Seriously hating my mother in law..any advice?

Question

I was cooking dinner for everyone (mother in law has been down from PA all week). My husband changed my 2 year old, then came in the kitchen yelling at me for not changing her. He was in the living room with her at the time, so I told him "it was just a p**p, not a big deal". So this little spat turned into him yelling at me for not paying attention that she had a p**p ten minutes ago. Well I dismiss him and his arguement and kinda sneer and laugh. Well MIL can't stand to see her son upset (which he usually is about something). So she tells me that I should love him for who he is and I knew his tempermant and not to argue with him. I got so mad that she said that, I told her to mind her own business and to stop telling me how to do things in my own home. She said that my lil one gets scared when Jason yells because I told her to be scared. I was even more angry and told her that she need not worry about my kid....accentuating the "my kid" part. So she says, if that's how it is I'll sue you for custody. I handed her cell and told her she could call a lawyer on the way to the airport, then I called a taxi for her. Anyway, I don't feel that bad. I feel relieved that she's not here, but I do feel bad that this is probably going to have long term consequences and I worried about how my husband feels. I just want opinions. We've only been married for 3 years and we're in our mid- twenties. I don't know if I'm too rash and non tolerant..ya know. It gets hard sometimes.

Answer 1

Okay. Well. You were way too harsh. Yes, it's your home and your family, but there will always be someone criticizing something you're doing and you need to learn how to deal with that. I'm surprised your husband let you kick his mother out.  

Answer 2

Wow, you Rock!!!

I would have never even get near to yelling at my MIL!!!! hahaha!

Bu u know, it will bring later on consequences!

She is part of your family and nothing will change that unless u divorce ur hubby but still she is your kid's grandma FOR EVER! and that's how it is WELCOME to the CLuB!

But Good for defending what's Yours!

And 4 kicking her out, she deserves it 4 raising a Macho Man! why didn't he just changed the kid's diper and stay quiet, isn't he the dad too, isn't the kid his too, OMG! Men sometimes I think that's why women turn lesbians, we understand each other better, I AM Straight but Men make me think about it!!!

Wow I am still imagining U kicking ur MIL out hahaha!!!

That's what she gets 4 even intending to sue you!

If u don't get help from ur hubby on taking care of u guys's kid make him hire a house keaper then u have lots of time to take excellent care of ur child!!

Answer 3

You are in trouble  because you have a mamma's boy.You will always be in conflict with him and his mother until he tells her to take a hike.

Answer 4

Your husband should feel like a jerk.  Tell him that his mother is right about the children being afraid.  Tell him that he needs to learn to deal with his anger like an adult instead of throwing fits like a child.  tell him that if he wants anything resolved with his mother, he better tell her that she needs to keep her opinions to herself.

Answer 5

I am SURE that must have felt pretty good! But, you are right, you were too rash, and you will be facing consequences for this for a long time. In all fairness, it wasn't her business, but as his mother, she probably felt it was her business to defend her son. That's how mothers are, I'm sure you know. So she stuck her nose in where it didn't belong, but she had good intentions (for her son, definitely not for you, though!). I've got a temper sometimes, and I might have done the same thing as you, but you will hear about this for a long time. From her and your husband. My head says that you should apologize and ask for forgiveness, but I doubt you are about to do that, especially when I think you are justified. If I were you, I would just ignore the entire situation, and I would just justify everything. If it comes up, just say that you drew the line at when she threatened to take away your child and you snapped, because that is a serious thing to say!

Answer 6

Welcome to the Club!!! just stay away from her dont even call her dont talk 2 her ur husband is a jerk for starting the whole things he knows how is mother is she seems like a drama queen just stay ur distance  

Answer 7

Firstly if you were busy cooking everyone dinner, why shouldn't he change the child's nappy? After all, its his child too, and you were busy. He had no right to make such a big noise about doing it.

But your reaction was childish, and merely designed to add fuel to the fire "dismissed him and his argument...kinda sneered and laughed.." very mature - not.

With his mother excusing his temper "I knew his temperament and not to argue with him..." may indicate that is how he grew up, with men (his dad) yelling to get their way. That would have been the way it was in his home. So its all he knows.

