Selfish in marriage? How come?

Question

How come people say couples who dont want to have a child in marriage is selfish?

I dont get that.

Some couples dont have the money to bring a kid in this world.

Some plainly do want kids.

10 points for best explanation

Answer 1

Not selfish at all--I am single/div with 4 kids who are great--but they take a lot of time and money---maybe one day when you are older will regret not having the family around-but as long as you are a great couple and have nieces and nephews you will be fine--everyone is different and makes the best choices for them--don't listen to anyone and follow what you need in life--everyone does not need to have children.

Answer 2

I think that many people believe that to want children is a natural instinct that all people are born with.  They simply can't wrap their minds around the idea that someone wouldn't want them.  Barring any reasonable explanation, they chalk it up to the notion that people don't want them because they selfishly want to have more wealth for themselves and don't want to invest the time necessary to nurture a child.  The only other camp I've heard from on this is the "because God said to be fruitful and multiply" folks.  Those people believe that you are somehow not honoring God if you don't at least attempt to have children.

Personally, I don't care whether someone wants children or not or what the reasons behind their decision are.  I chose to have children because I wanted them.  I am also friends with a few people who have chosen to remain childless (all 40 or over) who are living very happy and productive lives.  The fact that they have chosen not to have children has absolutely no impact on my life whatsoever so I just don't worry about it.  It's their business.

Answer 3

Well, I think it's kind of ridiculous for people to think that it's selfish to not want children.  I think the reason they think it's selfish is because their mentality is they don't want to share their lives and don't want to give up the things they love to bring children into this world.

Here's the thing though -- if they know they don't want to give up the going out, partying, drinking, fun lifestlye then how is it selfish?  I think it's actually more SELFLESS than selfish to not want to bring children into that kind of situation.  They know they wouldn't be the best of parents to children, and they know that's not what they want in life.  It's not like bringing kids into the world is doing anyone any favors -- we already have enough children who are not taken care of running around.

Some people want to raise children, and others don't.  It's not selfish to not want to raise kids -- it's a lifestlye choice.  If I say that I don't want to purchase a yacht with my husband, does that make me selfish?  I don't think so -- stop judging!

Answer 4

mask dude what religion was the girl that cheated on you Im just curious  

you dont have email so i cant ask there  

Answer 5

i love shellfish

crabs, lobster.. yummy

Answer 6

I'm glad that ur b'n honest with ur self b/c children takes work!!!

If ur not ready & or don't want kids that's ur biz & no 1 else!!!

I don't have patience either and that's the key for children PERIOD!!!

A lot of parents have kids and are not good parents b/c they were't ready ....so Kudo's for u for be'n honest!!!  Who cares what others think!!! I sure don't.   Give ur self 10 points 4 b'n so honest!!!

Answer 7

People love to impose their wisdom on others.  So since they've decided married couples should have kids, and then they see a couple who could afford kids but don't have them, then in their wisdom they conclude that the only explanation for not having kids is so the couple can have more money to spend on themselves - i.e. selfish.

I think just about everybody is selfish in some way, but I agree that this does not appear to be one of those ways.

Answer 8

Because people are judgemental.

To each his own. I have kids, but I respect the decision not to go there. it's hard! I adore them, but what a challenge!

Answer 9

I don't get it either, Darth.

Some people want to have kids, while others don't want to have kids. I'm still not sure whether I want to have kids, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't.

Of course, it takes two to have kids so it would obviously have to be a joint decision.

Answer 10

I have 2 kids and my and my hubby's lives are focused much on our kids.  We have few hobbies and little money for ourselves.  We find much joy in helping our children grow and it is exciting to be a part of it.  It may seem selfish as pre-children couples are centered on themselves.  Not a bad thing.  But truth be told, it was feeling like life was not complete or fulfilled to me.  My time was somewhat empty when my success was just for me and hubby.