Separation anxiety at a year old?

Question

my daughter has recently had trouble letting me leave a room or put her to bed, i read up on separation anxiety and it seems to be exactly what she is going through. my problem is that the stuff i have read says that i should put her in her bed and keep interaction to a minimum, when i leave the room she screams and crys, i usually go back in and rock her to sleep but as soon as i lay her down she wakes up and does it again. how long is it ok to let her cry before i go in and get her, she cries to the point where it seems like she might throw up. what can i do to help this??

Answer 1

give  her   a   bottle  and    put  her  to    bed  and  when  she    cries  say  no  no   it's  sleepy   time    mommy   has  to    go  to    bed

Answer 2

First of all, I resent the implication that parents who don't rush in and rock their kids to sleep when they cry are inconvenienced by their children and want it easy. I am a stay at home mom of 2 (with one on the way) and I am far from that description. However,  I believed it was healthy for my children to help them learn to fall asleep on their own by the time they were a year old. In fact, after several months I stopped rushing in and instead made sure they heard my voice comfort them from a distance and let them soothe themselves. Of course, you have to make sure there isn't a physical reason for their crying.

My children have never suffered separation anxiety when left with a babysitter or in the nursery at church. They know I'll be there and were not harmed by crying it out.

There are "answers" all over the spectrum on these sorts of issues. In the end, you have to do what seems right to you and trust your instincts. You child won't grow up to be insecure and hopeless if you do rush in and she won't grow up to be insecure and hopeless if you don't.

Answer 3

you are 100% right to got o her!! you should never leave your child crying. i know there are a lot of materials out there that say that, but those books are geared toward people who find their children inconvenient and are trying to make being a parent easy. well, we all know nothing worth doing and nothing with great reward is ever easy...

so, as far as sep.anx. yes, it is totally normal at this age. it's hard to deal with, but i found that giving my son a couple hours of undivided attention (like playing alone with him before i started dinner and then really interacting with him during bath and before bed) really helped.i think part of the anxiety at this age is they start to be more independent, so we let them go on their own and then they want us back. a year is a huge developmental push for a toddler and they still don't understand everything that is happening in their world.

luckily, this phase will end like all the other phases. i think how you handle this phase has long term consequences. do you want your child to feel like they can count on you to be there for them? then this is an important time to do just that!

here are a couple quick reads that talk about what you're going through. hope they help!

http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/az35.asp

http://www.babycenter.com/0_separation-a...

http://www.drgreene.com/21_1183.html

Answer 4

She needs to learn to fall asleep on her own instead of you rocking her asleep.  

Imagine from her perspective.  She is safe and cuddled in your arms and falls asleep.  Then next thing she knows she wakes up alone in bed.  I'd cry too!!  

Rock her until she is sleepy but still awake.  She has to be aware you are putting her in bed.  Once you lay her down she will start to figit and will probably cry for you to pick her up.  Don't pick her up!  Pat and rub her and console her until she falls asleep.

You may end up doing this for a long time in the beginning, but pretty soon you will hardly have to console her and she will drift off to sleep on her own.

Good luck!