Seen ultrasound, want an abortion, anyone been there?

Question

Im 22, just graduated from top university, been with the boyfriend 2 months some, he wants to get married, i said yes, but everything is so pressured. i called off wedding. We saw ultra sound last week, looked like a peanut, he was so happy. but i never wanted this baby, we only had s*x 3 times, protected, then i stopped it cuz my birthcontrol wasnt active (just the condom obviously wasnt enough). he told his whole family i was prego the night i found out, when i told him i was contemplating abortion he said his mom and him were sooo happy. my parents were more supportive of abortion then keeping it but they will be happy either way. i have started therapy yesterday cause i hoped evryday since i found out i would have a miscarriage. thats not normal i know. i just want my life to go back to where i was headed two months ago! he tells me im breaking his heart, and he cried that he loves me sooo much....but when we met he wanted to find wife and have fam, i was on a different path, it was just casual for me. he tells me if i kill this baby i will be killing him. that the image on the screen we saw will haunt us and our families forever. can anyone help me please

Answer 1

You're in a bind.  Well unless you are planning to go to med school, law school, etc.  I would suggest keeping it.  Your boyfriend telling his whole family doesn't help either.  

Answer 2

okay your not a teenager, you graduated from school so your headed to a good job, your getting married.. why wouldn't you keep the baby? i love how this is all about YOU.. think about your boyfriend who you chose to have s*x with and agree to marry. you think it's ok to toy with peoples emotions like that? praying for a misscarriage, jesus christ. there are women out there who have misscarriage after misscarriage and pray for a pregnancy, this is pathetic. if you have an abortion you are a selfish *****

Answer 3

I've never been there, but I firmly believe it is your decision to make and yours alone. The pressure from the 2 families isnt helping, which is why most women opt to not tell anyone they are pregnant until they are sure they are going to keep it or if it is past the stage of high risk for miscarriage (around 3 months). You shouldn't have a baby to please a guy you were just casual with, you should have one when you're ready and in love with the baby and ready to make a good life for it. If you are wishing it didnt happen, and want an abortion, you should follow what you feel and get one. Or perhaps consider adoption? Remember, it is your body and your right no matter what any ******** say as an answer. Take time to reflect, make absolutely sure your decision is absolutely what you want, and prepare for whatever consequences ensue. Good luck

Answer 4

I think that you should really think about this before you do anything. Chances are that you will regret it in the future. I got pregnant without "wanting" to and yes, I contemplated abortion. I am a college student and I thought that having a baby would ruin my plans for the future. I ended up realizing that I was being selfish and I knew that i would regret it later. I had the baby and I am so glad I did. It changed my perception of the world and it didnt ruin my plans to finish school. I love my son very much and I cant imagine not having him. I am still right on track with my education and I think I made the right choice. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I think you should see the baby when he or she is born and hole him/her in your arms you will think different. sad to say i did want to be pregnant either untill i seen the ultrasound and felt the baby move i fell in love. i couldnt think of it any other way than having my little boy i love him more than anything in the would. i was only 20 when i had him. he is the best thing i have done. dont have the abortion atleast see the baby and if you still dont want him or her the give to someone that cant have kids someone that will love him or her.

Answer 6

I am mostly against abortions. There are certain circumstances (not many) that i could POSSIBLY understand why one would be done. I definately don't see a legitimate reason in your circumstance. I don't know how you could even contemplate getting one after you've already seen the life growing inside of you.  

Answer 7

how about this. You don't kill a precious baby. Carry the baby give birth and then give the baby to daddy and you walk away and sign away your rights. that way you have no responsibilities for it and he gets the baby that he loves and wants. Many men raise babies on their own, and it sounds like he has a great support base. It's better than you forcing your self to have this baby for someone else and then walking away when it's 4 or 10 or 13. Win win situation. And make sure you sign those rights away, because once you have walked out and left then you don't deserve to come back after 5 years or when ever and walk into this child's life and decide to be mom.

F.Y.I: having s*x causes babies. If you really don't want a baby and aren't ready for one then you aren't ready for s*x.

NOT THE TECHNICAL FATHER!!!! JUST THE BOYFRIEND!!!!! WHAT THE HECK???!!!!

Answer 8

You're posting in the wrong place to get sympathetic advice - between the fact that the women posting in the Pregnancy section are all very baby-focussed, and the fact that Y!A in general is overrun with fundamentalists, be prepared for a lot more ugly name calling and vey little information.

