Separation/Divorce and Finances?

Question

I know this is a long question but I really need advice on how to make separation work financially.

Basically I separated from my partner 6 months ago.

We have two children (age 6 and 1).

While together we bought a house together and the mortgage is €1100 per month.

I earn €2000 per month.

Obviously we both had to work because I couldn’t pay the mortgage alone so she had to get a job too and she earns €1800 per month.

Since she is working the children are in after school care (the eldest) and the baby is in a crèche.

The cost of the childcare is €900 per month.

We spilt the payments fro mortgage and childcare 50/50.

When we spilt up I moved out of the house. I kept on paying my half of the mortgage and my half of the childcare which totals €1000 per month. I have also been giving her €50 a week for food etc.

Now I need to find somewhere to live because I’ve been sleeping on couches etc. The cheapest places to rent are €500 per month.

Obviously I can’t afford to give her €1000 a month for mortgage and childcare and pay €500 my own rent. I need to stop one of the payments.

I know if I stop paying half the mortgage le to pay the full amount herself. Nor can she afford to pay the costs. Her leaving work is not an option because I don’t make enough to support us both.

The only option I can see is that she needs to rent a room out in the house to make up the mortgage payment.

She seems to think it’s for me to figure out and doesn’t want to discuss it. I’m giving her €1200 a month. I can’t keep it up. I could take her to court and I know that all I would be ordered to pay is €560 child support and nothing else. She doesn’t seem to want it.

I would love to just get a higher paying job in reality that not possible.

When you separated/ divorced how did you work problems like these out?

Answer 1

First of all I admire your commitment to your children and fairly separating the costs of bills with your wife.

During our separation/ which has not resulted in a divorce. We had similar issues. We talked about separating our assets and allowing him to have the higher amount of assets. We own a business and partner as well. Instead of offering a portion to his buy out-so i could receive a "lump sum" I opted him to keep the business. My husband is a good provider and I know he will take care of his children. As what seems to look like the issue here. Consider some of the other assets-so that you can receive that "lump sum" to get you on your feet so you can continue to support your children decently.

Or you can forgive..move back in and try to salvage your marriage.

It sounds like your solution to the financial debt would be to consolidate the others and sale the home maybe apply for equity.

Still better solution, don't leave the home. Save the marriage work it out.

Answer 2

You separated on a mutual understanding or did you walk out or did she walk out. Did you cheat on or she on you. Do you hate her or her you. This is to complicated to take advice on over the internet with so little info. Most of the USA people will say go to court. I say move back in and make a stand until it's resolved. Remember cheaters always loose.

Answer 3

My husband currently pays me the minimum CSA for our daughter after throwing us out on my birthday. I am currently living in the jointly owned house after exercising my right to get back in and paying everything on my own. His half of the mortgage, life cover and insurance is much higher than the small amount he contributes. I understand that you want to move on with your life and no doubt your ex does too.

We are currently in the process of coming to some agreement over the property, but he cannot force me to sell because my daughter and I  will be homeless and I wouldn't get a mortgage on another property because I work part-time earning too little. I am in no position to pay childcare costs. I barely have enough money to eat these days, while my ex manages to live his life of luxury renting a fancy apartment, eating, drinking and buying designer clothes. I am not comparing you in this situation at all, so please don't take offence. I am not bitter though because I have the best relationship in the word with our daughter who is only two.  

Maybe looking at using a third party to come to some agreement might be a really good idea. Your ex may actually get other benefits because you only pay maintenence? It's all worth looking into.

I hope that this all sorts as amicably as possible for your childrens sakes.

  

Answer 4

You need to take her to court and get everything in writing.  I don't understand her reasoning...this is her problem too and she needs to deal with it...she might be in denial/

Answer 5

UK - everything will be split 50/50 and you will pay 24% of salary to child support, in scotland the kids don't have to be 18 my daughter was still at school when he stopped paying mortgage and eventually house had to be sold or repossessed and by that time daughter was 19 with 1 year old baby. Do you have company pension? that can be split 50/50 also? Divorce is expensive, mine cost £35,000, thank goodness for legal aid.

Answer 6

I know for sure that if both your names are on the mortgage you are legally obligated to pay half that mortgage, and so are you legally obligated to pay for your children, best thing to do is sell the house and split any equity 50/50!..... If she doesn't agree, let the courts decide. But first and foremost.... communicate with her, she was your wife, you had children together, speak to her and listen, and get her to do the same... then maybe agree to have a meeting with both your solicitors and you two to agree on the material and legal obligations that you have from becoming husband and wife. Communication is the key. Good luck

Answer 7

You don't say anything about why you are separated, but I'm not sure that makes a difference.  What usually happens in a case like this is that the house is sold, the equity in the house is split evenly between the two parties, and both of them go live somewhere cheaper.  I do not know your local laws, but here in Alaska, your child support for two children would be set at 27% of your take-home income, which would be 540 apprx., less than half of what you're paying now.  I strongly suggest that you talk to an attorney or solicitor because if it's for you to figure out, you need to know your exact legal rights and obligations.  In addition, you need to know things like whether you can ask for joint custody of the children and ensure that you can see them often during the process of the divorce.

Many good attorneys suggest using a mediator to settle the details, which is much less stressful than a court case, but the place to start is with asking friends for the name of a competent attorney/solicitor, who you will find well worth the money.