Send him? Don't send him? Moms/teachers, any advice?

Question

I'm having hard time deciding whether or not to send our 6yr son to 1st grade in Sept. He struggled through kindergarten, despite help from the teacher and myself, and just barely passed. I didn't think he was all that ready to go to kindergarten last year but his pre-school teacher assured me that the change in enviornment would lead to a change in him. This wasn't the case.

The school disctrict will not hold back students and is really pushing me to put him into the 1st grade. I've shown them his records and explained how immature he is, how he's yet to master certain skills needed for the 1st grade, but they keep telling me that if he's passed, he'll be fine and if I want to hold him back, I'll have to put him into a private school.

I'm just not sure what to do. I'm working with him over the summer and have seen a little bit of improvement, but I don't want him to struggle like he did this past year. Any moms who've been through this or teachers who have advice...it'd be really helpful.

Answer 1

Have him do kindergarten again. If he hasn't truly mastered the skills he'll need, he's going to struggle BIG time grade after grade. My girls are born Nov 3 and our town had a Dec 1 cut off. I sent them to kindergarten and they turned 5yrs that Nov. They struggled to keep up in school and didn't master things like letter writing and shape reconition. They passed kindergarten but I knew they wouldn't do well if I then sent them to first grade. How are you going to write setences and read if you don't know your letters?

I kept them back and it did a world of good for them for the rest of their school career. They're now 18.5yrs and starting college at the end of the month.

Answer 2

I'd hold him back. If he's not ready, he's not ready. I would be worried about his confidence if he's constantly struggling. Like you said, he's one of the youngest- lots of people hold their kids back to start Kindergarten if their birthdays are late so he won't be the only 6 year old.

Answer 3

i would send him i have a 7 year old son that never finished 1st grade because i pulled him out of school due to be mistreated by the teachers and staff and i took him to a new school and he is in second grade and i know he will struggle but he will make it though and so will your little one

Answer 4

If possible, homeschool him. My siblings and I were homeschooled, me all the way through, and my siblings until the beginning of high school, and we're all doing just fine - my brother and I got accepted to our first choice colleges, with invitations to the honors programs, and our sister is doing just as well, despite the fact that she was a bit behind the curve in terms of reading ability and such for the first couple years of her education. She just learned slower than most people, and I think she had slight vision problems too, but she's near the top of her public school class now.  

Answer 5

Put him in the next grade and make sure he gets a tutor.  I know that may be expensive, but it's your last option, if the school doesn't agree with you.  

Answer 6

I would hold him.  I know that many districts, mine included, hesitate to hold kids because they don't want the child to have to deal with the social stigma of having "flunked" a grade... but sometimes, it's just needed.

Do you have full-day kindergarten in your district?  That would be your best bet.  It sounds like if he repeated kindergarten another year he might be better off and more prepared for the more rigorous demands of first grade.  Remember, if he is having difficulty with things like shapes, colors, and letter/sound recognition, imagine how frustrated he's going to be when the class starts to learn to read... which happens pretty much right off the bat in first grade.

If it was my son, I would hold him.  I think the chances that he would feel emotionally upset about seeing his friends go on to first grade without him are fleeting, and he might not even notice.  I would much rather have him repeat kindergarten and catch up academically and developmentally instead of being "behind" and struggling his entire school career.

BTW... you might want to check into your legal rights as far as what your district is telling you.  Every child is entitled to a free, public education... and I don't think they can tell you that you HAVE to put him into private school if you don't want to.  I'm not sure, but I would definitely check into that.  I'm acutally surprised that they aren't more on your side...

I just read your update above...

yikes... I guess I'd pull him out and put him in private school... it's just so expensive...

Sorry for the trouble of it!  That 68% thing sounds so sneaky to me... I'm a Midwesterner, so have no knowledge of the New Jersey laws...

Good luck to you... your son is lucky to have a mom who cares so much!

Answer 7

Don't send him. Do the private school for a year rather than paying for tutors for the next X amount of years. Kids who barely pass and struggle end up being in that situation year after year after year.

I see it as a teacher all the time, especially this past year when I taught kindergarten. Two boys came into my class in Sept very immature for their age and struggled quite a bit throughout the year. They left in June with the maturity level of the rest of the class at the start of the year. When are they going to make a year leap in maturity? Not for a while...They would be so much better off doing another year of kindergarten. Their maturity level would be equal to their classmates and they'd get an extra year to master needed skills.

My suggestion would be to find a private school for your son for the 08-09 school year and have him do kindergarten again. No one will no he was held back and he'll only be a few months older, if that, than the rest of the students. Giving him that extra year will make a HUGE difference and kindergarten is the grade you want to do it. There's a big gap between kindergarten and 1st grade and if you fall behind, you're pretty much set.  Enroll him in the public school again for first grade in the 09-10 school year. They can't say no.

Best Wishes =]

Edit: Do you live in New Jersey? That's actually a pretty common regulation in many towns in that state. We use to live there (and I taught there) and it was one of the reasons why my 10yr son wasn't held back. They do it because the district is already paying for the tutor to be in the school. Holding your child back would mean they would have to pay for your child to go to school an additional year. Cute little rule, huh?

Answer 8

I have a son who struggled in the early elementary years.    By 4th grade  he wasn't a struggler anymore and learned faster.   Kids change. Just because he is having difficulties now doesn't necessarily mean that he will always be that way.   Kids can be unpredictable and will give you your fair share of surprises..  

I would say send him but work with him along the way.