Self-Centered Soon-to-be-Father?

Question

Do you think once our baby arrives in Sept. that he will become less (MUCH less) self-centered? Anyone experienced this with their husband? For example: I want my mom to come stay with us for a week after the baby is born to help out. My husband isn't sure if he wants her to since she will be set up to sleep in the living room and he won't be able to play XBox at night. I told him he won't have time anyway!! We'll have a newborn! What a jerk!

Answer 1

I consider my husband to be very self-centered, and yes, he did become a lot less self-centered after the baby. I had a c-section so he had to help out a lot in the beginning, which allowed him to bond with the baby early on. My advice is to have him help out with the baby as much as possible. Include him. He needs to bond with his baby in order for that switch to turn on... the "It's not about me" switch.  You should also have a talk with him about it... an "it's not about you or me anymore" talk.  Whenever my husband complains, it still have to remind him that it's not about him.  He'll slowly get there.

I don't agree with Lucy. There is a lot fathers can do. I am breastfeeding, but in the beginning I made sure to pump at least once a day so that my husband could feed him too.  You have to ASK them to do more.  He may not want to change diapers, but I'd ask him to stand there with me and I had him hand me supplies and help hold him if it got messy.  INCLUDE HIM AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!

Answer 2

I would say "Diddums" to his being unable to play the xbox at night. He should be thinking more about you and the baby now than himself. I would hope he changes his ways, as he will no longer be the centre of your world - your baby will.

You're quite right to put your foot down now, as if he is allowed to continue as he is now, he won't be able to form that all - important bond with his child.

I can honestly say that, when our child was born, my b/f was absolutely brilliant!! He got up in the night with our son, and held him whilst I got down to some housework, or to let me sleep during the day ( childbirth is incredibly tiring, and it takes a while to getover it, so any help he can give would be

much appreciated).

He also heeds to realise that he will be required to help out a lot more with the baby and the housework, as taking care of a baby is supposed to be a shared commitment ( after all, it takes 2 to create a baby, so it should take 2 to care for it).

Good luck with everything!!!

Answer 3

hey there... this makes me very angry that people can say its a mothers responsibility to take care of the baby. its also the fathers aswell... you didnt make the baby by yourself! he will soon realise he needs to help you out and im sure he will have as much fun taking care of bubs than playing Xbox! it will work out in the end dont stess too much.

take care and have fun! :)

Answer 4

Is he serious? I think that you should have him start doing some research on having a newborn - read books together, go to a parenting class together (my husband went to a Father's class and it was great), watch some of the parenting shows on TLC so he can get a clue and realize that he won't be the child anymore and then maybe he will change a little bit.  He probably just has no clue.

Answer 5

you cant expect him to be less self centered just because he has more responsibility. and giving your child that job is a litlle selfish of you.

Answer 6

Actually, I would expect him to be MORE self centered...I'm just saying this because I know a girl who had an a*****e boyfriend (his main problem is being self centered). Now their son is seven months old and guess what? He is even worse than ever. He has only watched the baby ONCE by himself (and complained about that). Yesterday I visited her with my partner and she tried to hand the baby to the jerk after having carried him around herself (the baby loves the be held and played with) for at least an hour and a half. He just stared straight ahead intentionally ignoring the perfectly happy baby dangling in front of him and never took his eyes off the tv...and he was playing Xbox. lol. I would sit down and have a long heart to heart with your husband if I were you.

Answer 7

It may take him time to really understand what having newborn around will like.  His need to not have your mother around and to continue to play his games is his desire for nothing to really change.  He will be shocked to learn that he will not only loose time on his xbox but will loose alot of sleep too.  

I'm sure he will rise to the occation when your baby does come in Sept.  In the mean time sign yourself (and your husband) up in a prenatal class.  This may be the shock therapy your looking for.  He will learn alot about babies and he can relate to the other soon-to-be dads.  Good Luck

Cheers~!

Answer 8

He'll have plenty of time play X-box.  A newborn is the mother's responsibility.  Everybody knows that.  There's little a father could do at that stage.  Presumably you'll be doing all of the feeding, so you'll be the one getting up at night.  I guess he could do some laundry, but his role becomes more prominent when the baby gets older and more active.  Don't expect too much from him.

Answer 9

Good luck!

My hubby was real into "his time" too, and honestly that didn't really change until our son was 9-12 months old.  It takes some men a lot longer to grow up for one reason or another.  Have patience.  Get him in classes and get him involved.  Don't let him be like that after the baby is born.  If you let him - then he won't change.