Serious parenting advice please?

Question

My son who is 12 is getting to hard to handle he has done multiple things to hurt this family he has thrown my 6 week old puppy down the steps he never gets along with his sisters always fighting with them will never listen to me or anyone else for that matter he called my 6yr old's friend on the phone and cussed her out on there answering machine for no reason he will not do any chores he wont take care of himself (personal Hygene) he is adhd/odd he is on meds but they are not helping i have had him on every adhd medication there is and nothing works i think he tries to do sexual stuff to my daughter but can't prove it and she says no but i don't think she understands. I was looking into bording school but 54,000 is a little to steap for me he has been in counseling it didn't do anything for him. I am at my wits end i don't know what else to do any real advice would be so much appriciated because i do not have any ideas anymore.

Answer 1

if counseling does not work their is military school, adoption. But before you cosider that have him visit a juvinal detention facility or jail to see where he will be if he keeps it up and if u can ask he why he is acing the way he is

Answer 2

What happens every time he does something wrong? You yell at him, scream at him, ground him.. Either way he get attention. It doesn't matter if it's negative attention or positive, it just seems like he wants attention. Try spending some real time alone with him. Take him out for lunch and maybe go to a park and when he's calm try talking to him about it. Tell him that you love him, but are worried about him. Tell him that when he acts like that, it makes you angry and sad. You may assume that he knows you love him, but say it out loud, hug him and mean it.

Answer 3

This is serious stuff.  You need to be active in trying to find help for your son.  You sound like you are giving up.  GO TO A DIFFERENT DOCTOR.  Go to 12 different doctors until you find one that will help him.  Even if you have to travel 1 1/2 hours to get there.  If you don't do something, this will get way worse.  Boarding school, military school will not work, because this has to do with something that is chemically wrong with him.

Answer 4

First & foremost, if you've tried every ADD medicine and none of them work, then he doesn't have ADD.  Those medications could have adverse affects if he's been misdiagnosed.  I've seen it before.  It sounds like he needs a new look at his ODD and the meds he takes for that.  I would also look into your school district's schools that cater specifically to ODD students.  They have very strict and clear rules with specific rewards and consequences.  It's a lot easier to feel like you've got some control in your life if you know what the rules are every time.  Sometimes a regular public school is more restrictive in the sense that the rules aren't always clear.  I realize it's summer now, so this is something to think about for the coming school year.  Look into your local chapter of the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.  Perhaps finding a positive older male role model will do your son some good.  As for your concerns about "sexual stuff," I think it's extremely important that you continue counseling, even if it doesn't seem to be helping now.  Check with your county's social services and see if there is a program that can help.  In my county there is a program aimed at families with kids just like yours, and they offer a wealth of services.  Best of luck, and don't give up!

Answer 5

Go camping....

Seriously, take personal leave from work, get the inlaws or parents to take care of the other kids, pack up the backpack and head into the woods for a month.

Leave the medications behind

He has many addictions right now, so it cannot be done in a weekend, or even a couple of weeks.  In fact it will be h**l for 2 weeks, and healing for 2 weeks.

The best way to do it is to have someone drive you in, drop you off, and come back for you in a month.  Keep your food basic, no sugar (or anything that ends in -ose in the ingredients), no white flour or white rice.  If possible be near a lake or river and try fishing for food, but also try to be as far from civilization as possible.  While out there, play survivor man, or whatever you want to call it. Basically learn how to survive, with him and for him.

Yes, you can send him off to a boot camp and accomplish the same thing, but he did not make himself, you made him, and you will remake him unless you also learn how to survive as well.

Answer 6

Has he been coded ED at school? If he hasn't been, you may want to ask your childs school to screen him for it-- he sounds like he has some aggression issues as well as a "disconnect"  or lack of empathy. ED is Emotionally Disabled, and there is a whole world of issues that can fall under that umbrella-- but it sounds like it may be a factor in his behaviour. Is this sudden onset (since a move or divorce or some such) or has it been building up? Another thought-- his meds-- have they been adjusted recently? Keep in mind, as he grows/gains weight he will need his meds adjusted. I am a teacher and we often see kids "outgrow" their meds and their behaviour shifts pretty drastically. If he is in Public School, I would highly advise you call and ask about getting him screened /coded. Explain your concerns== the fact that he is hurting animals and engaging in sexually inappropriate actions are huge red flags. In the meantime- I wouldn't leave him alone with younger children or animals-- for their own safety. I hope your school is able to provide or direct you to a good ED program- sounds like he may benefit from it. Good luck!

Answer 7

there are foster homes maybe and also there has to be some help out there, i would call your local family services dept up and ask.  or call your dr and tell him you are at your end please help!  your kid is dangerous to himself and to others so he might need to be in some type of home...or be hospitalized in the mental ward.  they need to find out whats wrong with him and treat him!!

Answer 8

Does he see a psychiatrist and does the psychiatrist know all this - sounds like bipolar to me.

Answer 9

Get him counsoling. He might have a real problem like depression or something. Talk to the doctor and if nothing else helps...you really might need to take that big step and do boarding school. I hope this helped.

-Tara

Answer 10

That's serious stuff.  First I'd take him back to the doctor (or a different doctor) until you find something that will help him.    Second, I'd seriously supervise him all the time.  Do not under any circumstances leave him alone with your daughters -- ever.  I know it seems like you should be past the constant supervision thing with a 12-year-old, but with this 12-year-old you clearly can't be.  Also I'd look for some sort family counseling might be helpful to give you ideas of ways to deal with such a challenging kid.  That's not to imply you're doing something wrong.  I know some kids are just much tougher to raise than others.  But it could be helpful in terms of giving you good advice on how to handle a kid who is so difficult.

Answer 11

Take him to a psychatrist.