Serious problems with my mom?

Question

ill try to make this as short as possible. me and my mom i say had a good relationship all until i was around 11 or 12. i guess its because i started growing up, and started realizing things clearer. my mom and dad never got along. they got a divorce when i was 12. so now im 15, and its not any better. we fight and argue constantly. not one day have we gone without a argument. she yells at me for the stupidest things possible. and complains and b*****s just all day long. even when i don't do anything wrong! ok she's been through a lot in her life. with the divorce with my dad(hes an alcoholic but other then that hes a good guy, never abused her or anything). but for some reason she sees him as such a bad person. and my grandma(her mom) passed a year and a couple months ago. i guess this is a lot to go through but it doesnt give her the right to take it out on me. shes a single mom and doesnt get the best paycheck, but its so d**n hard to get a penny out of her, i have to earn everything. not even on my bday.

so couple things: she yelled at me for eating cheese! she yelled at me for eating 3 fruits! and yelled at me for spending money that i earned and wasnt hers. she keeps trying to get me to get money out of my dad, when she doesnt want to do anything. its getting to the point where i cant take it anymore, and im thinking of moving in with my dad. well i think its because shes uhh 50? i think or 49? but who really cares. so her brain cells are starting to go and shes losing it.

oh and with the divorce and grandma dieing i dont really care all that much. **** happens. move on, dont dwell on the past. but ever since that things have changed. my grandpa lives with my aunt, and he plays with his friends at the park like chess and stuff. and he comes in freely when he wants into my house. and i dont like it, i need my privacy dammit. she doesnt allow friends over when theyre perfectly good people. i just dont know what her problem is. shes at work all day btw.

and last thing. for everyone who says "look on the bright side..." or something no there is no bright side, it sounds worse then it is. you may think everyone has their off times but its much worse then just "off times".

so what should i do? and don't say talk to her, there aint no talking to that women, there just isn't. and dont think we can afford therapy.

Answer 1

Not sure why you don't care about your grandma.

You need to agree on a system that works for everyone as much as possible.

Anything that doesn't work needs to be modified until EVERYONE is happy again.

Try it.

Snow Man

Answer 2

you say, "he comes in freely when he wants into my house and i don't like it."

well now, ain't that too bad. considering IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE!!!  IT'S YOUR MOM'S HOUSE!!!

i think you need a chill pill little girl. mind your manners and try much harder to get along with the person that is paying your way in life, as hard as it may be for her.

just my thought, if mom gets a couple of bucks ahead she should invest in some spyware to see what a nasty kid she has!!!

Answer 3

That's a v depressing situation though. You should just like burst infront of her and shout the fck off all your issues with her and maybe in that way she would listen to you. And if she still doesnt stop her nonsense i think you really should move in with your father ...

I also have serious problems with my mom , but somehow i cant leave her side. its like something is pulling me to stay.  

Answer 4

maybe moving in with pops would be best.......

Answer 5

I was separated from my kids father for 2 years because of his drinking.We have since worked things out, but during those 2 years life was such a struggle for all of us and I was very stressed out and depressed trying to do and be everything for my kids by myself. It is the hardest job in the world to try to balance work, paying bills, kids school schedules and kids every day needs when you're a single parent. It's absolutely exhausting! I know it was so overwhelming for me that at times I would forget about the impact it had on my kids too. Food can be a big issue when you can barely afford groceries and sometimes it can turn into a fight when it goes too fast as sad as that is.

It sounds like your mom may be having a difficult time trying to deal with her situation and it may be that she feels that nobody cares or wants to do their share of the workload or responsibility. Are you offering to help when needed and have you told her how you feel about her treatment in a respectful way?

I feel bad for you because know first hand how hard it is to be in a broken home as I grew up in one. It was sad to see the emotional pain my mom went through for years and she withdrew from the world.

I wish I would have been easier on her when I was 12-16 years old, but I was angry at both of my parents for making my life difficult. They were angry at me for making their lives more difficult, etc..

