Serious answers pls....Is this cheating? Was it all my fault?

Question

I was with my ex for 5 yrs and we recently broke it off a little over a month ago. We've had many break-ups in between. She was very emotionally and physically abusive through the most part of our relationship. She was always the one to call it off and i was the one always coming back and she would also always take me back. During these break-ups i would go on dates and when we did get back i would always deny it because i knew how she was and i knew she would just blow it out of porportion and not understand. Well one of our break-ups her best friend saw me with another woman at a restaurant. Ofcourse this got to her. Well we eventually got back together again and she asked me if i had s*x with this other girl i said yes. I did not want to deny anymore, but this bit me in the ***. Now there is TRUST issue, hence this is why we broke it off a month ago. She didnt believe anything i said and always accused me with being with another woman. I have stayed faithful to her when i was with her. Only when she broke it off did I go off my path and dated and had the mistake of having s*x with this woman. She doesnt uderstand what emotional abuse does do ones pride and self-confidence. I never once broke it off because i love her and took all the abuse in hope that she would change. So did i cheat... ( I have posted several questions regarding my recent break-up with my ex this is the reason for the trust issues)

Answer 1

No you did not cheat she has issues she needs to address...and its good that you finally got some new stuffing to take away some of that stress...and not to mention since she has always broke it off,it was your time due to try something new...you may have ran into overtime with it but at least you got some...now far as the trust thing hey don't worry about it because you don't actually  know if she has step out on you or jumped on something else while away from you...because she'll always want to hang something over your head while she proclaim to be innocence which in your heart you know she hasn't been...don't let her eat you up with the trust thing because what you do while your not together with her is your own business as well it is to hers...try to flip it around on her and I bet she gets peanut-butter in her throat as if to say...she'll deny everything you throw at her and if she is that bold...then Tisha there you go...you now have a balanced scale and what you do after that is live with it or just go your separate ways...but do not go back...just try to be friends if possible,your own state of mind is most important and you should not let her take that from you...think about it

Answer 2

She is a drama queen. She would always break it off probably knowing that you will come back to her because you love her and let her be abusive. She got mad because she assumed you were grieving over a break up, thinking about what you did wrong while you actually went out with somebody else and enjoyed your life. I'm sorry, that's no way to go in relationship. She's clearly a manipulator and when things don't go the way she planned and she's losing control she flips out. Breaking up with you and taking you back probably makes her feel she has power over you. You should think over are you happy or not. Because apparently she will not change. You will always be the one to blame.

Answer 3

i don't think you should have slept with the girl but i understand your ex's feeling, but personally i don't think it was cheating. However, if you and your ex keep breaking up and you say that there is abuse than stop going back to her and find someone who can treat you the way you should be treated, and let her do the same. and learn to keep your pants on

Answer 4

You didn't cheat in my eyes or did anything wrong by talking to other women after you both broke up.  At least you are being honest you could have lied instead.  But with women we don't want to here that you been with another woman at all.  So she might have trust issues because of that but you didn't do anything wrong.  But maybe you both need to take a break meaning some months and if the feelings are still there then try to start fresh but if she still have trust issue then let her go and let someone else deal with her.

Answer 5

I don't think it breaks the technical rules of what's considered cheating.  You weren't in a relationship at the time.

But it is possible that, while you two were broken up, you were still with her in your heart, and that's why you feel you cheated on her.  I don't think you need to feel guilty over it.  

Answer 6

That is not cheating.

Get rid of that crazy chick!

Answer 7

If she had broke up with u then u was seeing the other woman then NO u didn't cheat. If she treats u like that u don't need her. From what i read i would say it is not your fault!! If u really love her and u want to make this work then that is your decision, but if u are not happy with how she treats u then it is time to move on. No one should have to be treated the way she is treating u. Good Luck

Answer 8

I am afraid so.

You have broken up many times before & got back together.

It is a routine for you two to do this & you always get back together and you know it, you expect.

So yea you cheated.

