Shall I wait: BF can't face career reality and put my life on hold....?

Question

BF wants to change career path but he's been looking around for three years and hasn't found the dream job. Tons of applications only 2 unsuccessful interviews in past 3 years. I know he needs to go back to school to get a master degree in his dream industry to give his job hunting a boost. but he always says he can't quit the current job because he needs the money. But he can't go to school while working full time, either. I told him if we get married, I can get a better paid job (because of immigration rules) and I will support him so he can go back to school. He says no. He says if he finds the dream job, or I can find a better paid job (hard for me to do without marrying him and becoming a permanent resident), we will move in together. Then if I can tolerate him, we can get married. I looked up many jobs that I have a good shot, but they require US citizen or permanent resident only. Looks like he won't find his dream job too soon. And I can't find a better paid job without marrying him. I feel like my life is on hold because of his unrealistic career change desire. Or he is just making excuses, or thinks that I am not making enough money and will not be able to make enough money even after marrying him, so he doesn't want to take the risk? We've been dating for 3 years and he is 30 and I am 29. Shall I wait?

PS: his annual income before tax is about 65K, and mine is 35K. How much financial stability do you need to get into a marriage?

Answer 1

To ensure maximum happiness: Never put your life on hold for a dude, always marry for love- not job security.

Answer 2

You don't need any financial stability to get into a marriage. You need mutual trust and willingness... above all.

Mainly it sounds like he needs to be asked if the idea of you supporting him (or contributing more to your shared household) threatens him. It sounds like you need to ask yourself if you would still want to marry him, if you knew that it would not have any effect on your own career to gain legal status by marrying him.

Why do you want to marry, and why does he (or, does he)? If committing is a priority - you each desire, above all this career stuff, to create a new household and live like family - then he will have to admit that your plan is very reasonable for both of you, and perhaps deal with his anxieties about being helped. If it's not, and you secretly wonder if you are clinging to the idea of marrying largely because it will allow you to get a better position, then you should look at other options. It may seem difficult that way, but it'd be worse to marry for the wrong reasons.

Marriage means you're a partnership and all your actions are calculated to benefit that partnership. Sometimes I think people are reluctant to begin to see themselves as part of a cooperative that way, both giving and taking from it. Be sure of what you want and don't want.

Answer 3

Do not put your life on hold for this time-waster.