Serious adults only!?

Question

I am a 36 yr old woman married for 13 yrs in October w/four children. Since having my third child my husband has lost interest in intimacy. This hurts my feeling badly because I am very very interested in intamacy still. Many of my friends don't like s*x but I have the opposite problem. My husband had a very low libido. I have gained a little weight w/my third baby and thought that was the problem but in talking w/my husband found out that he'd like to spice things up a bit. I am shy and always have been sexually. My husband has always been the initiator and I just don't know how to let myself loose. I've tried in the past and he still turned me down which embarrassed me and made me even more shy. I just don't know what I can do to change this but I know if I don't this WILL ruin my marriage because I can't have a marriage without s*x. I would appreciate any imput from someone who's been through it or even just some good advice.

Answer 1

i would say that you should first by some s**y outfits, maybe have a dress up night then slowly move on to other things..

you don't want to go all out with the idea that you will get turned down because that will just make you more shy..

another thing.. whatever you do, when you do decide to dress up or whatever, do not act shy, you hubby probably just wants you to take the initiative and take control, you need to play up to it and enjoy it yourself or it won't work

and if that doesn't work then i would have him walk in on you having fun by yourself and maybe he'll wanna join

Answer 2

my husband found out that he'd like to spice things up a bit?

evidently he want to spice it way beyond what you are comfortable with.. can tell u did not realy get out there before marriage.. shame bout that..  you can force yourself to spice it up.. you can find someone on the side.. if you leave him, it will not nessecarily help your s*x life since you areo so shy..

I would say 420 or something like that.. if you cant do it internaly, find an outside ingfrediant that will relax you.

Answer 3

So what did your husband say he wanted when he mentioned spicing things up?  It doesn't sound like he totally lost interest if he said that.  You know, you could try stripping.  Carmen Electra has some videos out that teach you and there are other dvds out there as well, you can probably check on you tube for clips, but that would certainly spice things up.  If you practice while he isn't home, you may start to feel more confident and less shy about your body.  And if you're concerned about your body, you could start exercising and that will certainly make you start feeling better about yourself (Some of Carmen's video's are strip exercise videos).  Try buying some s**y outfits, too!  And if none of that works, buy some toys for yourself online.  There are websites (babeland.com) where they are very discreet when they deliver.  I believe it's sent from a PO box and it doesn't have the company name on it.  Best of luck!    

Answer 4

there are loads of things you can do... and many (if he wants spice) will make things so much better...

but can't really say them on here.. ;)

Answer 5

has he said how exactly does he want to spice things up???

have u tried it all?? how about getting some s**y lingerie setting some candles in the bedroom??? maybe handcouf or bblindfolds??? or wat about p**n in the background??

ddon'tbe shy, he's ur husband. just do whatever it takes as long as ur comfortable oof course  

Answer 6

I have been married only three years but was very shy when it come to opening up in the bedroom. My husband wanted to keep things interesting. He's your husband, open up. Do things during the day to make him crazy, whisper dirty things in his ear. Try telling him one of you fantasies while you are "taking care of him". He obviously loves you and after 13 years you have to know the things he likes. When he sees you are serious about opening up and not just teasing him with it he will start to enjoy it more. Don't be overly sensitive when he rejects an idea, tell him you want to give him what he wants and be straight forward, seductively, that you want it to. Once you open up and let yourself experience these new things with the man  you love you will be surprised to find out how much more you enjoy s*x with him to.  

Answer 7

don't assume talk ! or go to counseling  there is more to this  than just  s*x  if you don't have the money  talk to a preacher  

Answer 8

I'd compromise if I we're you.  If you are willing to meet his needs, he might just be willing to meet yours at the same time.  Never hurts to try something new.

Answer 9

I think if it came to your marriage you would do something to save it.It's your husband you should not feel shy around him anyways.13 yrs is a long time to feel shy around him.the thing is you should trying going into the different things slow so you can feel alright doing it.just talk to your husband and tell him you want to do it and it's going to take some time.

                          Good Luck!

Answer 10

Dressing provocatively etc,wil only work for a couple of times and you need something more permanent.

If your husband is not keen on s*x he, probanly will not mind if you take a lover, provided you behave discretely. But take care not to fall in love with the lover, other wise you will have another problem.