Serious and urgent parenting question?

Question

What can I do to make my daughter to calm down? She has been going through alot lately. My wife and I found out that her biological mother was abusing her sexually and physically, and that's one of the main reasons that my wife and I got custody of her. She is usually a fun, active, affectionate kid, but lately she has been withdrawn and quiet.

Is there anything I can do for her? I worry about her.

Answer 1

There isnt alot you can do for her, she has to work through this on her own and deal with it in her own way. Therapy would help her, and im sure she doesnt wanna go but it will help her. Just you being there and supporting her will help her too. Try not to hold on to the kid she used to be, that just put pressure on her to be that way again and that pressure can be too much for something dealing with things like this, she wont want to let you down but at the same time she doesnt wanna fake her life and she might try to for your sake but that bottle up angry and pain will twist her in a few years. She just needs time and love, and your family seem to be giving that to her. As with this type of thing she may react irrationally at certain type, liek she might resent you for not being there, but she doesnt really mean it she just needs a target to aim her anger at.

Sit her down and tell her that you love her and your worried. you would like her to go to a therapist, at least for a few weeks as you think it might help. (try looking around for one that your daughter really connects with) That your not pushing her just concerned and want to see her happy again.

Good Luck

Answer 2

She may not like going to counseling because she has to admit that these bad things happened to her.  She may be thinking it is all her fault and she needs to understand that she is not to blame here.  Try a few family sessions where you are all together so that she can have someone there that loves her and cares for her as well.  Some children are torn between the fact that they probably still love the parent that abused them but they hate them at the same time.  Emotional conflict is going to take some time.  She needs to understand that -everything- she is feeling is okay.  

She may be suffering from guilt over what is going on.  Perhaps she blames herself for letting it go on.  Maybe she feels like she can't trust anyone anymore because someone that should have been protecting her, hurt her instead.  Have quiet time with her where she can talk about her feelings without recourse or you trying to fix it, because sometimes people just want to vent without solutions.  Tell her you and your wife are there for her no matter what, that you don't think she's bad, and that you are only upset with what happened to her, NOT her.  

Don't push things.  Start small.  Movies she likes.  A trip to the park, with not a lot of people around.  She may not want to be around others, because she may think they all know what is going on because some people do now.  

Keep up the counseling, and do a few family sessions to get her comfortable with the therapist.  Love her, encourage her, and always remind her it wasn't her fault.

Answer 3

She needs to be seen by a counselor and SOON!This is not something to be taken lightly hun.

Please seek help!Good luck...;)

Answer 4

The best thing is to just be there for her and let her know she is loved and cared for and will not be abandoned.  Could she be wondering if you will leave like her biological mom did.  Could she be worrying about you abusing her too.  Love her. Lots of hugs and kisses and basically let her know that when she is ready to talk, you will be there.  You could try to get her into counseling anyway but then you run the risk of her resenting you.

Answer 5

a council ling session somewhere might help

Answer 6

This is a serious issue that has to be addressed asap. How old is your daughter? I was abused sexually as a child and I am now 34 and developed a mental disorder. They said the cause was from being mentally and physically abused as a child. If I would have talked about it, I don't think I would have these problems today. She really needs to see a therapist. Even if she doesn't talk, she will eventually. She is scared and confused and at this point probably afraid to trust. She will come around. Just give her all the love and attention she needs and let her know you are not going to harm her in anyway. I promise it will get better. God Bless you for taking her in. You are saints.

Answer 7

the first thing i wouold do above talking to her is  take her to chucky cheese or somewhere fun and a family filled day...you know, based around her and what she likes ...do somthing that she will ahve fun at and will love to do with you.....that will fix it im sure!!

Answer 8

counseling really does help i had to go when i was younger i put on this huge front about not wanting to go and i really didnt until i got there and they understood i could talk to them and they would listen to me... I wouldnt take her to a christian counseling even though im a christian they tend to be a little opinionated and bias so find a nice place... maybe a woman counselor so the lady can relate to a girl. She needs a good role model friend to just take her places and do things with her that are normal. She sounds really depressed i was there too when i was about 15-17 so its understandable... take her to the doctor doctor explain what happened they perscribed me some paxil... it helped me feel less angry and helped me relax a little about my worries.. then i talked to a conselor... The number one thing that helped me was me keeping a FEELINGS note book a note book for my eyes and whoever i felt like i was comfortable enough to share it with... and the conselor gave me a feelings sheet that i helped add to my note book i picked a feeling i was feeling off the page and wrote why i felt like that and what that feeling ment to me... I still do that to this day sometimes... Big stress reliver

Answer 9

dont force her to do anything she doesnt want that can make things worse

i know your worried and probibly pissed cuz i sure would be!! just let her know you will always be there for her,you love her no matter what and your there when she needs to talk....i think that would be the best thing to do right now....

im sorry to hear about your daughter its amazing how awful todays world is getting i have a 7 month old and she is my world i could never imagine doing anything to hurt her and i sure as h**l would kill anyone that tried to hurt her!!

good luck and i hope everything gets alot better for your family

Answer 10

Let her know that she is safe with you and that her abuse does not disgust you and was not her fault. Get some professional family counseling for all of you because it is not, as you know, just her problem, you are all in this together as a family.