s*x deal breaker or not?

Question

I have been married for 5yrs during that time my husband has failed miserably in our s*x life. It was not untill I was in personal tharepy that I realised how much his lack of skill and caring has hurt me. He and I agree that he has been statisfied 100% of the time in bed and he knows that I have been about 1% of the time. He tells me he feels bad and that he is "trying" I am so sick of hearing "but honey I tried"

Even though we communicate and we have read books on the subject he is so clumsy, and hurts me (by clumsy I mean he will accidently knee me, poke me scratch me step on me elbow me... the list goes on and on). He doesn't hurt me intentionally, at least I don't think he does.

After a lot of counseling now however I am ready to call it quits. I feel like a used toy. I shouldn't have to put up with this.

Am I being selfish? He and I have two little girls.

Answer 1

I think you need to communicate with him much better and tell him what you want and need. If he loves you, he will listen and try. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Self perception must be fulfilling.  Everyone should have the opportunity to feel whole.  When the person in the mirror is content with the circumstances of her life, the correct decisions have been made.

Make a written list of goals for contentment and happiness.  Examine and explore learning to become whole.  Impress yourself with self.  It is ultimately your life and up to you.

Everyone will be happy when you are happy with self.

Answer 3

Very interesting question. There is definitely more to this situation than can be answered here. But, I went through the same thing after being married 16 years. I went to counseling, same as you. Tried to get it to work, same as you. But, my wife just didn't get into s*x or care about it at all, and especially not as much as I did. She tried to tell me I made s*x into too big of a thing. I explained it to her like this. s*x is not the ONLY thing for a marriage, like air isn't the only thing you need to live. BUT if you have no air to breathe (or no good s*x), it's all that matters and all you think of. You have to decide what to do. E-mail me if you want because like I said there is surely more to your story than you can fit here! I did get divorced a year ago, it was harder than I thought to do it in a lot of ways. I'd try a trial separation for sure if you do go that route. Either way, GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

u be'll pretty selfish to leave ur husband because of s*x u need to go to a s*x class if there's one, buy magazines get a vibrator and let him use it on u. if all fails he's just clusmydeal with it  

Answer 5

How do you know that the problem isnt you?  It just seems odd that you cant be pleased.  Perhaps it is more emotional that physical - you dont connect with him emotionally - and cant relax and enjoy the physical connection.  Or perhaps its a physical issue and your body is lacking some part.  I dont know - try some s*x toys . . .

Answer 6

I think it is being selfish. Think of your daughters. Is that what you want to tell them when they ask why you left their dad, because he wasn't good enough in bed? Really, I think you can resolve this problem by seeing a s*x therapist. Honey, marriage and love is about far more than s*x! I'm not saying you don't have a reason to be upset about it, but there is definitely more you can do about this before heading to the courthouse.

Answer 7

Pretty d**n selfish that you would leave your husband because the lack of good s*x.Buy a d**n vibrator and stick with it.

Answer 8

Most of the other responses to your questions are selfish.

  If you are not happy the relationship suffers. The reason you are unhappy is because of the relationship. Do the children play into this, yes of course but if the children grow up in a thankless and loveless home what actually happens to the children and what do they learn.

  He can not make you happy only you can. If you can not see a light at the end of the tunnel then why drive down it. It has been 5 years! Did you try?

s*x is one of the top 3. Those that say you are being selfish must not know love and the roll of good s*x in a relationship. This leads me to believe they are like your husband.

Hmm lets just turn a blind eye to her needs she is just here to bear the children.

Clearly if they are reading books and have used toys the time is being spent on the relationship and trying to better it.

Where do you see yourself in 5 more years?

Happy I hope.

Life is too short.

  

Answer 9

Your husband obviously knows that you're s*x life isn't up to scratch. But does he know how much it is really playing on your mind? I think you need to have a proper sit down conversation and talk about getting help, possibly a s*x counselor. Perhaps your husband feels like he's under pressure to do it right and then gets clumsy and ends up hurting you by mistake. s*x isn't everything in the relationship. I think you should consider joint counseling before calling an end to your marriage