Severe body issues in a former anorexice raising daughters....?

Question

As a former anorexic raising daughters I know that it is imperative that they are raised as best as possible without MY issues coming into play. I am finding that hard. Not in the way I view my girls, but in the way I view myself. I have never had a bad view of women that are overweight, but have ALWAYS had a negative view of myself overweight or not. It is directly related to what I eat, and how much if anything I eat. I am on a med that makes my appetite disappear, and when I do force myself to eat something it throws my whole day off because I feel like a failure...old anorexic behaviors resurfacing. I also hold to societies norms in the way of beauty (only in regard to myself and never other people), my husband took a picture of me yesterday and looking at ruined my whole night.

I realize that this is NOT healthy and it NEEDS to change, but I don't know where to even start, this has been my viewpoint about myself for so long that it is like an old comfortable skin that fits

Answer 1

you have to continue with whatever talking therapy you may have been doing previously or start some now. Kids are like little mirrors and esp girls if they see you acting a certain way towards food or your self image they pick up on that. Just the other day I heard my 3 year old playing in her room and she said "I hate my butt" just playing. I don't even know if she knows what that means. But she heard me say it often enough that obviously I need to watch what I say and do more carefully.  I know my 3yr old doesn't hate her butt. But she might someday!  And if she does not only do I need to reassure her that nothing's wrong with it, but I need to make sure that it's not because she endured a childhood always listening to me complain about my own  body.  More than anything I want my girls to grow up without the low self esteem that I battled and still do. It's very much in my hands and I have to be conscious of what I say and do every day.

Answer 2

I would suggest starting with some counseling and eating therapy. Thats how I started. I havent hid my problem from my kids. They are very aware of my issues and i think it gives them a more real sense of how dangerous this is. I have struggled with Anorexia most of my life. It takes a lot of work and willingness to change but you can do it. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I agree with pp's. Firstly, you need support to help you through this from a neutral person with knowledge about your illness. Find a psychologist to talk with regularly.

Also, yes you need to be very aware of the comments you make about your body, even when your kids aren't around. I know this from my profession, but also my personal experience. My mother always made negative comments about her thighs. "If only I didn't have this part here..., etc." And, wouldn't you know it as I started developing and saw my body starting to look like hers, I hated my thighs too, and still have issues with them at 32. If you can't bring yourself to make positive comments about your body, simply don't allow yourself to comment at all.

It is VERY difficult, but as long as you are aware of it, you will be able to begin to control it. The therapy will help you to become more self-accepting and will give you skills to confront those unhealthy thoughts.

Answer 4

Why are you on a med that makes your appetite disappear?

Isn't being a mom a good enough reason to get healthy?  I know it sounds harsh, but I can't stand anorexics and former anorexics who complain about "behaviors resurfacing".  I had issues a long time ago, but when I became pregnant with my first, it stopped and I never looked back.  It's not that hard, you have children to raise!

Answer 5

I'm a former bullimic, and I have a hard time especially as I'm ageing and things sag naturally despite what hard work I put into my body!

I have a beautiful 6 yr old, she's skinny, takes after her dad--I was chubby as a kid and teen and early 20's. When I was growing up, I'd hear my mom complain about how fat she was. One thing my daughter will never hear out of my mouth is "'my @ss is huge''--even if I feel it I never voice it in my kids presence.

I show them a healthy lifestyle, however hard it is (at times I think of what a porker I am for eating a cookie), but I show them by eating healthy and when I do eat something of ''fat'' nature it's in moderation--it's the concept that if you eat healthy, you're allowed a certain amount of fat. I also am very active. They rarely see me sit, I get out and run and I do walks--that's not a bad thing to show your kids..it's when it becomes obessive is the problem and that is one thing I try to keep in check daily.