Shall I have my first child at 19? too young?

Question

So at the moment I am 17... well 18 in a few days and I have been with my partner about 7 months.

Since I was about 13 I have wanted a baby so bad, it is like my motivation for everything.

But since I met my boyfriend I have told him about my desire and he admitted he felt the same way. Since then we have spoken about ways we could work around fitting a baby into our lives... or rather fitting our lives around a baby.

Anyways I have been working so hard for this dream of mine and it seems silly to stop all my hard work now. I passed all of my GCSE's and got into college and I passed my first year and was well on my way to going to university to study fashion journalism which I would have been starting in 2010.

BUT now my boyfriend wants me to have a baby when I finish college, he says he will take a gap year before university to work for our baby and we have a house to stay in for free we just need to pay for the bills(as his parents are travelling for a year).

Isn't this too young to have a child, I mean I will only be 18 when I get pregnant and 19 when he/she is born and I really wanted his parents or at least mum around when I had the baby because I dont have a mum myself(she died when i was 8 years old) and I reeeaallyy need help... I'm so scared I will do something wrong on my own.

This is kind of scary to me and I am even considering dumping my boyfriend who I love because I am so scared of this giant rush... I mean we aren't even married... we haven't even been together a year yet!

my plan before this was to finish my postgraduate degree in 2015 and work for a year in the journalism feild and then have a baby(as i will be able to take time off for maternity leave AND i can save money for the baby) that will make me 26 and totally ready to start a family. My boyfriend should also have a degree in law by then and we will be earning so much more than we can now.

Doesn't this sound so much better than my boyfriends idea?

the only problem with having my first child at 26 is that I want LOTS of children and I will have to have them all really close together... and I always wanted time to enjoy each child as they developed. Life is so complicateddd

Answer 1

My mother was 26 when she had my oldest sister and she went on to have twins 3 years later and one after that 3 years later. If she can start at 26 and have those gaps, then having yours one right after another shouldn't be a problem, unless being financially prepared and being looked at by society as an "old" mom because you weren't a teen is a problem to you.

Answer 2

It's only as complicated as you make it hun.  Stay in school, you guys haven't even been together for 5 years, you need to make sure your relationship is stable enough to bring a child into it. A baby is a big deal, it's not like a pet.  The idea might sound good, but put it to the test and you'll be wishing you waited.

A good way to find out what it's like is for you and your boyfriend to babysit for a few days, a newborn / infant.  3am feedings, diaper changings, screaming, headaches, throwing up on you.  

At 19, you're still a teenager and way too young.  Live your life, most importantly, pursue your dreams in your career first.  Make sure you're finanically stable and more importantly, emotionally.  You'll always get so many chances to have a baby, but you only get one chance to be 19, 20, 21, etc.

The fact that you're worrying or have to question us about it means you're not ready.

Answer 3

i think you should definitely wait!  if you have doubts then it is a definite no!

there is no point in having one young and giving up your dreams, when you could wait just a few years, get a good job, have lived your life a little and will be able to give your baby a great life! do you want to regret having your baby at all? i know i wouldnt! im 20 and at uni. i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and i am not gonna have kids untill i leave uni, have a good job and a nice place to bring up a child...... i want to give my child the best life and if i had one now it would be that...... i think the same applies to you....

and 7 months isn't long in relationship terms. if you were to commit to having a baby, thats the rest of your life..... your life stops being your own.....

they are wonderful, but alot of hard work, my sister had a baby boy at 23 and it takes up her whole day everyday and he is now 1.  she wasnt going to college or had any plans so she doesnt regret it..... but my mum had us young and sort of regrets not living her life first..... which makes her feel guilty..... so don't do it to yourself.....make sure you are ready to give your life to this child! only then is it right to have one!!!!  

Answer 4

i think its to young but if you can handle it then go for it. x

Answer 5

Your age isn't really the issue, it's simply that you are not ready to bring a child into your life. It doesn't sound like your relationship is stable enough, or even your circumstances. A free house for a year is great - but what if it takes you a year to get pregnant? And what will you do when the year is up?

