Serious problem with a co-worker?

Question

I'm kind of at a loss for how to deal with this problem other than just quitting and moving on, which I really really do not want to do because I like my job a lot, and like most of the people I get to work with.

However, there is just this one person that I can't get along with at all. To make matters worse it's a female, and I'm a guy. As you can imagine there's a ton of awkwardness on my part dealing with this. I caught her badmouthing me to a member of management. I should have confronted her about it then and there but I didn't. I'm afraid she's trying to get me fired and have been obsessing about it all evening. From the start, the two of us have never gotten along, and anytime I've tried to make any casual conversation she treats me like a disease and tries to get away.

I'm reluctant to talk to management because I don't want to be seen as a whiner, and I don't know how to deal with a female about this sort of thing. I want to handle this as diplomatically as possible, but can anyone give me some advice on how to do that? She's been at this job longer than me and I'm afraid management will side with her over me, so I'm really just at a loss here, but at the same time I don't want to quit because I don't have anything else lined up at the moment, and I like the job I'm at very much.

Answer 1

If you like your job as much as you say you do, you will either have to confront this lady or leave.

I've had this problem once myself, it won't go away. I had to confront the person and I told them I had no idea why they disliked me and enjoyed picking on my every move since I was new at the time. It upset me so bad I HAD to get it out in the open. Good Luck.

She claimed she didn't dislike me and had nothing against me but I told her I wasn't going to tolerate her harassment that it was not allowed on the job and if she didn't knock it off, I was going to arrange a meeting between her & myself with our human resources department.

I found out later she had been picked on by a previous employee (who left) when she was new, so she was doing it to me. She backed down after that confrontation and quit soon after.

If you keep letting her get to you it will undermine your confidence and you will look paranoid to your boss.

You have the right to do your job without being hounded by any one.

Answer 2

You have to talk to your manager.  Do you have any concrete evidence to present that is impacting your job?  Just say something like " I have observed her unprofessional behavior, spreading rumors about me...it is causing me undue stress on the job.  Can you tell me if I am doing anything wrong."  Ask for an assessment of your job performance.  You won't be seen as a whiner.  I cannot tell you how many employee "tiffs" I had to deal with, working with highly educated, professional people....Dont' quit.  Talk to your manager.  Good luck to you!  (retired IBM exec mgr/psychologist)

Answer 3

i have had a similar experience at work too, i found the best way is to not react to her at all, only be polite and professional. She will make herself look like an idiot to the rest of the office, it is one of the hardest things to do trust me i know. But i always think that if you give somebody enough rope they will hang themselves. Please dont let her get to you. After a bad day end it with a postive, ie buy yourself a pressie, it keeps the smile on your face.   all the best    

Answer 4

Keep your head down and do your job.  This woman will earn a reputation as a backstabber and a whiner--if she's not already!

You can earn a reputation as a hard worker who has sense enough not to sweat the small stuff.  Just avoid her.

Answer 5

I would discuss this with my supervisor and possibly with human resources.  Approach themi n the manner of a persons asking for advice.  How do I deal with this problem?

Answer 6

"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer". The best thing you can do is keep a positive attitude all the time, and do the best job you can do. Your good attitude and hard work will rise above any co-worker bad mouthing you, and eventually people will see her for who she is, and all they will be able to say about you is that you are always positive and do a good job. I would also document every encounter you have with this person, in the event it escalates in some way. By law, they can't fire you simply b/c someone is bad mouthing you. I would just stay positive and do a good job, and you will be fine. Don't confront her, that is what she wants, and that would mean you are stooping to her level. I would completely ignore her, and be as friendly as you can to everyone you work with. She will hang herself eventually, and you will come out smelling like a rose. You are probably being harder on yourself than everyone else is, which is easy to do, and no one is probably thinking of this situation other than you. So, forget about it and enjoy your weekend! She isn't worth it!

Answer 7

talk to your boss, dont care what people think. ask your boss to call her in, while your in there to. then all 3 of you can sort things out, hopefully she will spit out what shes so mad about.

Answer 8

The best thing to do would be to talk to her directly and tell her that you did not appreciate her damaging your reputation.  This is very unprofessional and should not be tolerated by management.  However, if you are unable to do this then contact your Human Resources department to see if they have any ways of dealing with the issue.  Perhaps there can be some mediation between the two of you.  

Best of luck