Selfish daughter won't stop asking for things......

Question

even though she knows we're broke as glass right now. i just charged $40 on my credit card to get her a new phone, buy her clothes just about every time we go out somewhere - and because i spent some money on her sister who's in a christian rehab facility she throws it in my face. i am sick of this kid and her selfishness. suggestions on how to handle this and not have a heart attack......

Answer 1

If her sister is in rehab it sounds as if there is a long term problem.  It might be your daughter is feeling a lack of attention.  She may very well want you to fight with her.  Sometimes the better behaved child does get left out - not something anyone intends but it can happen none the less.

You might step out of your normal view of things and look at her from a different point of view.  It might not be that what she needs is having money spent on her but time spent with her.

Answer 2

ignore her when she asks for something. she grew up getting everything she wanted from you, now, she should learn that when you want something, you need to earn it. nothing in life is free and if she doesn't learn that right now, what will happen to her when you're gone?

Answer 3

We teach our children how to treat us...stop the gravy train.  My son who got everything he ever asked for is now a daddy himself and told me that we (parents) spoiled him so much that he never had to learn to depend on himself to provide for the things he wanted.  Don't make the same mistake I did...stop giving in to her, believe me...she will respect you much more when it matters most!  And for heaven sake, don't use your darn credit cards to buy her something that she doesn't need.  $40 is something that she could earn on her own, babysitting, etc.  Remind her and yourself....a roof over her head, food in her belly and clothes on her back (not designer) is all you are required to give her a your child...anything over that she is to earn by doing things around the house, or for herself outside the home.

Answer 4

The word "no" needs to be in your vocabulary.  You say right there, you don't have the money, and yet, you do it anyway.

If you don't set boundaries and stick to them, you are feeding into it.  (and yes, she will scream and stomp her feet and try to make you feel bad. It works, right?)  

Answer 5

FLAT OUT TELL HER NO! Your sister and you are not the same person. She needs our help right now and she is getting it, when you need our help, we will be there. UNtil then, if you want something, get off your but and earn the money.

Tough Love parenting, it's hard but it works.

Answer 6

just tell her no...if she wants something tell her to get a job and she can pay for it yourself...explain your financial situation to her...i am assuming you put your one daughter in a rehab center to recover from something ...that is helping her out which is more of an obligation of a parent...buying everything your other daughter wants is not an obligation...just tell her no and dont give in...she will probably be mad but you need to stand up for yourself

Answer 7

Stop caving in to her.   She is being selfish because she knows that you'll give in and buy her things -- like the phone and the clothes you bought her.

She needs to learn how to take "no" for an answer -- but she's not learning that lesson because you keep saying "yes"!

This is akin to continuing to give alcohol to an alcoholic relative -- and then wondering why they drink so much.

Stop being the enabler.  Start being the parent.

EDIT -- I just noticed that EVERYONE who's answered your question so far is telling you the same thing, pretty much, that I said.  

Take the hint!

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Answer 8

Have you ever thought that this may be her way of getting your attention? It could be that she thinks her sister is getting more attention than her and she resorts to a way to get attention by asking for money and stuff. Get to the bottom of it ASAP and have a heart to heart talk to her in a calm environment.

And try to establish set rules in your household, that she gets a certain amount of allowance if she does ABC. She has clearly found your weak spot and she'll keep milking you out of anything she wants. Work on making her realize that you would do the same for her if she was in her sisters shoes and its not a way to show favour. All the best!

Answer 9

Your the problem lady! This is what happen basically.

daughter: Mom i want a new phone!

Mom : No you know we don't have any money! Can't you just wait

Daugther: But mom i really need it because my other one broken and it sucks!

Mom: I dont care i told you we don't have any money

Daughter: OH but you have money to give to my sister to go to rehab!

Mom: Your sister needs it

Daughter: yeah sure what ever omg!

Then you give in, because you feel bad!

She throws it in your face because she knows if she breaks you down good enough then you will eventually give in to her wants. Tell her no and thats final if she talks about it again. Tell her to be quiet and go to her room. Thats it! Not another word.  

Answer 10

Am on 17 years old and my daughter is only 2. she is at the stage of crying for things also but your daughter is way to old. if she wants new clothes or shoes u know what u should do take her cell phone. make her choose between paying her cell phone bill or keeping up with the trend......take her to the thrift store.

Answer 11

How old is she?  Is she old enough to work?  Cut off her cash supply.  Tell her to get a job.  You aren't really doing her any favors by giving her everything she asks for.  She will never learn the value of money that way.If she's not old enough to work, then put a price on household chores.  No money unless she does some work.  If she wants money, she'll have to work for it.  

Answer 12

its not her fault really. shes doesnt understand yet what money means and how u need to save. even if u explain it to her shes still very young im assuming. and when she see's u paying for ur other daughter she gets confused. or maybe even jealous. she probably says why cant my mom buy me clothes then.  all u can do is talk to her more about how u need to save and how its hard when u dont have money.  and just wait for her to get older that way she'll understand more whats going on. i know some girls who are even married and their husbands work only and they dont have much. but are not very good with saving their money and blow in on other stuff. instead of important things.  shes not selfish she just doesnt understand.  good luck i hope she gets it.

Answer 13

Say no! Ask if she wants to be in her sister's position in the rehab facility and say that the family needs to pull together right now because of her sister's addiction and that's just the way it is right now, but you cannot keep charging things for her on your credit card.

In the future, make it clear when you are going somewhere that the purpose of the trip is not to buy anything for her.

You have fueled the level of her selfishness, frankly, by not setting any limits. She felt she had to test them further and apparently had not found the wall yet. Set the wall and she will back down.