You have to talk to him and explain that while a child is most definitely in your future plans, you don't think it'd be fair on either of you, or on the child, to do it now.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I have to dissagree.. i had my first child at 19.. never looked back, if your ready at your time of life and your in a loving relationship.. you have to be sensible, and be stable.. then go for it. I would never say anyone was 'to young' i think 18 is fine too.. I so understand where your coming from.. im nearly 22 now and am thinking about having another child. Trust me i wouldnt be thinking about it if i couldnt handle my little girl. Children are so precious, if your ready.. go for it and enjoy.. good luck!!

Answer 7

Hey I think youd both should sort good careers out first and if your both ready and both want this then yeah go for it! You don't want this yet so don't do it your boyfriend has got to realise your the person that has got to go through not just the pregnancy but everything. If things dont work you can't send the baby back. Its very hard work but good luck x

Answer 8

i think 19 is a responsible age so yes!

hope this helps good luck!

Answer 9

19 is too young to have a child. Wait until you finish school. You can still have a lot of children if you're 26.

Answer 10

No hurry for your age. When you get married and start with the s*x, it might come sooner than planned. I don't know if even lawyers can afford too many children these days:-)  

Answer 11

Wait until you have accomplished your other dreams.  You have plenty of time to have a child.  It is too tough to try to raise a child at 19 years old.  

This guy has only been seeing you for 7 months and he is already planning to have a child with you?  Doesn't that sound a bit needy to you?  It certainly does to me.  He needs to have a good career and be financially stable enough to provide a good separate home of his OWN (not a temporary place at his parents house)  and have a future planned out before he takes on a child.  He does not even know you well enough to be thinking about you as a mother.  How about learning about you as a person first???  You would be making a grave mistake, that you will regret for the rest of your life, if you give up your personal goals.

Don't say that you would go back later, because it is very hard to raise a child and go to school, emotionally, mentally and financially.

I am much older than you, and I had my first child at 18.  My daughter and son are grown now, but I could still kick myself in the butt for making such a foolish mistake, even though I love my children dearly.  They even questioned me recently about why I gave up on my education and dreams to have a child.  My only answer was this, "I was young, foolish, and I thought I was in love."  True be known, I was just not thinking, just living for the day.  When the marriage broke up, I was saddled with children, and no career to support them.  My ex did his very best to contribute very little to the support.  I worked two and three jobs to make ends meet, and give them a decent life.  

I went back to school in my late forties, but it is hard to hire on with a company when you tell them you are already 40 and just earned your degree.  They figure you are too old, and have no experience.  Now, I work under people that could be my children.  I will never achieve what I wanted, all because I made one stupid mistake.  

My children have learned from my mistake, and I hope you will also.

Good Luck.  You can't get the years you waste back, and you are only young once!!!

Answer 12

Too young. =)

Answer 13

I think your idea is best, finish school for sure because when you have a child it is hard to do that, so stick with your plan and besides you can have plenty of kids when you start at 26 and have them like 2 years apart, it will be perfect! good luck with school and stick to your idea it works best for you!

Answer 14

im 32 weeks pregnant + 4days and im 17 people say im to young to be havin a baby but she wasnt planned it was a shock with being young iv fin college and passed my gcses and have got a job for after the baby is born these days ur to young or to old to have a baby theres never a right time thats what i feel anyway. gd luck with what eva u do x

Answer 15

Your original idea sounds MILES better than your boyfriends. Don't let his pressure you into something which you are not ready for now as you have not been together long and are indeed very young. Fulfil your ambitions and enjoy a bit of your life before you devote it to a baby. It sounds like you'll be a great mum when you do but I don't think it should be for a while yet.

Answer 16

nonononono don't do it

Answer 17

Ok I got pregnant when I was 17 and had my little girl 2 weeks before my 18th birthday and all I can say is it was really hard. I agree that your idea is better your both still young and should enjoy your young life believe me I would not change my daughter now are any of my kids but I sometimes wish I had waited til I had got  older and lived my life first and get a good job. So please think this through and talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling good luck.

Answer 18

dont listen to these close minded judgemental comments, if you can be a good parent it doesnt matter if your 19 or 59, your still going to be good at what you do, i had my child at 16 and we have always made do, she has always had the best of the best, sometimes ive had to make great sacrfices for this to happen but as a mother thats what you do, if you dont feel your ready for a baby yet, dont have one but if in your heart you do want one then go for it, it will work out, good luck

Answer 19

At the end of the day .. Its up to you, if you know you can cope with it for the next 18/20 years then go ahead. Im 17 and 18 weeks pregnant, I DONT regret getting pregnant at all, but i know that im missing out on so much and will be doing for a long time!!! It kinda upsets me. Live your life to the fullest then settle down & have kids.

