Serious question for other parents?

Question

I have an 11 yr old daughter who has always been a

well-behaved child. Her grades, however, have always been at or slightly below average (B-C). I am consistent with her, have always been vigilant about her homework being done & help her when she needs it, she does extra-credit whenever it is available & she completes every home project & science fair.

I attend all parent-teacher conferences & implement the teacher's suggestions, hire a tutor both during the school year & all summer, have her on a schedule of chores, homework, reading, practicing her instrument, make sure she is well-rested, well-fed, prepared, and at school on time. She gets adequate exercise & is involved in extra-curriculars (dance & sports) & I also make sure she gets "down time" to play with friends. She has never missed more than 2 days for illness in a school year-

I tried one year to take away her privileges for the lack of improvement in her grades, but, she just became depressed & insisted that she was

Answer 1

You can't make her into something she's not and maybe she is just a B & C student.  Not everyone is destined to be great in school.

Answer 2

As long as she's putting her best effort into the work, then I would ignore the letter grades altogether.  Everyone learns differently.  And, 'average' means 'as good as everyone else'.  That's a perfectly fine place to be.  

Reward or give consequences for her effort, not for her letter grades.  There is no reward or consequence that's going to make her brain work in a way that will always give her 'A's.

Answer 3

Find one subject she enjoys, and put focus into improving on that.  This will teach her how to be successful in school, and may even find joy and pride, out of that success.  Put the focus on the positives.  You mentioned her being well fed, rested etc, but not happy.  If she does enjoy something like that, encourage reading about dance, something that will translate to higher grades.

Answer 4

I am not judging but maybe she has too much on her plate.  Try making her choose 2 things that are the most important to her and eliminate the rest.  This way she can concentrate in school and instead of liking everything she does, she'll LOVE the couple things that she choose to do.

Answer 5

If she is doing the best she can you need to be proud of her and let it go. Don't make her feel bad about her best work. My grand daughter puts so much pressure on her self and gets upset over less then perfect grades.It worries me. (she is also 11) Its sad that parents think less than perfect is wrong. The best she can do is all you can ask for.

Answer 6

Learning is much more than the letter on the piece of paper.  Letter grades depend on the teacher, topic, evaluation system, & other many aspects of her educational life.  She sounds like she is becoming a well-rounded person.  Punishing for poor grades, when she is trying, can discourage her from wanting to learn.  Loving to learn is a trait that will benefit her the rest of her life.  Letter grades can become trivial later in life.

Answer 7

Wow, that looks like I wrote that! We had the exact same problem wirh my daughter when she was 10-12. We tutored and everything. SOMETIMES...it is the teacher. But only sometimes. There are a lot of wonderful teachers in this world. Like when I was in school, we actually had teachers that cared if we understood the classwork before they moved on to other chapters. Now, there are teachers who just don't care. They go over the work once and of the student doesn't comprehend then they blame the student. My daughter is going to 9th grade next year and we still had one or two teachers last year that I had to teach her the Math and Science when she got home just so she would understand.

These are the kind of teachers that get into the profession for the WRONG reasons.

You should try praising her for getting those Bs and Cs and not failing. Try not to expect too much out of her. Encourage her to do her best! Some kids are only B and C students like my daughter. I am just happy she passes.

Answer 8

She isn't going to be a B student, get over yourself.  She is doing the best that she can, and all you are doing by pushing her to get better grades is telling her that she's not good enough, you are tearing down her self esteem which, right now that she is entering puberty is going to have a devistating effect on her life in general.  Average by the way is C...if she is reaching that then you need to back off.  Maybe cut out some of the extra stuff such as the extra cirriculars.  Sounds to me as if she is buring the candle at both ends and it's affecting her.  Give the kid a break, because she is just a kid.

Answer 9

Maybe school is just hard for her.  As long as she is trying her best just be proud and encouraging.  Sounds to me like you are doing everything you can.  Some kids just have a harder time.  If you get too concerned you could speak with the counselor about a possible learning disability like dyslexia.

