s*x after Pregnancy.......What's wrong with me?

Question

I gave birth to a beautiful 8 lb 5 oz baby girl 3 months ago. My delivery went extremely well. I did have a 2nd degree tear and an epis. I waited 6 weeks to have s*x. It hurt like crazy. 3 months later, it doesn't hurt as bad, but is incredibly uncomfortable. It's feels as if there is no cushion around my vaginal walls. Is this normal? I miss being affectionate with my husband and feel extremely bad for him. (I'm taking a 6 month maternity leave. My insurance company will not cover me for the last 3 months meaning I'm unable to see my OB.) Anybody going thru the same situation?

Answer 1

What is wrong with you?  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and your experience mirrors that of many many other women.  The difference being most women just sufferr in silence.  Less than 20% of women who suffer from sexual problems post birth actually discuss it with their primary health care provider (who are usually ill at ease with discussing sexual problems)

I too had tearing through my perineum which was still in the process of healing at six weeks.  There was NO WAY I was letting my partner go anywhere near me at six weeks even if it was the magic date for recommencing sexual relationships (the six week marker comes from the time it takes for the uterus to return to normal six and perineumtake into account any of the adjustments that a women is struggling with as a new Mum, or the real changes that are still occuring in her body.)Lots of women experience pain because they attempt s*x BEFORE they are physically and emotionally ready.  The six week mark is not a one size fits all point to recommence sexual relations and it is wrong for the medical profession to continue to perpetuate this myth.

It wasn't until four months that my partner and I had s*x for the first time - which was when I felt comfortable enough (though still very scared) with the healing of my perineum and labia (which had a second degree tear through it)  The s*x wasn't great - but thankfully it wasn't painful because we had left enough time for all the perineal and labia tissues to heal properly.  

I remember finding that like you, lots of the cushioning in the v****a was gone - it was almost skeletal and wondered how either of us could enjoy s*x. It was like someone had stripped back a beautiful comfy velvet sofa to the hard wooden structure.

Is it normal for the tissues to feel like this? Yes - but no one tells us that! The tissues of the v****a are affected after birth.  A drop in esostrogen combined with prolactin (if you are breastfeeding) cause the tissues to thin out and decrease the amount of lubrication available.  There is also a change in the blood supply (we amp up the volume of blood during pregnancy to almost double what we normally carry) so there is less blood travelling to that area.  Just imagine a guy trying to get an erection if the blood wasn't travelling to that area like it should.

A British study found that:

*  39% of women three months after birth experienced vaginal dryness, which persisted with 22% of the women into nine months after the birth of their baby.

* 58% of the women in their study were still experiencing painful s*x three months after birth and which persisted for 26% of the women at nine months.

Another Brisith study found that 83% of women experience some type of sexual problem three months after birth, 64% at six months after birth (which was twice the rate of sexual dysfunction prior to birthing) so you are actually in the majority of women.

You say that you want to be affectionate with your husband.  There are many ways of showing your affection, maintaining the connection with your partner and having sexual contact with your partner, without having penetrative vaginal s*x. Physical affection includes hugging and cuddling, holding hands, kissing - and ensuring that we tell our partners that we love them.  Communicating your needs and encouraging your partner to communicate his are also important.  Perhaps you can explore alternatives to vaginal s*x while you allow your body to rest, heal and recover from birth (it takes up to and sometimes longer than 12 months for the a woman's body to fully recover from birth).