The fact is, most women in the civilized world don't see a problem with an early abortion - and not all religions have a problem with it if it's done within the first trimester - especially if it's done before the fetus has a heartbeat.  

But only you can make the decision... and ideally your boyfriend as well, especially if you plan to continue seeing him and have any sort of relationship.  The best thing you can do for yourself is go to Planned Parenthood (or whatever the equivalent is in the country where you live, if you're not in the U.S.) and ask to speak to a counselor.  If you get the feeling that they are pressuring you to have an abortion, politely ask to speak to someone else.  Ditto if you feel that they are pressuring you to keep the child above your objections.  You want someone who will listen to YOU, and help you figure out what's really going on - what it is that you need to be healthy and make the right decision.  It could be that you're right and this is the wrong time for you to have a child - or it could be that you're simply scared of your life changing, but deep down you still want it.  Only you can answer that.

Good luck - I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.

Answer 9

i want a baby so bad and i cant believe you would consider an abortion. you're evil. i would do anything to have a little peanut inside of me right now. you should be ashamed of yourself. you're very selfish.

Answer 10

hi I am a mother of three girls. I conceived @ age 15 (now 33) which she is now 16 yrs. and then I have my 8,7 yr old... I got a tubal done  thinking I was going to remain with my spouse but I didn't. I have been seeing someone now and we are talking about marriage and a tubal reversal.. I think having a baby is a gift from god. I too was afraid with my 1st child..I did not want her neither ( parents did not believe in abortions so I respected) but as many are saying you will fall in love after hearing the heart beat and so on .. I dropped out of school but later returned for my g.e.d and became a hairstylist and now going to school again to make better $$ as an accountant...the thing is  I think you are just afraid  cause it wasn't planned and you seemed to have your life in order and you seem to have your life planned out but now God has threw you a curb ball at your way.. You know If God never believed in you he wouldn't allow you to conceive... God does not give us things in our life that we can not handle... I believe and know that you will continue on with a beautiful healthy baby by your side .. you will just need more help then what you expected in life . Work more harder to get where you want.. Always remember a  baby is for life a man is not !! Do not be scared.. sounds like you have a great guy by your side.. you must not think just for the moment but for the future.. lets just say you go get the abortion but the abortion goes bad and in the future you can not conceive due to scar tissue caused by the abortion then what you will then loose out .. we are never ready to become a mom but promise you this you will never regret it.... Good luck. I wish I was pregnant but I know God will recieve our prayers and answer them when it is right.. Hoping for twin boys since I have all girls .. We already have their names picked out.... LOL

Answer 11

well you obviously don't want this child. so why don't you have it and give custody to the father? Instead of wishing harm to this innocent baby, love it enough to want a better home and more love than you can provide. I don't mean to sound cruel but if the father of this baby wants it then let him take care of it. Then you can be free to do as you please without the guilt. And really if you don't really care enough for this guy to marry him and he is really just a casual thing to you , than why let him dictate what you do to your body. Its your right to do as you please, whether its abortion, adoption or keeping this child for yourself. I'm not telling you that i condone adoption or abortion but what I'm saying is do what is going to be right for you. But whatever the decision you make you are going to have to live with for the rest of YOUR life. A baby is not  the worst thing that could happen to you. it is a gift. I always think things happen for a reason. Make sure you explore every option and every scenario before making a decision. I wish you well. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 12

I think you should do what you feel is best for you and the child. its definitely not your boyfriends decision because he isnt the one who is carrying a baby inside him, and it wasnt a planned pregnancy. So if you feel that you can support a child at this time in your life, and it will have a good life full of love from its mother and father. if you feel like hes trying to make you feel guilty about the abortion, tell him he has absolutely no right to say whats right and wrong because even though he is the father, its technically not his child, since your not married and you never decided to have a baby. make sure to let him know that if he respects you as his girlfriend, then he will support your decisions and do whats right for you. talk with him about how your feeling at this time, and just ask him to listen. A healthy relationship consists of trust, respect, an the ability to just listen. i really hope it works out for you and you boyfriend and the child

Answer 13

Abortion is murder.  http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 14

Starting therapy was the right thing to do!  It is your decision. Try not to let yourself be open to excepting the hate that you are receiving for your post. Those hateful people are the one's being selfish. Just think everything through before you make YOUR decision. It must be hard to go through all of these thoughts and emotions while being hormonal. Good luck to you I hope it all works out.