I know that sometimes health departments with family services offer counceling at lower rates than private therapists. Hope you can both resolve things. The fact that you care enough to ask for advice at your age shows that you are willing to try. Best Wishes to you and your family.

Answer 6

I was all empathetic until you said she's 50, maybe 49 (you should know your mother's age by now) and that she should just move on and get over it. I would LOVE to see how you view things if you were in her shoes for just a mere day and had to deal with the devastating pain of a divorce, work a low paying job to take care of your bratty kid, bear the pain of losing your mother (YES YOUR MOTHER....NOT A GRANDMOTHER...it's much different) and then see how you would feel. Just for a day! You need to move on and not dwell in YOUR past and let your mother grieve. Moms are not machines you know! And until you are grown, moved out, have a job and are paying your own bills.....YOU DON'T HAVE PRIVACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so Gramps can come and go as he pleases (with your moms ok).

Now back off your mom and be a comforter to her instead of just another issue she has to deal with. Let her know you actually appreciate her and what she's doing for you. I think you need to apologize simply for what you wrote.

Answer 7

You definitely need therapy... I know you said ya'll can't afford it. Maybe you can call around I knowthey have free services everywhere. Until then geez.. can you live with your dad? It seems maybe just maybe she's going through menopause... my mom got the same exact way. Try to put up with it or try to get the h**l out is what I'd do... and really look into some counseling for yourself.

Good luck and big huggggggs

Answer 8

that is not as short as possible, and I didn't have enough time to read, sorry

Answer 9

I'm in a similar situation...

or at least, I was.

She's better now, though.

She fixed herself (although, the visit from Children & Families certainly sped up the process)

My mom's still not completely great.

She has a drinking problem sometimes

and has mood swings.

The best I've got for the both of us is that you can't pick your parents, and there are kids that are worse off than you are.

(I know, lame)

But really, just a few more years and you'll be out of the house. :]

Answer 10

your mom is definitely dealing with a lot of ****....and there is nothing that you can do but to move in with you dad....that will end all of the bullshit with ms.51/50

Answer 11

Firstly the reason she is like that is due to stress.  It has nothing to do with you personally but since you are the only one in the house you are the one who cops it!  Also, she is tight with money because she doesn't have much to spare.  If she works all day she does it for the money and is obviously tired.  Also, you may not know everything that si going on in her life.  You don't know if your dad abused her or not - only she does.  Sometimes verbal abuse can be just as bad and I am sure your parents acted differently when  you were around.  Try doing a few nice things for your mum and see how that goes.  maybe run her a bath for when she gets home with bubble bath and let her relax for a while.  Maybe stat preparing dinner for her one night.  If it is just the two of you you need to help out.  Also, i am sure she wasn't angry just because you ate cheese.  She may have been having a bad day and chose to yell at you.  But were you eating it before dinner?  Was it because she needed it for sandwiches for the next day?  Also, things may be bad with your mum but what makes you think they will be any better with your dad?  Although it doesn't help the situation, your mum is acting this way due to stress.  If there is a  money problem she may not want to worry you and that is why she reacts the way she does when you spend even your own money.  She may worry that you may need to use it later on if she doesn't have enough.  And all parenst try to get their kids to save.  You haven't mentioned brothers or sisters but is there anyone else that you could talk to?  Try being nice and see how that goes.  Most people treat people the way they treat them.  Like if a person is nice to me I would be nice back.  If they are rude i am rude back.  Most people react that way.

Answer 12

Try and look at things from your mother's perspective. She's in her fifties, has no husband and a son that will leave home soon - she sees no future for herself, she has no money - no 'mother' to talk to. She lashes out because she loves you - but this doesn't make it right.

She's probably depressed and really cannot see anything good in life - so every piece of cheese you eat is draining her money and making her life even worse.

She can go to the doctor and get diagnosed - and have treatment - sometimes just knowing you have a problem will help you deal with the problem.

She almost seems to be telling you that you need to be the man, need to be in control....it's a hard thing for someone your age to bear...

Advice? not sure if anyone can really give you advice....you're the only one who truly knows your mother - can your father talk to her?