Self-Sabotaging a great thing. Please help me?

Question

I have very luckily found a wonderful, caring, loving, precious man. We have so much in common and both want the same things in life. He treats me like a queen and makes me feel like a million bucks. It's only been a short while so far, and I have already started in with my little games of self-sabotage. I do it even though I know I am doing it, almost because I have done it so much - like a habit. My game then continues by scaring myself to death that this won't work and again I will be left broken-hearted. I know there are no guarantees in life, but please help me understand love and how to slow down, relax, and enjoy it. I am 42, twice married and divorced, but since I met John, I'm not sure if I ever really knew what true love is.

Answer 1

I'm not so sure what you mean by "self-sabotaging". Do you mean cutting yourself or something? Please add details..but for the rest of the question, I can answer. If you've only felt this great with John, and not your previous husbands, then I would say go for it. If you too are comfortable with each other, and it seems very much that you are, so I don't know, talk about marriage, unless he already asked you. But do what you can to get closer to him and find out more about him. I hope I have helped you, and I hope you have a great day! :)

Answer 2

With all due respect, your issue is one that a therapist needs to discuss with you, not angry forum users that are biased and opinionated.  Your self judging and second guessing are results of many experiences and sometimes poor choices, and I suspect you are saying to yourself, is this another one of them?

I encourage you to IMMEDIATELY find yourself a non angry non feminist therapist that deals in personal resolution of issues like you have...its ok to seek out help and its ok to admit  you need it.  With a short amount of time and counseling I bet you can be back in love with this man and fulfilling a dream of a lifetime loving him.

Answer 3

Sweetie you talking to the king of self destruction, it cost me three marriages.  I finally went to a therapist and worked through some child hood issues and now I have finally broken that cycle.  It is not easy but you can change with help, so stop trying to do it alone, because that is exactly how you'll end up,,,alone.  Good luck.

Answer 4

be thankful for the man u have now, and don't think ugly thoughts, control those emotions, and don't look for problems, and forget the past and what the others did to u, because u need to have a little faith that this time is going to be different.there are no guarantees but u can bring on a breakup by bringing the past into it,your just not use to being treated so well.

Answer 5

In this life, the chance is over, such a sad thing because it happens so rarely. and it means you are so down hill from here. I feel sorry for you. But I would never help you. I am not a teacher. And even if I was, you would be the last person in the universe that I would accept as a disciple. For me, you are just a lost case. It is good that soon you will think the same about me too. You will have to. That will be your only way to keep your strenght and move on. And you need your strenght to live, especially to live in such a terrible way that you live. So, you will have to think the same about me and you WILL leave me. It will take a little time till you exhaust everything, even hurt me physically for real, maybe even witnes my death before you finaly leave. I dont think you will go to that extreme to physicaly kill me, it would be such a pitty to be killed by someone so fony like you after I have surrvived so much this far, we will both try our best to prevent you from hurting me physicaly, but I am sure everything will turn for the best. I absolutely dont care about your presence any more and that will probably drive you away. There is nothing with me that could possibly interest you once you understand that your disciple is dead and your mission and your training is in vain. So, better luck next time. Pick better disciple, stronger, smarter. One worthy of your effort. I am sorry.