Separation anxiety from my two-year-old: What can I do to help her?

Question

My two year old daughter is extremely outgoing and fun. However, no matter where I take her, daycare at the gym, nursery at church or the babysitter, she cries and clings to me or my husband and says, "don't go!" Is there anything I can do to help her? What is causing this?

Answer 1

Its a phase, she will get out of it at some point.  But for me it lasted a LONG time.  I had it for several years and still have alot of social anxiety.  I didn't fully get over my seperation anxiety until like maybe 4 years ago when I got with my boyfriend

Answer 2

As a person who has worked in childrens ministries for years I have seen that exact scenario MANY times!!

The child will put on a big show for mommy, but the second she leaves he/she is running around having fun.  If your daughter were crying the whole time in your absence I would say that maybe shes not ready, or its not the right situation for her.  However, that doesn't sound the case.  

My best advice would be to give her a BIG hug, tell her you love her more than anything in the world, and you will be back in a few, and then let the experienced caregiver take it from there.

Most children stop doing this by age 3, if that gives you comfort.

Answer 3

It is unfortunatley something that all children go through.  There seems to be different stages of emotional developement that all kids go through, For example, at 6 months, many kids become upset when a parrent leaves the room.  at another age, a child will start to talk, an another age, other stuff will happen.  Your Daughter is just at the point where That kind of behavior is going to be normal and expected.

However, I will say this, There may be some other factors that influence this behavior to be a little worse.  If she's an only child, or if she's got another child in the house who is not old enough to play with, she is in a position of power at home.  She does not have to share her toys with anyone, if your putting her in a place where there are other children.  It's concievable that at least part of the reaction is that she doesn't want to leave the comfort and security of home.  Cause at home, she doesn't have to share, at a babysitter where other kids are present she does have to share.  Cause of the only child syndrome, she may also not be used to having to get along with the other kids.  When she is at home, and someone reads her a story, she gets the parrents lap all to herself, when she is having a story read at the babysitter, she has to share the lap durring story time, and she pushes the other kids away and gets mad when the attention is paid to more than just her.

Perhaps as far as what you can do at home, invite friends in, and make her share her toys with them, have her get used to not being the center of attention.  I'm not saying pay no attention to her ever, cause she needs that, but I'm saying, get her more used to sharing.  

Also, Dont cater to her every need.  Instead of giving her what she wants when she wants, she needs to be told no from time to time.  Try making her have some delay time between asking for something and recieving it.  This will help her understand that her desires and whims are not the most important thing on earth, and there are other people with needs out there as well.  This will help.

I promise.

Peace and Love.>>>>

Answer 4

It is totally normal, I started leaving my son at daycare because I went back to school.  The first time I took him, I stayed with him and tried to give him a positive feeling about it.  After that I would drop him off and always say "mommy has to go to school now, I'll be back to get you when I am done, I love you and will see you soon." I would hug him and kiss him and leave.  He cried the first week and it was hard for me but he eventually made friends and he loved his teacher so he was fine after that and would not cry, it was actually hard to get him to go home.  Make sure that you come back when you say you are coming back, it's all about trust.  If you're going to have anyone take care of her make it a constant thing where she goes the same days at the same time and hopefully with the same people, they need their routine and familiarity, that's what makes them feel secure.  I bet after a week or two she will be fine, if she's not maybe she's not comfortable with the people who are taking care of her.  Pay lots of attention, maybe she is trying to tell you something.  Since my son is 2 I know it is hard for him to tell me exactly what's wrong so if he does not feel comfortable with someone, I don't make him go with them.  If someone does not give you a good vibe then walk away, motherly instinct is very important, especially when your child is so young and can't communicate, they depend on you to do that for them.  

Answer 5

There is no cause...it is just a phase - really.  I cried and cried after leaving mine at that age because he would just BAWL.  But, I had a great sitter and she always told me that the minute I left, he was fine.  They do grow out of it as soon as they are old enough to realize that when mommy leaves she always comes back!  Don't be surprised if when you come back she doesn't want to have anything to do with you.  If I remember right that phase lasted about 3 to 4 months.