Serious Identity Problems?

Question

Okay, for the past several years, I've been really struggling to figure out who I "really am." And to this day, I continue to be confused and immensely frustrated. Let me try to explain.

Naturally, I'm a very shy, self-conscious person with a pretty nasty lack of confidence. I'm no good at meeting new people, I've never had a girlfriend (I'm a senior in high school), and I'm CONSTANTLY analyzing everything I do due to my awful self-consciousness. I also get jealous really easily, and I'm very sensitive to every little thing, since I take everything very personally (again, probably due to how self-conscious I am).

This, I believe, is who I naturally am. I see the same in my parents, so I believe I also am like this. But I absolutely HATE it. I don't want to be like this. I want to be outgoing, I want to be lighthearted, I want to be fun, I want to be confident. I want to stop caring so much.

And yet sometimes, for some reason, I get this surge of confidence. Maybe someone said something to me that gave me confidence, maybe I just did something I'm really proud of. Whatever the reason is, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from me, and I'm so much happier. It's how I always want to be. But then the next day, I revert back to my typically shy, self-conscious self.

One of the biggest battles I've been facing is one of self-acceptance vs. the ability to change. And here's where I need help. If this is who I believe I naturally am, should I learn to accept it? I think finally being able to accept myself as I am would help calm me down. But what if I HATE who I naturally am? Is it possible to change that? Maybe this is all just a stage of adolescence I must pass through, and there IS hope that I can get through this?

Please guys, this is a serious problem of mine. One I fight everyday. ANY help, advice, anything, would really be appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

I really wish I could help you, but that is exactly how I am. I have very little confidence, and am always caring about how I look, and cant just walk up to people and say Hi want ot be friends. Like I said before, I would love to help you, but I just cant.

Answer 2

I'm going through the same stuff. Its like your reading off my life. The future is your's to take. Take what you want and allow nothing to stand in your way on your pursuit of happyiness. Listen to like upbeat metal music The Scarecrow by Avantasia is a good song for lifting spirits. What ever happened in the past is not going to change, but the future is what you create.

Answer 3

Confidence is a funny thing. If you pretend long enough, you will wake up one day and find it has become real. I went through the same thing :)

Answer 4

Don't think of it has having to make ONE big change. Think of it more as baby steps. I was (still am at times) the same way. Once I left high school I knew that I had to change if I was going to make it during college. I didn't try to be the life of the party, or anything. I made baby steps to make friends, joined clubs where I took on new responsibilities that included me having to be more outgoing and adventurous. You don't have to make that change over night. You can't, really. Just start taking smaller steps. Join clubs, sports, band at school. It's really easy once you start making the tiniest bit of progress you'll want to keep going. I used to hate going to big parties and hanging out with lots of people, and now I'm loving it! Good luck! You can definitely do it. Just remember: baby steps!

Answer 5

believe me when i say this. i was exactly like this. being shy  and self conscious isnt bad but its just how you are. being confident is a very good feeling so its how i feel everyday. to stop being shy, try playing an instrument such as guitar and also dont think you will suck the first time, thats how i felt. you will get better at an instrument. practice charisma in the mirror or talk to yourself when no one is around. dont think to much on what you do in front of people. if they judge you, dont let it bring you down. if you still need help hit me up on yahoo messenger

Answer 6

Acceptance of oneself as being in a particular state of existence for ever & ever is not in my book! Absolutely not!

I am years older than you, still learning, still excited at the challenges life throws up, still trying to improve my lesser qualities & (rarely these days) still beating myself up if I make stupid mistakes or blunders.

Oh no, this is not just adolescence - this is life, this is maturity, this is selfawareness.

Please google a short piece called Desiderata - it should help you a lot with this & give you some food for thought.

Enjoy the adventures of life & its challenges & always remember you are never too old to learn which is why life & people are so fascinating.

Best wishes. UK

Answer 7

I can definitely relate. I remember there was a point when i literally wouldnt let myself be happy cause i didn't think i deserved it

there is a quote i found saying something like you cant change if your trying to be someone else..im pretty sure a famous psychologist said it too.

and ive realized its true. as hard aas it may be, just ACCEPT yourself. you'll be so much happier! replace every negative though with a positive one, and i PROMISE you itll help. and as i can see from the nature of your question, you analyze a lot. just lt things happen

also, self scceptance does not mean expecting to see a change (especially immediately). true self acceptance will come with you not caring anymore, and oneday youll look back and realize youre a new person.

ive been there, so have a lot of others, its completely normal but can be a huge downer on your life