Then you and MIL get into it and you kick her out.

Guess what. You and Hubby need to get some real help if what you are doing isn't going to leave yet another generation with the same problems. Do it now.

Answer 8

I think you handled it quite well. She should not have even opened her mouth about anything. and saying she would sue you for custody..i would have sent her packing too!! good job dont let anyone talk to you like that. as for your husband he will either get over it ....or go live with mommy.

Answer 9

Oh wow! I think you did the right thing! Now had she NOT said that she would sue you for custody, then I would have said that you went too far. But for her to say she will take you child away from you, that's crazy! Your reaction was appropriate for her ridiculous comment! If you would have ran to your room crying, then she would keep doing it for the rest of your life bcuz she would think you were weak. Glad you stood up for yourself! Now had she apologized, then you should have let her come back. Also, if you were at her house and said something crazy like that, I'm sure you would have been out too!!

Answer 10

Yes, a mountain was made from a mole hill.  I think your husband was just peeved that he had to change the baby. I mean, after all, you were busy cooking dinner.  (please realize that you were not the only capable adult in the room to change the baby.  If your MIL really wanted custody, she would of gotten up and changed the baby herself).  When MIL put her 2 cents in, it should have been let go at that point.  Once your husband calmed down, he may have realized you were feeling attacked in your own home.  I think he owes you an apology.  After all, this is his child too that his mother mentioned obtaining custody of.  Unless he has a future plan, but I doubt it.  

Answer 11

Welcome to a very large club! Just keep in mind: You can't kill her but you sure can fantasize about it!

Answer 12

Mmh for real ur too hash en you should know one thing,your In-law will never ever love you or like you in anyway ,they will always see you bad en ii know she was not staying for long with you u can just pretend en be nice then she will go ,just be nice to everyone no matter what they say en remember she is way like your mother so respect here en stop  urgueing with her..

U did wrong to chase her out en i know it s pains her,where was ur husband when u did that ,he should have been there to tell u to stop en its wrong en as a mum u could have changed the baby not ur husband esspecially when their mothers are at home just to avoid noise.

Anyway its your house but its better peace tahn feeling guit aftare what u do,mmh whay dont u try to apologise.En say u were wrong.

All the best.  

Answer 13

I think you had every right to do what you did. She has no right to tell you what to do when she is a guest in your house. I'm shocked that she even had the audacity to say she'll sue for custody!! I don't blame you for worrying about long term consequences, not necessarily with her, but your husband, because you have to live together and he sounds like the type that will hold this against you for some time. It's easy to see though, just exactly how he grew up to be the way he is, look at his mother! I'll bet she took care of everything for him when he was at home. Anyhow, I wish you luck and again assure you, you did the right thing, don't let anyone tell you differently.

Answer 14

"He was in the living room with her at the time, so I told him "it was just a p**p, not a big deal".

It isn't a big deal, and you're cooking dinner, you could get salmonella on the kid, p**p in the food, food could burn.

"So this little spat turned into him yelling at me for not paying attention that she had a p**p ten minutes ago."

He didn't notice either, plus you're cooking dinner <--- busy

"So she tells me that I should love him for who he is and I knew his tempermant and not to argue with him. I got so mad that she said that, I told her to mind her own business and to stop telling me how to do things in my own home. "

It's good to draw a line in the sand.

"She said that my lil one gets scared when Jason yells because I told her to be scared."

1) Prove it 2) what if you're wrong 3) anger like that unacceptable

"So she says, if that's how it is I'll sue you for custody."

She's going to start collecting evidence against you to use in court, if that ever happens. Mind yourself around her, and ensure she has no ammo. Also, I suggest you start collecting info as well. She sounds like she makes a lot of horrible mistakes.

You do sound impulsive but you have your head on straight. You get the message out so well, although the delivery can be a whopper. Good stuff.

From now on, whenever you have to cook dinner, tell him "i'm punching out to make dinner - your turn" and that's his turn to watch the kid. My wife and I do that and it works perfectly.

Answer 15

Oh ive been there. I would have done the same thing. You should stand up for yourself. That little fight was between you and your husband none of her business.And she def. had no right to say she would sue you.