Question:

Serious advice and opinions needed please....?

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

Sorry if this might get a little long. Well, the family life that I had growing up was miserable, and very depressing. The main source of it was my mother, and my parents fighting all the time. My mom slept on the couch for the last 15 years, and my parents went years without talking to each other, even though they were still married and lived together! I love my mother very much, but I hate to say that she wasn't a very good mom. She is the laziest person I have ever met in my life! We were lucky if we got fed 1 meal a day, and that was dinner, for breakfast and lunch we would have to search the kitchen for anything that might be in there, and usually there wasn't anything, so I had to get pretty creative with putting things together to eat. The house was always a wreck, and I can admit that I didn't help out much at all, but if you did do something, it wasn't good enough, so you always got negativity and never any positive feedback. If it wasn't for my father, I don't know what we would have done. But he was at work all the time, and my mother might as well have not even been there, so my siblings and I pretty much raised ourselves. She is also a very angry person, screaming over dumb stuff all the time, and she didn't beat us, but her capital punishments were over the top, and done out of anger. We acted out in bad ways, which I am ashamed of to this day as an adult. The only love I felt growing up came from my father, and from my other siblings. I can recall only a few times my mom telling me that she loved me, and it was probably because I did something bad. Well, fast forward to the present, and now her and my father parted ways, although they live not far from each other. My mom now has custody of my 4 nieces and nephews, why, that's a different story, but what they're going through is 10 times worse than what we did. Their house isn't a wreck anymore, it is UNLIVEABLE, my mom gets a ton of money from the government to take care of them, which is blown on dumb stuff, they are not being raised properly at all. The kids might as well be living on their own, they would get about the same amount of parental guidance and care. She never has any money to feed them properly, or any money for anything else, yet she will have brand new furniture sitting in her house. My dad ends up giving her money all the time, and they are split up! She only works 2 days a week, she won't work full time, and even if she did she would just find ways to blow the extra money. What do I do? I get onto my mom all the time for what she spends, but she justs gets mad and defensive. I feel so sorry for these kids, if my brother-in law (their father) could see them from heaven, he'd be turning in his grave. I don't want them to have the same emotional issues that me and my siblings have had to deal with because of this, but if I involve cps, they have nowwhere else to go but to foster care, and my mother and her side of the family would probably never speak to me again. I would take all of them myself, me and my husband have our own house, and a son of our own, I am a stay at home mom, but I'm sure that a judge wouldn't give them to me because me and my husband are still quite young (23). The financial part wouldn't be a burden, my mother gets more than enough money from the government for them kids to have every thing they need and so much more. On top of that, I feel that it wouldn't be fair to my husband and my son, but whatever would be in the best interest of those kids, then I will do. I hate the idea of calling cps, they have failed us in the past before when I was a kid. And trust me, it will take an act of God for my mother to change. Any advice will be appreciated, and please keep those kids in your prayers, thanks!

 Tags:

   Report

5 ANSWERS


  1. That is a very serious problem indeed and you sound like a very decent individual to be taking it on.  Have a talk with your husband and see what his view on the matter is, would he be willing to take them in?  If not then it seems like the only right thing to do regardless of difficulty would be to contact Child Welfare Services and report that they are not being properly attended to.  They will do there investigation and make changes if they are needed.  Remember, these are four young lives that need loving and nurturing as much as they need food.  I wish you lots of luck.


  2. If you feel that they are in that much danger..or are in a crappy place...them living with you would be fair to your family...but think of what they are going through..sacrifice 1 or the other..you are going to worry yourself to death if you dont..and make it harder for your own family either way..all children deserve a good life..but is not always the case..cps can make things worse..and as long as every1 keeps helping her be this way..she will continue to do so..a judge will look at your financial situation over your age...there would also be an ivestigation on your living conditions...and how it would be better ..give it a chance before saying you cant....hope this helps god bless and takecare

  3. If you can find real evidence of her crappy mothering skills and get testimonies from the kids themselves you could probably get custody, but yeah calling the cps....bit extreme. Your mother isn't HORRIBLE, i mean not a great mother either but not enough to call the cps? (at least you made it sound like....) by the way please use paragraphs for huge questions...they really strain the eyes.

  4. I am sorry to hear about your childhood and just as concerned as you are about those poor kids.  I would call CPS for advice, not to make a report.  I believe they are interested in improving any child's life, especially if it doesn't involve foster care.  They are interested especially in relatives who want to provide a loving, structured, disciplined and clean(!) home.  Your family sounds perfect.

    I believe they would place them with you and that doesn't mean that any charges would be brought against your mother, just that your family could better meet the needs of the children, so a change could be requested. You also have the added advantage of being a married couple.  

    My step-daughter got temporary custody of her husband's sister's baby for 1 year.  Once the mother got her act together, CPS allowed her to have her baby back.  They are in their late 20's and have no children of their own.  CPS was asking all the relatives to see who would be interested.

    Discuss it with CPS and your husband and son.  You might find, after an initial adjustment period, that you all enjoy having a large family.  I've had a small and then a large family and I loved having a large family the best.  

    You would also have access to family counseling to address any issues that come up.  Please give it a try!  Call CPS and ask to make an appointment to discuss fostering your nieces and nephews.  I think your brother-law would rest a lot easier knowing his children are in you and your husband's capable hands.

    Here's a link to get you started.  I would love to know how it all turns out.  Good Luck to all of you!

  5. Wow, It wouldn't be fair to your husband and son, but I'm sure they would understand if you talked to them about it. If you got custody of the kids, would the govt. pay you to raise them? If so, that's a good idea. You should also talk to them. They're the ones in the situation, ask them what they want. If they rather be in foster care, get into a new family, let them do it if it's going to make them more happier. I would act quickly though, I feel for you. Kids shouldn't be raised that way.

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 5 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.