I'm sure more than once. The only reason you admit the one time is cause someone saw you.

What is their to not understand? That you like to blame her, or that you are a cheater & want to blame her?

If she has a problem & you love her like you say then both of you need to get some help, It takes more than on person to s***w up.

Answer 9

dude you do not need this drama queen.

no she will not change.

you have to be stronger, and tell her it's NOT ok for her to verbally abuse you and expect you to keep coming back for more.

Answer 10

No, that's not cheating at all. She broke it off and you went on w/ your life. Having s*x w/ another woman shouldn't have bothered her since you were on a "time out." She must have some issues and emotions bottled up inside that needs to be let out. If not it's going to cause more heart ache and turmoil. And also if you keep getting back together and breaking it off maybe you need to step away from this and ask yourself is this healthy.  

Answer 11

well you need to get through her THICK skull that you where not even with her because she kept on breaking up with you and wanting you back and you need to tell her to make up her F***i**  mind and tell her it really does not have anything to do with her or her friend because you 2 where not together at the time so you need to get throught 2 THICK skulls

Answer 12

You were on a break, so technically no, assuming you both were under the impression that a break meant you could date and sleep with other people.

However, if I was your ex, I would be completely heartbroken and end the relationship anyway.  I don't believe in breaks, but if I did, I would be too much in love with my partner to go and get laid with someone else.  To me, having s*x with someone else implies you don't really love your partner, whether you're having problems or not.  You have to want the relationship to work out, and it almost sounds like you didn't.  Perhaps you were just tired of it all, and I don't blame you.  In the future, think about how you would feel if your partner said, "Every time we take a break, I sleep with a different guy."  Wouldn't that make you wonder if the breaks were only taken so she could get some?  Wouldn't you worry about STDs or pregnancy?  I couldn't deal with it myself, and I would hope that my partner loved me enough not to have s*x with someone else.

Answer 13

No,because the two of your weren't going together.

Answer 14

No you did not cheat because you guy's where broken up. If you were still togeter then yes but your were not. It sounds like she got jelouse when she found out you were with another women. You did nothing wrong. You were broken up so dont worry.

Answer 15

Why don't you just face the music....it isn't going to work with this girl in the long run, so just move on.  The lengthy explanation you provided is indicative of youthful emotions that will prove to you to be as laughable as they are stupid ten years from now.  

There is no trust because there doesn't need to be.  You lay no claim to one another if you're not married.  Of course, this does not mean that you should go around spreading your seed at will, either.

Next time, ask this question in Singles and Dating.

Answer 16

that's not cheating...first of all, you are not together when you had s*x with that woman... second...when you are with your girl, you did not cheat her at all cost...

good for you that you've broke with her

Answer 17

No, that is not cheating. If you had been married and were in a separation, but not yet divorced, then that would be technically cheating. That is not your situation, you are not married, and you should thank your stars for that fact.

Listen, I am sorry to say this as I know you are hurting, but you are well rid of this young woman. She is abusive, uncaring of your feelings or experience, thinks only of herself, which makes her extremely selfish as well as abusive. Do you really wish to spend the rest of your life with somebody who makes you miserable on a continual basis? Is your self esteem really so low that you think you do not deserve better than what this woman dishes out to you?

My son is in a similar relationship. They have been together for three years now, and she is extremely emotionally, psychologically abusive, and very controlling. He lives in one state right now while he works an apprenticeship for carpentry that is for "their" future, but she is too selfish to come out with him. She constantly insists he must keep his phone on him so she can call or text at any moment, which she does constantly. He must sleep with his phone and call her the moment he gets up. She rags at him in front of his parents and other relatives, and then wonders why we don't much like her when we see the affects of her treatment. I hate it that my son has such low self esteem he stays with such a horrible person.

To make the situation worse, she can do anything she wants, not phone him or keep her phone with her. If he says anything to her about not calling or texting her she throws a fit saying he is controlling and she "needs her space". She denies him any privacy or respect whatsoever.

