Sexual Abuse........And confronting your loved ones

Question

Now this may sound silly to you because the of the age thing but its so hard to explain unless you have been through it! When i was a younger around the ages 5-10 i used to live with my dad, his wife, my brother who is now 18, my nan, my nans husband, my auntie who is also now 18 and my uncle who is now 17. I am now 15 by the way! any way we all used to live in one house! When i was 8 my uncle who was only 10 at the time started 'touching' me in uncomfortable ways this went on until i was about 12 and he was 14 when i decided that i couldn't take it any more and didn't have to. But the thing is its left me emotional scarred and not able to let any one close. I have 4 younger sisters who i hate my uncle being around! i feel it my responsibility to protect them from him, not let him get to them in the way he did to me. I also need to be able to talk to my brother about it as i know he knew it was going on yet did nothing about it, it angers me as me and brother are so close now but i just dont get why he didnt protect me from my uncle! I have a new boyfriend but i find it hard to let him close, i want there to be no secrets between us but feel i can not tell him about my childhood before i confront my brother about it, yet i can't confront my brother because i dont want it to distroy my family which i know it will if i bring it up! As my brother will tell my dad! But the longer i leave it with my brother the more i seem to be pushin my boyfriend away! This may sound so stupid because my uncle is only 2 years older then me and only 10 at the time this started but he had and still has so much power over me! Please any advice on this would be so grateful!

Answer 1

a. your uncle may have done this because he was experimenting, lots of children do this because they are confused about their feelings and sexuality -this does not make it right however.

b.You need to tell someone in order for you to move on, isnt there an adult female in the family who you could confide in? once u talk about it, it will feel as tho a weight lifted from your shoulders

c.your obviously distured by your experiences and you need some counciling -see your G P

d. You need to find a way of forgiving your uncle and try to gain an understanding as to why he did it - this will bring you peace and release your anxitity and bitterness

f. If you have any reasons to belive that your uncle still does this to minors then you MUST report it to the police or family member.

Good luck x

Answer 2

If you are now 15 and your brother is 18 I am wondering why you expected your brother to protect you from an uncle now 17. Your brother would probably not suspect a problem unless you made it explicit.

I wonder if you are trying to put 'grown up' logic onto things that happened to children and expecting 'grown up' reactions and decisions from people who were themselves children at the time.

Answer 3

WOW! tough one, but i would definitely want to protect my younger sisters from that happening to them. I think i would try to catch him doing something to one of them and them let all explode! but i definitely don't think u should keep this to yourself!!! good luck

Answer 4

I've been through this too. I'd like to tell you that you'll be over it when you get older, but it hasn't happened for me yet. I was 14 and my uncle was in his 50's. I'm 18 now though. I was afraid my uncle would do something to me if I told someone about it. But I was going through a lot of other things at that age too. I recently had to deal with the death of two friends, and I was going through a cutting phase. One night my mom was screaming at me for something, and I just broke down, and ended up telling her everything. She called my aunt and she came over and we all talked about it. Now. The situation at my house is. It needs a lot of work. And by a lot I mean A LOT. My uncle would always help out around the house and do things we couldn't. Which is another reason I didn't want to say anything. But we ended up all talking about it. Now that I'm older, my uncle knows what he did was wrong, and he's appologized so many times for it. I haven't forgiven him, and I don't even like being around him anymore. My mom doesn't give me a hard time because she understands it. But he's still around to help out around the house. So, it kind of worked out. But what he did, I'll never forget. I have major trust issues with people now, but it's something we can work on. It really isn't an easy thing to go through. And you'll probably need some counselling. But you really should talk to your family about it. My uncle was an adult, he knew what he was doing was wrong. Your uncle was 10. Boys are very curious at that age. I'm not saying what he did was okay, because it definately wasn't. But you're family will recognize that, and know that it has messed you up. You should really really talk to your brother about it. I don't know what to tell you on how to start the conversation. Because I was pissed off when I just blurted it out. Pull him to the side one day and just tell him you need to talk to him about something important, and that you don't know what to do about it.

Meh, I hope everything works out for you. As for your boyfriend, if he loves you, he will understand and help you through it.

Answer 5

This is a tough one to answer. you can not deal with this by yourself. You must get some help, if you want to move on. Please try an dprotect your sisters. How you can do that I dont know. Perhaps contact childline, they know how to deal with these situations and can tell you about your options. Best wishes to you.

Answer 6

Hi hun, I'm sorry for what you've been through and how it has affected you. To stay strong you just have to shun that memory out of your head and think of the future,don'tt let him overrule your life! remember there are loads of people out there who have been affected like this, but they don't come forward because its embarrassingg etc... dont let these ppl overcome ur life.. face ur fears babe and forget it!

Answer 7

Speak to a counsellor, they have the skills to deal with such sensitive issues.  You can phone childline in the UK I think.  God bless you.