Sexless after dating for 2 years?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2.5 years and love each other very much. We've been living together now for a couple months. We moved to a new city and he took a new job that he is often stressed over. Our s*x life seems like it is almost non-existant now. I have tried to talked to him about it, but he doesn't like to talk about it. He says he is just really tired and just doesn't have any energy after returning from work. We are still affectionate with each other, hold hands, cuddle he calls me sweetie and tells me he loves me everyday, so that aspect of our relationship is still very much alive. He swears that nothing else is going on (ex.cheating) I trust that he is telling the truth, but every time I try, i pretty much always get rejected. It's like he only wants to have it on the weekends!! I don't know if your age has something to do with it, I am 23 and he is 29.

This is my first relationship where I have actually lived with someone, and am just wondering if this is the norm with relationships after dating for extended period of time. Like i said we love each other very much, but I am a little unsure of what to think about all of this... I am trying to be understanding but the tension is beginning to build between the two of us because no matter how much I bring it up, he gets more & more upset and it feels like he just doesn't care about what I have to say. Because HE is tired and HE doesn't feel like it, he is forgetting that he is not the only one in this relationship!

Some serious & realistic advice would really help : )

Answer 1

I think this is pretty normal. The key here is that he started a new job and is stressed about it. Stress plays a huge part in s*x drive. After he comes home from a long day of work, he may be too tired to think about doing anything more physical. He may just want to watch TV, relax with you, and have a good meal. My boyfriend works late and he's exhausted when he comes home. He just wants to have something to eat, relax a bit, and go to bed. And you say that you're still having s*x on the weekends, so hopefully you're still having s*x once or twice a week.

I know you feel that he's ignoring your needs, and you should talk to him about that. But may I ask, how much are you working? If you work as many hours as he does, OK. If not, you are failing to realize what he's going through. He's going to be tired when he comes home. He is making a huge adjustment by starting a new job, and that may be the thing he is most concerned with right now. Try to be undestanding of that.

My advice: Try having s*x in the morning, before he goes to work. That way, you both start the day off well, and you get a chance to have s*x before his energy is all gone. And make the most of the weekends. You can also try to make the environment at home as relaxing as possible for when he comes home, and if you really want to have s*x after work, do the preparation. Light the candles, offer him a glass of wine, and do the seducing.  

Answer 2

Good thing you decided to live together first -- moving out is SO much easier than divorcing.  

Look, the honest truth is, this is the best your relationship (and s*x life) is ever going to be with this man.  That's the brutal truth.  

I suggest you start pulling away and find your exit sooner rather than later.  

Don't worry about hurting his feelings.  If you do, your feelings will be hurt for a long, long time in a marriage that will seem more like a prison sentence than a relationship.

You have a real chance to get out, don't pass it up.  You'll regret it later on.  

Good luck!  

Answer 3

I'm 48, work over 100 hours a week and get more butts than an ash tray. Something is terribly wrong with a young man that doesn't want to have s*x with such a young woman! That is NOT normal to live with each other and not get off for 2 years.

Answer 4

i know that even though my gf and I haven't lived together we still have tried to keep things interesting. we have brought in toys and games and different ideas like that. However, I think your problem is that he may be drained from the boring life he leads. Talk to him about it and if this is the case encourage him to move on and find something that makes him happy.

Also, try in the morning. wake him up by doing something sexual to him. Or try to do something in the morning when he is fresh. Communication is usually the key even though I know not everyone is confortable talking about it

Answer 5

Dont be such a selfish horndog. Some men are great lovers but also ******* while some other men have wonderful personality but arent good lovers. Most often you cant have everything in life.

Anyway, for me clean, neat and beautiful looking partner, home, and bedroom are keys to sexual mood.  

Answer 6

When my bf and I moved in together we would meet for lunch just to bang it out.

29 is YOUNG.

Sounds like erectile dysfunction.  OR he IS cheating.  

Red flags are waiving honey....please look at them.

Answer 7

If you are having s*x on the weekends, I don't see a problem at the moment.  He is stressed from his new job, and you nagging at him all the time doesn't help the situation one bit.  As long as he is romantic to you during the week, be satisfied with the s*x on the weekends for now.  I said, for now.  Let him get more settled in his job, and see what happens then.  And please quit nagging him about it!  

After some time, if the situation doesn't improve, it will be time enough to decide what to do.   If he was ignoring you and never wanting s*x, then you would have a serious problem.  But you haven't lived together very long, and that in itself is a big adjustment for some people.  

Be patient with him and loving and just wait to see what happens.  You will not die if you have s*x only on the weekends.   I think YOU are forgetting that YOU aren't the only one in this relationship!   If you really love him, quit bringing it up, or you could lose him.  

Answer 8

OOPS! Sounds like someone went and got fat.

Don't take things for granted, be hot, be glamorous.  

Answer 9

No, this is not the norm and especially at such a young age.  I understand he is stressed about work but unless he is working 80 plus hours a week is shouldn't reduce him to the point of just having s*x on the weekends.  I would think he should easily be interested 2 or 3 times a week at the least.  I think he needs to think about how to better deal with the stress.  After all s*x is a great reliever of stress.  He also needs to understand that when your talking to him about this it isn't about his inability to have s*x, it is about your relationship and figuring out what is going on to keep things functioning properly.  There is no reason for him to be defensive.

Answer 10

The thing is there's a six year gap between you two. I know some people say that age ain't nuthin but a number, however, at your age you want s*x practically every night or at least 85% of the time. it's good you two are still affectionate because if you weren't that would be an even bigger sign something is wrong. I don't care what you have to do, if you know you want it more than him I suggest taking it from him.

Rape him (LOL!) When you come on that strong a man can't possibly turn it down ya dig?!

Answer 11

I am 23 and my boyfriend is 28.  We have been together for 2 1/2 years and have been living together for 2 years.  We have s*x probably once every 2 to 3 weeks.  So I know how you feel.  s*x during the week pretty much never happens, and even s*x on the weekends is scarce.  But everything else in our relationship is great.  I just feel like I don't turn him on or that he doesn't find me s**y or something.  And it makes me feel bad about myself.  But my boyfriend doesn't mind talking about it, although he ends up getting frustrated.

Maybe your bf has a problem he is embarassed about.  Try drinking, that usually makes a guy want to have s*x.  Or be in bed naked when he comes home, he'll hopefully feel really guilty saying no to you then.

Just wanted to let you know you are not the only one and I totally know how you feel!  Good luck.