Selfish Thoughts of Suicide

Question

I'm not sure how to say it, and i'm completely embarassed by posting this online, but i don't really know what else to do. Sorry for making this so damned long, i summarized it the best i could.

I love my girlfriend so much, and i know she's the only person that I will ever be with because i think we're perfect for each other, and we rarely have any arguments.

However, there are times when she becomes upset because of me for something small that i would have done, and then she'd become in this kind of mood where she refuses to have a conversation, and gives me an insanely cold attitude, condescending tone,and basically is like go away i don't want you here...stop bothering me.

You see... before when this kind of thing happened i would try desperately to talk about things and beg her to be happy and convince her and then maybe i would eventually win her over with something i say or do and then she could be come happy again. And i do try so damned hard everytime.

But i know this is selfish but sometimes when i get sad and not in the mood, i guess i kind of expect her to try the same in cheering me up, but instead i receive the cold attitude again because she's upset that i'm boring or not talking to her. And i know that's selfish it's not her responsibility to cheer me up, but i just wished that she could return the favor.

But before i used to get over it pretty easily when she got upset because i'd somehow manage to cheer her up, however it's not so easy for me to always be the one that's "Happy" trying to spread my cheer, now thoughts of suicide enter my head and alll i can think to my self the rest of the night is "it's all my fault she's upset" "i'm not good enough for her, she doesn't even want me". etc etc Because I love her so much and I can't stand thinking she hates me, i'd rather die than to live my life without her. My stomach begins to hurt insanely bad. And then after a while i'll get upset at her, selfishly saying to my self "well she treats me like **** anyways, she doesn't even respect me a lot of times." Just in order to calm my self down and get over it. But then different thoughts of suicide enter my head too, but these are different. they are like how would she feel if i committed sucide, "man she would be sorry", trying to inflict pain on her by my death.

TL:DR ; I know these thoughts are completely selfish and wrong, but the thing is How can I keep these thoughts out of my head. When i'm not depressed i realize i really don't want to die and i can live a wonderful life with her, but i'm scared that when i'm sad, maybe i'll become overrun by these thoughts and eventaully carry out with them. I'm scared of that. Somebody please help.

Answer 1

you really need to talk to a doctor, there are medications that can help you and sometimes just talking to someone is helpful

Answer 2

from the website:

http://www.angelfire.com/ab/brightminds/...

very good articles here! the index is below!

It is easier to change our thinking: to decide, for example, that we will no longer think of ourselves as victims or to decide that in our thoughts we will concentrate on what we can do rather than what we think everybody else ought to do.

Answer 3

Your relationship with this girl isn't a healthy one. The way she acts is emotional blackmail and emotional abuse. As well as mental abuse.

You need to find out why you want to be with a person like this so desperately. You need therapy for that.

The suicidal thoughts can be brought on by the insanity of the relationship. When two people have this many issues, it can never be good. Loving a person isn't enough to base a relationship upon.

Over half of marriages end in divorce and all of them loved each other so much they thought they'd want to be together forever. But most learned that love doesn't make a relationship good or make it work. they found out the hard way.

You are not in charge of cheering her up and wanting her to return the favor is just as unhealthy. It is very selfish on her part to be bored when you have an issue but expect you to help her if she has one. Her anger sounds unreasonable as well.

Look closely at your parents and see if this resembles their relationsihp. Then ask yourself if you think their relationship is a good one. Be honest.

Go to a councellor or a psychiatrist as soon as possible. good luck.  

Answer 4

um, you need to get into therapy immediately. no one should obsess this much about a relationship, that is probably what's driving her away. GET HELP.  

Answer 5

Just remember one thing you are not alone, there is a person that can help you. Jesus Christ...he loves you and knows the pain you are going through.  You are a very special spirit, go to him in prayer, he wants to help you but you need to ask.  

   This part of your life will pass and things will get better, never give up. volunteer for something, exercise, run, walk, and keep busy doing things you enjoy.  Your girlfriend is the one that is selfish. Try not calling her for awhile, play a little hard to get, don't be so desperate...it sounds to me like she is using you to make herself feel better.  You deserve better than that.  There is a girl out there that is just for you...find her! Don't give up .  After the darkness comes the sun...it will get better.