Sexual and erotic poem. What do you think?How does it make you feel? Sexual? Comment + Interpret?

Question

- High -

I can breathe.

I can move.

I can vibrate.

I can agitate.

Never mind greed.

It's my only sin.

Can you feel a quiver?

How well can you swim?

I've locked the door.

But I'll take you in.

The pen always works fine.

Don't forget the fingertips.

Something old, something new.

Whispering and some screams.

Remember the anger within?

Act it out, go ahead, act it out.

If you like me happy,

strike a chord.

Listening,

weakening,

paddling,

pressuring,

seeing,

into me.

You will touch,

a rough edge,

And wonder why,

I will cry.

I'll explain later,

if you would just.. go on.

Please.

I'm so high.

Sarah J

Answer 1

It might have been many things... but it was not erotic.

My breath proceeding me everywhere I go,

As my words penetrate you mind, body, and soul.

Your flesh wrapped all over me warm and wet.

Heat driven passion covering us in slippery sweat.

Over you, inside you, my fingers wander and play,

As my mouth speaks the words that instantly convey,

A consuming desire powered by our sexual foreplay,

For my heart pounding rhythm to enter you where you lay.

...now that's erotic.

I hope you get IT!

Answer 2

This poem feels like yo're trying so hard. It reminds me of an Arthur Nersesian novel...think Chinese Takeout. It feels very methodical and forced. It doesn't feel like you've lived this, just guessed at it.

Dig deep for inspiration.

Answer 3

It makes me feel wondering cause i am wondering what is going to happen.

Answer 4

You're going to have to explain the rough edge; I'm pretty freaked out at the moment.

Answer 5

wow

i know exactly your frame of mind...

excellent job

Answer 6

Sarah,

What I liked about it is it wasn't predictable. It also had a good rhythm.

Answer 7

I guessed from the "rough edge" part that you were talking about the G-spot.  Although that is very silly to me, I liked this for some reason.  I don't think you tried too hard.  It's just right.

Answer 8

I honestly had to read it twice. The first time I had no idea what you were saying. After reading everything I went back and could see what you were saying. If this was an experience put into poetry you did pretty good!