I don't sleep with multiple people. I am a relationship person and I am faithful. I just... trusted the wrong person.

Also I'm terrified of accidentally giving it to one of my family members and I have read a lot of conflicting information. Can you get it from toilet seats, bath towels, sharing razors, deodorant, etc?

Thank you so much for any help. Honestly, I appreciate it so much. I'm so scared, and I feel so hopeless.

Answer 1

You will be fine! I'm sure we were all there at first...I know i felt like c**p! I had a very bad outbreak when i first came into contact with hsv. I couldn't walk for 6 days dehydrated myself so i wouldn't pee and scream bloody murder! It was the worst pain I ever experienced in my lifetime.

That being said I'm ok now and if it is herpes that you have you will be too.  Pain don't last always and the those negative feelings that you have will go away! I promise!  I'm not a woman who sleeps around and i got it.  I will be so glad when the social stigma is lifted of our shoulders. You said yourself "I hope it hsv 1 and not 2"...both are herpes so why one more than the other?

You will find that happy place again and your life will change but not for the worst. You can make it positive. Be healthier, happier, and more selective then before...those are all good life changes.

Answer 2

Believe me, you are not alone!  All of your feelings are normal.  It is devastating.  Life will never be what it used to be, BUT you will find a new normal.  It will take a while to get there, but you will.  A lot of people get depressed and go through all the motions you are going through.  EVERYBODY would take the day of infection back if they could.

Herpes are contagious from skin to skin contact.  It has to be direct contact.  If it makes you feel better, spray the toilet with lysol after you use it.  Then you won't have to worry about spreading it to other family members.  If you take Valtrex every day, you can lower your chances of spreading it to a boyfriend.  When you are not having an outbreak or any signs of an outbreak, this would be the safest time to conceive.  It is possible to have s*x and/or conceive without infecting your partner.

Taking the vitamins you take should help a great deal with keeping your immune system strong.  Coconut oil is another immune booster, you might want to try.

I'm sorry about the pain I know you are feeling.  You just have to remember, you are not alone.  It is normal every day people with this virus.  We are not whores or dirty people, we are just unfortunate.

If you ever need to talk, you can mail me.

Answer 3

Try going to a free clinic/clinic in the area you are in now, they can be found at http://www.hivtest.org for STD testing sites. Herpes can't be protected by a condom. Maybe it isn't herpes. Get it checked out soon so you can rest. You only have to tell your ex if you two are guaranteed a life together, other then that he doesn't have to know. Also if you tell him, he might love you for you and except you anyway you are. As for having a baby, the doctor well give you the proper care as far as informing you about taking antiviral meds. If you were to have HSV2 they will only deliver the baby by c-section if you were having an outbreak. Be careful, good luck.

Answer 4

It is quite uncanny how exact our situations are. i was dating a guy for 3 years, i'm still in love with him, but we needed to take a break. i started dating someone else for a while, had s*x with him, i dont know why to this day, because i'm not that kind of person, and he gave me herpes. i had the most horrible painful outbreak the first time. i couldnt walk. it hurt to stand up, sleep, go to the bathroom. i kept thinking "why me? i have some of the sluttiest friends who are careless, and i'm always so careful (i got it and we used a condom), but why me?i dont do things like this, and i'm always SO worried about something like this happening. still to this day i'm having a problem dealing with it. i think about it everyday, and wonder "who will ever want me? i'm broken". the guy who gave it to me lied to my face about having it, still says it wasn't him, which its funny because there isn't any possibly way it couldn't have been him. i hate him. i was so angry for son long (i've had it for 6 months now) and thought how could he do this to me? and still be in denial and be giving it to other girls? and i hate him. i don't know how i will ever be able to forgive him, but you kind of have to make a choice. you can either let it ruin you or you can rise above it and say "listen, i have this. its not going away. i can either deal with it and live my life or i can let it get the best of me". you wont die. you wont not be able to have kids. you might not even have another outbreak. i still havent had another one. i'm on valtrex everyday and it seems to be helping. i guess all i can say to you is of course its going to take some time to cope with it and come to terms, but at this point the only person you are hurting by being depressed is yourself. if your ex loves you, he will be understanding. i ended up getting back with mine, and he knows about it and was there every single second i was crying and hating myself and my life. if he loves you he wont leave, i promise. and if he does, there is someone out there who wont leave. i cant stand when people stigmatize this disease. you aren't any less of a person because of it. you dont have to tell people, you dont have to feel sorry for yourself. a lot of people have this. a lot of your friends have this, you just don't know it because no one openly talks about it. this is only an inconvenience now, its not the worst possible thing. i hope this helps, just keep your head up because this separates the strong from the weak, and you arent worthless or disgusting. good luck.  

Answer 5

Once u got it u have it for life, just dont kiss anyone or touch ur mouth if u blister, keep it away from genitals... as even if u touch ur blister with ur hand then touch the gentials u can spead it. its highly infectious when u have a blister, u ll be advised to use a different towel glass etc to everone else and avoid fluid from ur blister coming into contact with ur gentials wash ur hands before and after the toilet, most of the population r exposed to it as children so if ur older its unlikly u will of caught it but if  have just be careful, its only infectious if there is a sore, both muth or gentials wise i dont really know about HSV in ur genitals im a dental nurse so all i can say is what we tell people with ur mouth, the same virus so the same precautions, id tell ur ex no reason not to, he prob aint the type to blab it to anyone and a condom should keep u safe whilst u have an outbreak its not something that ll always be there u ll have outbreaks when ur upset or stressed out and at least its not AIDS!!!! by that i mean its not gonna killl u!!! u can have a normal birth as long as u have no blisters this i do know, the only reason the would preform a section and thats to prevent infection of the babys eyes

Answer 6

I understand your anxiety. Where as you are trippin off HSV,  I was trippin off thinking I had HIV. You need to go get tested and find out for sure. I know you may be scared, but you are making your self sick worrying over NOT knowing. When you know for certain you have power; you are in control. Right now you are a total mess. When the Dr told me I had HSV2, I was thrilled b/c I didn't have HIV. I understand you don't have kids so this could present to be a problem for you, but if your know, then you'll know how handle future partners.