Good luckkkkkk x

Answer 20

Its not a Q about being young.

It all comes down to if you can afford to have a child.

Save some money before setting down in life.

As it is things are expensive and in afew years time from now it will be even more expensive.

Answer 21

Stick to your plan.

You've only been with your partner for a short while and you'll have more security if you finish University first. If you're still with the same partner at that point then you'll know it's a more stable relationship, plus by that point you might have gotten married which would get rid of some of your fears and make it less likely that he'll run off if he decides he doesn't want a baby after all.

You can have children up to quite a high age, so waiting till your 26 doesn't stop you from having lots of children.

You shouldn't really be having a child at a point where you'll still want to go to university right after, classes and coursework take up a lot of time so someone else would have to look after the baby which means you lose out on time with it growing up, or miss out on going to Uni and getting a good job after.

Answer 22

Too young. Both my mom and sister had their first at 19. They were both too young, and both suffered the consequences.

Answer 23

It's not the age that matters.

But here are the factors to consider:

Are you financially stable enough to support a child or children?

Are you mature enough to raise a child as a well rounded human being?

Are you willing to accept that you will have no time for yourself when your child is born? At nineteen that is tough to cope with.

Answer 24

Yes u are too young, especially since there really is no stability in your lives or relationship (at 18, 7 months is not that long, trust me).

Tell him where u stand and STICK TO YOUR PLAN.  If he can't respect that, he's not worth being with anyway, and there are other men in this world, who are more than willing to wait until you are ready.

Plz, 26 is not too old to start especially when there are 40+ year old women having their 1st.  Would u want to wait until 25/26 when u can AFFORD children, or 19 when u can barely take care of yourself and not finished with your education?

Answer 25

U should go for it .Why not!

Answer 26

Dump him and do it the way you want. You seem pretty bright for a 17 year old, you have all the time in the world to start a family, get a career first, as it would be much harder if you have kids young.

Answer 27

DONT DO IT i promise you will regret bitterly has you will not have lived a life of your own dont do it , i am sure you will because your heart is set on it but you will regret it you need to sort out your syudys get a good job thaqt you love and then you can ything about doin it

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DO NOT GET MARRIED TILL YOU SORT THOSE THINGS OUT FIRST

Answer 28

Here's what you do before you make any decisions: work at a daycare. I'm serious!! I worked a daycare for 4 years and made the decision to be a stay at home mom, but by the time i left that place earlier this year I said "NO KIDS FOR 5 YEARS!!" Work at a daycare to get your baby fix for 8 hours a day, and then you can go home to do your thing, and have your own life on the weekends.

Benefits: you get paid for playing mommy, you get your kid fix, AND you're learning how to take care of and deal with pretty much every situation you will face in motherhood, but you don't have to spend every waking moment with them. As much as I wanted out by the time I left, I have never once regreted working there because for me it was like "Mommy bootcamp". I feel like I'm a lot more prepared for when the time comes.You really really really should try getting a job at a daycare before you make any final decisions. If nothing else, you'd basically be getting paid to learn how be a mom.

Answer 29

You should dump him, he is not considering you at all in this, you need to get your life in order jobs home etc before you have a child, you know it is too young really so you know what is best and that is not to have the baby, because money will be horribly tight, he wont be helping you, you will have no help from parents, its too much really, if you dont want to dump him then make your point about delaying it and stand your ground if he wont listen at all it is time to leave sorry.

Answer 30

I don't think you should have a baby just yet. Your relationship with your boyfriend can change at anytime and you need to make sure that your baby is brought up in a stable environment. You never know how it'll be once the baby's born and so I think you should wait a while or if you think your are 1000% sure that U'll stay together forever then you should get married. However this could be too soon. Finish with your education you'll be happy you did and be firm with your botfriend- imagine this: you get pregnant, he can't take the pressure , you break up and your a single mum with not enough qualifications. This may sound harsh but you have to think about it. Don't worry about lots of children there'll be enough time.lol.