This young woman who recently broke up with you has done you a favor. I encourage you to run for the hills. There are a lot of young women who would love a young man who treats her sweet. You sound like a sweet, gentle, caring young man with a lot of love in your heart. I understand that it is difficult to leave somebody you have spent this much time with, but you know, deep in your heart, that she mistreats you and that you deserve better.

I hope you wake up to this fact and see your own worth, and allow yourself to move on. As you heal you can also work on your self esteem and confidence levels, learn you are worth so much more. Once you do you will find a young woman who will not mistreat you. Once who will love you as you do her, and be there for you too, as you are for her.

Would you want to have children with this woman? If not, then you know for a fact she is not in your future. If she abuses you she will abuse your children, and wind up taking them from you and your parents. This is what abusive young women do, abuse children too, and then use them to control the father, or hurt him as much as she can. So, think about that, can you really picture her as a loving mother who treats her children well? I doubt it very much.

My advise is to let her go, move on, let yourself heal. I know it is difficult, but you will feel better one day. However, you need to stay away from her or this will drag on and on and on.

Good luck and have a nice day.

Answer 18

she probably considers it cheating because

you guys were pretty much just taking breaks

from each other and back together. but i guess

in a way it's not cheating because you were broken

up during the time you were with another girl.

Answer 19

No, you didn't. It would have been different if you had broken up with her in order to pursue a booty call then got back together. She is the one that broke up with you. The only thing I find wrong is that it seems that you pursue her when she breaks up with you and all the while you date others. You realize that you can be causing someone else heartache with that game. You and your ex need some counseling. It is not healthy to carryout a relationship like this. Your ex seems like she does this just for the attention. She cannot complain about what you do when this happens.

Answer 20

no you didn't cheat you were broken up therefore what you did is none of her business! i would get out and get over her she is NEVER gonna change and you are only gonna resent her as time passes for the emotional and physical abuse!

Answer 21

No you did not cheat on her.  You did nothing wrong.  She sounds like she has major issues that can't be worked out.  Honestly the best thing to do is break it off with her for good.  Staying with her will only make you miserable.  Find somebody you can be happy with.

Answer 22

If you love her I would constitute that as a cheat, but hey , you were broken up a the time and did this, but you loved her still. I would probably consider this a cheat. Yep, It's a cheat.

Answer 23

It seems as if the breakups and get-togethers have been chaotic and then she took it to be a "break," and never figured you'd do it with another woman.

Your relationship with her is crazy and neurotic, very unhealthy. You'd be better off breaking it off for good and then analyzing how you can find a kind and loving woman instead of a nut-job.  

Answer 24

you didnt cheat-you were broken up. i wouldnt date you ex again, its not working dont try to make it work, dont take the abuse, its not a healthy relationship and it not healthy for you. find someone new, theres a lot of great girls out there, who arent abusive so go find her!

Answer 25

i don't think you did... but youre right, emotional abuse can make you even question yourself. let this go if you can... don't go back to her. try and make yourself a new life, and rebuild who you really are. good luck :)

Answer 26

You should have cheated on her a long time ago!! Your ex, or whatever she is to you sounds like a psycho nut!!!! Find a girl who wants to treat you like you should be treated. This woman of 5 years has a lot of PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck. ♥

Answer 27

This girl is poison.  Be thankful it's over and go live your life your way.

Answer 28

When you call it off, you call it off. Regardless if you get back together  again. Wanting to control someone's life, even after you decide to separate from them seams very manipulative, e mature and unfair.

Answer 29

on your side it would not be classed as cheating but then on a womens side it would be classed as cheating and i would take it as you cheated on me but at least you told her .

Answer 30

If you are broken off with someone, you are no longer under any obligation to remain faithfull to that person, and it's unrealistic for that person to expect faithfullness under those circumstances.

   I do feel, however, that you might well have had a sneaking suspicion that you weren't completely done with that relationship, and in that regard you showed very poor judgement by sleeping with another woman.