Answer 10

Maybe there is something she is not telling you. She sounds like she's not putting all her effort to get As. How is her social life at school? maybe she has no friends? talk to her and ask her if something is bothering her. She is probably going thru puberty so she is acting that way.

Answer 11

You can't MAKE your daughter a B student. Some children just aren't made to be great in school. Maybe you are pushing her too hard and she is getting frustrated. If she is trying her best, than that is all you can expect from her.

Maybe you should make a rule that she has to keep her grades to at least a C+ or a B- or she can't participate in extracurricular activities. Some schools have these rules for their sports players.

Maybe she is just over-scheduled. I was an A-B student in school and I didn't have near that much going on at 11. I went to school, did homework, watch tv, eat and went to bed.

At 11, she really doesn't have to practice her instrument everyday. They do that at school and she has 7 more years to get better. She should read because she enjoys it, not because you make her.

Just so you know, C is average. Thats why its in the middle of the grading scale. A- excellent; B- above average; C- average; D- below average; F- failing.

You really need to take a look at what is going on now and decide if what you are doing is going to help her when it comes to her deciding to go to college or push her away to the point she doesn't go at all. Try not to burn her out on school because you want her to do well.

EDIT: Everyone watch what you say. I just got a rude email about my 'ignorant answer' and not paying attention to the details. Apparently she is looking for a fix it for her daughter because she isn't living up to her expectations. Maybe they will have the same relationship me and my mom had, we finally really started talking again after 7 years of her pushing. Maybe she should reread her question so she will realize why we are answering it the way we are. The way it is, it sounds like she has her daughter doing something constantly.

EDIT: You can believe you are right all you want but then again why are you asking strangers for help when you are apparently the expert in raising the perfect child. Oh except for her grades. Which I still hope some day she tells you to shove it. Maybe then you will leave her alone and she will do better.

I am simply basing my thoughts on experience not on objective ideas that prove nothing and has no basis to begin with. I hope one of these other answers has given you the same advice as I have, since most of them are basically the same. Especially since none of us has the pill to make your daughter as smart as you want her. I hope anyone else who received the rude emails I did from her answered her back well.

You can't give us half the information, then get mad when we misunderstand things and then claim perfection as a parent otherwise. Oh, in case you didn't know, EVERY parent messes up at some point, and I think this is yours.

Yes, I am a parent too, only my kids are still young enough to enjoy life without responsibilities and over-achievement type expectations. Yes, I was an only child and had everything I wanted otherwise. Like I said before her grades not being good enough is more YOUR issue than hers if she is trying as hard as she can. Possibly you have forgotten how hard school can be now for kids and in case you forgot you daughter is still a kid.

PLEASE DO NOT EMAIL ME ANYMORE. I DON'T CARE FOR BEING CALLED IGNORANT NOR DO I LIKE BEING TOLD MY LIFE EXPERIENCE IS NONSENSE. I HOPED THAT AN INTELLIGENT PARENT (OR AT LEAST OPEN MINDED) WOULD TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT IS: ADVICE!! NOT CRITICISM.

Answer 12

Cs and Bs are great grades!

Answer 13

C is considered AVERAGE.

Your child may not be doing well because she can't. That doesn't make her a bad child or a stupid child. Not everyone is academically gifted above average.

Most of the world is made up of average people who are decent and hardworking and who take care of their responsibilities.

Encourage your daughter just to do the best she can and lay off on the year round tutoring! She is a CHILD and should be given the opportunity to have a rest from all of the brain drain.

If your child is well behaved, obedient and is able to participate in school regularly, that may genuinely be all she CAN do.

Answer 14

That reminds me of myself when i was that age. Some kids are just B-C students. It doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't trying; some kids will just never be A+ students, no matter what you do. I tried so hard in school that was depressed for several years, and sometimes felt like crying in class because i just couldn't pull up from a B. My dad didn't make it any better, and we ended up having a lot of unnecessary problems from it. All you can really do is tell her that if that's the best she can do, then she should be proud of herself. B-C isn't that bad, she can still definitely get into college with that!