Seperated from Hubby. Kids involved. Which Lawyer?. How to?. PLZ HELP ME. I dont hav a clue wher 2 begin!?

Question

ENGLAND / UK

Seperated from Hubby a few months ago.

He has bad temper problems.

He shouts ALOT of verbal abuse.

We share the time with the 3 kids... nearly 5 year old son, 3 year old son and 5 month old daughter. (half week)

The thing is HE doenst look after the kids, his MOM does. They sleep with her too. THIS woman has turned my kids against me, tells the eldest one how bad i am. She's totally twisted, and HATES girls. She broke up the marriage cuz she couldnt stop breastfeeding or cutting the umbilical cord off her favourite son!!

Hubby KNOWS all this but doesnt give a c**p!

Hubby doesnt pay for much at all for the house, no bills, no shopping, no stuff for the kids.

At the moment things are 'okayish'... i dont want to start him up again or get on his wrong side cuz he's very unpredictable and can get nasty...

BUT my prob is the fact that he doesnt look after the kids, his mother does!! My son is gna start full-time school now and i KNOW he gna get his mom to drop him off and pick him up.

Dilema: Every1 (except all her kids but 1 [ie: my dumb hubby]) can see straight through the mom. but EVERYONE else, lyk the rest of the family, extended family, friends, community feel sorry for her cuz they think 'she's a sweet old woman who has had a hard life' BUTTER WOULDNT MELT!!

My hubby has a lot of respectable friends.

I on the other hand have no one, no family and no friends... i moved cities 5 years ago and not made friends and my family don't want anything to do with me (long story).

Legally what can i do? What kind of a lawyer/solicitor would i need? what do i do? how much would it cost? will it get ugly? what rights do i have? what rights does he have? please help me! I need so much info and advise.

I dont even know if i have the energy to fight anymore. What kinda chance do i have when he has so much people around him and on his side and i have no one?

Also everyone of his family members including him and his mom live about half a mile radius to me and i cant afford to move. i'm only living on child benefit, child tax and income suport. with quite abit of debt that i have to pay and he wont.

Any help would be grateful.

Thanx!

Answer 1

Ok, i can tell how frustrating this is for you and appreciate your situation. 1stly let me say what ever this she devil woman is throwing at you don’t retaliate. Play a very natural battle with regards to your kids. Love them and let them know how much you love  them, tell them all the time, when it comes to their grandma then use phrases like ‘she’s a very complicated woman’ or ‘she is a lovely woman and i hope she lives a long and happy life’ this might seem ridiculous to you but if your kids repeat this to her [and they will] it will do two things, drive her mad that you are being so nice and make you children see who the horrible one is, because all you will portray is loving, caring, mothering words and actions, they will eventually realise what a snake she is, trust me i have been the child in the middle and on the receiving end this approach will work for you.

As far as the solicitor and debt problems i strongly urge you to go to your local Citizens advice burro they can help you, as well as previously mentioned your local job centre and speak to your loan parent advisor, they will help you a lot and give some good advice too.  Stay strong it might seem never ending at the moment but it will get better, you have my word on that one day all the problems that are upsetting you now will just be a bad memory and forgotten! Good luck lovely

Answer 2

Right maybe initially contact a single parent group, for example gingerbread. Or try the local children's centres, i.e. sure start.

They are usually groups in areas where mums meet up etc... they will know the best local family law firms.

Your children sound like they may be at risk of emotional abuse, judging by what you have said.

Although the court would prob allow the contact to remain as it is or you could try reducing it yourself now, maybe they could bring it to his attention that the children may suffer because of his verbal abuse and what his mother says to them.

If you are on these benefits you will get any court costs paid through public funding, and yes it could get ugly.

If you are struggling with your debts go to citizens advice they may be able to help.

If I was in your position, I would def seek a social network of friends first through the children's sure start centres, gingerbread etc... So then you have someone to talk to at least about your issues.

Good luck with what you decide to do.

Answer 3

so sorry to hear about your situation, when it comes to custody and break ups, family ties, and the children there isn't much I haven't encountered in my life time thus far. (37 y/o)  NOTE THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE ONLY THE VOICE OF PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.    First of all, see if there is a LEGAL AIDE, society in your area.  If no, and this will go to court, it will get ugly, you are going to need an attourney.  At this time, you might be able to get a court appointed one,  more importantly, the children should receive one, known as a ' guardian at litem'  they represent ONLY the CHILDREN. Depending on where you live and the laws  The Dept of Social services should be involved to INVESTIGATE both parties, homes, jobs, involvement, family members that cause concerns or problems with or over the children.  If this is not an option, then go to the J&D clerks office and petition the courts for custody.  If you don't have some sort of family support or decent living arrangements benificial to the kids this will complicate your situation.   I really recommend legal aide if its available because they can also help you with his neglect to pay bills which takes away from the care of his children while in your care.  Bring up the fact they share a bed with grandma more than you would allow.  a) habits you cant afford to break later    b)  you want to avoid accusations down the road that someone is/might be teaching / touching the children.  This is a c.y.a (cover your a**) rule !!!!!     Keep daily notes, thoughts, feelings, events, (good and bad) ~~~ family disputes, childrens behaviors, harassment, phone calls, etc).   Do not feed dad and granny's pettiness.  Pretend as tho they are not bothering you THAT badly, and keep plotting your vengance. LOL  I recommend 6 weeks to three months journal.  Only write and tell the truth, do not slander or sling mud.  This will go much better with officials of the courts,  if the proper investigation is done, they will see the true side and motives of your ex and in-laws.  Would love to know how it turns out and good luck with it all.  And by the way. PRAY, if you are being treated unjustly and only have God to trust, then put your faith in him, pray always, and he will help you in the end.   My husband and I got custody and legal guardianship of our niece last Tuesday.  Only we did not have a lawyer, everyone represented themselves and were civil if nothing else.