Self-esteem issues with a seven year old?

Question

I babysit this girl who is seven years old. She used to be this typical seven year old, with typical interests, and a typical attitude towards school and life. However, she went down to Phoenix where her grandparents live and where something was said that truly hurt her. While her family was watching Dancing With the Stars, her grandpa said, "Grace looks a little thick for her age." Her mother was there, but had been drinking and sort of blew it off. It came up again when she had returned home and was working on a scrapbook with her mom. She told her mom that she didn't really like her face or her body. Her mom said that you shouldn't say stuff like that and the little girl felt like she was being reprimanded. She also said something while she was walking our dog with my mom. She said she felt bad for her new born sister because she looked like her and said she was going to be "ugly" like herself. I gave her mom this book by Jamie Lee Curtis about self-esteem today, but if that doesn't

Answer 1

Well the bigger deal you make out of it the bigger deal its going to be to this girl.

Next time she brings something up....make a quick statment...EX: girl- i wish i were as pretty as...YOU-  I think you are very pretty and there is noone like you....Then move on.......don't dwell....do not bring it up to her.

All Kids go through a stage where they start to notice a difference in themselves and others...

There seemed to be a bit of disstain for the mom in your question....DO NOT try to undermind the mother...even if you do not agree with her.

I wish you would have mentioned your age, or relation to the family?

Answer 2

try to be as positive as you can, compliment her assets.  Build her up.  Focus on the really positive things, like if she's smart, good at sports, has neat clothing, or you like the way her hair is.  Just be positive whatever you do.  Don't bring up the negative things, that should be off limits.  I dont know how you found out the details of that or if the girl told you, but if the mother knows, let her handle it and be a friend for her.  When i was young i thought i was fat and i really wasn't.  just super critical.  I stayed that way until i was about 20 years old.  Try to instill some confidence in her.

Answer 3

Seven is a tough age. My daughter is that age, and I've seen her swing back and forth between confident and insecure numerous times this year. One thing that has really helped is getting my daughter involved in martial arts. Every three months she accomplishes a goal (a new belt); she gets to perform in front of others (in class and promotions); and has numerous opportunities for rewards (competitions and leadership classes). She loves it, and so do I.

I also make sure she focuses on her good points, not just the things she doesn't like. She sometimes thinks it's silly, but we make it into a game and then she ends up feeling better.

The hardest thing at this age is getting her NOT to take everything so personally. Anything anyone says or does can be taken as an insult, so helping her cope and not dwell on the perceived insult is a high priority. It's been hard, but she's almost 8 now and has definitely calmed down and been able to take more things in stride, letting things roll off of her, or coming to me and asking if what "So and so" said was true. Obviously, what the the grandpa said was wrong and Mom should have defended her daughter, but you can help by telling her that she looks great, for her age or any other, making sure she eats healthy and going on walks with her, if she wants. As long as everything is done in moderation (e.g., food and exercise), she should not swing too much toward the eating disorder side of things.  

One last thing, you may want to talk to Mom, in a nice way and let her know of your experiences as a kid. Tell her the things that can happen to insecure girls (eating disorders, promiscuity, depression, etc). There are plenty of books on amazon that discuss this issue, at length.

Good luck!

Answer 4

wow thats a tuffy!!

her mom might not like it, but i would go in the bathroom with her and sit in front of the mirror with her and point out all the things that make her beautiful. and every time you see her tell her that she looks pretty.

Answer 5

Do you have any stories about when you were younger? And you felt "akward?" Tell her those, you can laugh together, cry..ect.

Tell you that you understand how she feels. It is hard being a girl and growing up. It's hard to not knwo where you fit in sometimes, and hurtful when someone says something like what was said to her.

Tell her that everyone has insecurities, and its okay. But you have to love yourself and see the positive.

Have her point out what physical traits she likes, and focus on those. If she cant think of any physical have her list emotional ones as well. Does she have any talents?

Give her more positives & it will out weight the negatives!

Answer 6

I would like to tell her that

girls look ugly when they are little

will become the pretties one in the world,

just like the story about the

ugly duckling becomes swan.

Answer 7

every time you see her, tell her how great she looks!

Answer 8

In addition to just telling her the truth that her looks will change so many times before she is a adult, I would also start helping her with healthy eating.   Maybe show her some old pics of you like when you were missing a few teeth at that age or when you had a bad haircut.  When I show thesse to my dd *age 7  she always feels better and laughs her head off.

Answer 9

you should dress her in a pretty dress and put just a tad of makeup on and like do her hair and then let her look at herself in the mirror and be say to her oh look how pretty you look like a little princess and let her turle around :) trust me it works. And start complimenting her on her eyes and on her cheeks.

Answer 10

Your sweet for caring enough to do something...little girls that age need alot of self esteem...tell her she's beautiful, tell her she can sing good or draw good (whatever she is good at) always give her lots of positive praise. Tell her stories about yourself and how you used to feel at her age and what you have learned as you got older. Good Luck.