Answer 15

Even if you don't have a bond with this baby, it's clear that your boyfriend and his family do.  I would wait a while so that you can see your son or daughter beyond the peanut stage.  If you still don't feel attached at that point, you should consider adoption- perhaps by someone in the bf's family.  Continue therapy, and I hope everything works out for you.

<3 Kelsey

Answer 16

I think the baby is as much your boyfriends as it is yours.  You should have this baby, ESPECIALLY if he wants it.  

Answer 17

sorry in this case You are 22 years old and as you mentioned graduated from a top university. You KNOW There is no such thing as casual s*x. ALL s*x can cause pregnancy. IF you dont want this baby and he does then you need to think about him as well.  You can carry this baby to term and give the baby to his father. HE wants to take responsibility for this. In this case I think it would be unfair for you to not at least come to some kind of an agreement with the dad in this situation.

He is not abusive and seems like he is willing to take care of this baby whether you want  the baby of not. Please think about everyone involved before you make this decision..

Good luck with your choice.

Answer 18

well i think that now your in this situation the only think you can do is to deal with it and learn to be happy with it. I know it seems like life was better before and you will be missing out on things. But get an abortion and you may regret it for the rest of your life especially as you have the picture of your unborn baby. What youve got to see is that a baby will bring you much happiness, You will love it more than you have probably imagined. and you will have an amazing bond with it which is always more important than any carreer. I think you should stop dwelling and look at the bright side, your going to be a mummy and it sounds like you have a fantastic boyfriend who will support you and help you as much as he can. He obviously loves you and baby very much.

I'l never be able to understand how after a ultrasound you could contemplate abortion, but i think its because you feel out of your depth but in a month or so, the idea will seem more appealing. and trust me after the babies born you will wish you had never thought of abortion. and you probably never will again.  

Answer 19

THOUGH SHALL NOT KILL! Don't have an abortion, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Just imagine a future sweet girl/boy that you can rock in your arms and it calls you mommy. Please don't, it would be so sad and you will never forgive yourself for taking the life of a little child. The least you can do is go through with it and let him keep the baby.

I think you should listen to the song from Kenny Chesney: There Goes My Life. It will make you think twice.

Answer 20

I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough time with this. Unplanned pregnancy is the scariest thing ever. My first was unplanned and I was only 23, and not even done with college yet. I struggeled with depression during my pregnancy because I didn't feel ready to have a baby. But, like you I had a supportive boyfriend and family. That is a very lucky thing to have. Now I have a son who I am in love with and have finished college. I know it's hard to believe now, but having a baby really doesn't stop you from your career goals and other dreams. Especially if you have a good support system, which you do. I would suggest not to get an abortion and to continue therapy. (And no, I am not anti- abortion).I just think you are not a kid anymore and should take responsibility. Trust me, you are going to love this baby more than anything. You will never see anything more perfect than your baby. Good luck!

Answer 21

Pray! Pray! Pray!

God Bless the child.....give the baby to the father!

Answer 22

So youre going to kill your own child for no good reason that I can read.  

I hope you can live with that, because a lot of women that I know havent been able to.  

It all looks good in the textbook, but living with it it is quite another thing.  Unless you are one of the morally dead.  

Answer 23

If you really need advice on this, try the Women's Health or Gender & Women's Studies sections. This one will only get you attacked.

The women here are in pregnancies they WANT (and many have struggled to have) so they're not going to be sympathetic to the idea of abortion.

Answer 24

I agree with the very first post.. there are VERY minimal reasons that you should be aloud to have an abortion and you have no good reason for that. You have people in your family that would help you raise that baby to full potential.. and your boyfriend actually wants the baby!!! Theres a lot of women out there that do it all by theirselves. If you knew that condoms were not enough then you should not have been having s*x. Im sorry but I do not feel sorry for you what-so-ever. You should definatly keep that baby and give it a chance in life.

Answer 25

If you do not want the child, then abort. The abortion will not cause the death of any child. Thinking women limit the size of their families based upon their needs and wants. If you have this child, it will preclude you from having a child at a later date. Another way to look at it is that it is murdering a future child that is wanted if you are forced to give birth to this unwanted child.  

Answer 26

You can't alter the laws of nature. Nature will defeat man.. be happy of the miracle that God has blessed upon you, and finish what you started. Lucky you have such a caring boyfriend and supporting family, but I DISAGREE with abortion all the way.