She's WAY too young for a boyfriend, isn't she, or am I just too protective?

Question

I have a 13 year old daughter. Now, it's just me and her, as her mom left when she was little, so I've had to guide her through puberty. But I don't think I know how to handle this part!

My daughter has been on the phone a lot and giggling and wearing make up, so I asked her what's up. She said nothing.

But yesterday she brought home a boy. She said "Daddy, this is my boyfriend, Kyle." I shook his hand, but in my mind I'm thinking "What the heck! She's way too young for a boyfriend!". Later when he left, I told her she was too young and she said "Dad, don't be silly!"

I don't want to break them up, but I don't feel like she should be dating! She's only 13! She's still a little girl!

Is she too young or am I just too protective? HELP!

Answer 1

I'm 16 and its normal for girls around the age of 13 to have boyfriends but in my opinion I think it is way too young. As long as it's nothing too serious she will be okay. She's just young and curious that explain the makeup and everything because I went through that phase when I was 13-14 when she gets older it will stop. Good luck!

Answer 2

Umm..

I think you should watch her and see how she handles things!!! If all goes good and things dont get out of control you can let her if she gets to into it(you see her acting diffrently,her grades start going down,and she spends all day talking to him)then you can let her!!But if she gets like that i would talk to her and if talking dosnt work you can break them up and not let her have another boy friend till shes about 16 or 17!!

Answer 3

My daughter is 13 and at this age, it's very common for boys and girls to like each other and refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.  It's not really "dating"..it's normal interest.  I would be more concerned about make-up.  13 year olds don't need makeup.

Answer 4

i 27 a mother of 3 2 boys and a girl and i honestly dont know where to direct this cause at one point i say well there is no harm in but in another instint i think my hubby would kill if it was our daughter she is only 3 have a while to go but our son is 10 and he allready talks about girls i think if it is allowed should be supervised and watched carefully im a product od teenage pregnancy i had my son when i was 17 so means i got preggo at 16 iam a d**n good mom and me and my bf at the time been married 10 years but in life there has to be boudaries and i think this is one of them i think you can allow it but alot of supervision or dont allow it at all but then she can retaliate and go behind you back i did and look what happened i dont regret it cause i love my kids just wish i had a chance to grow up first best of luck

Answer 5

I think, as long as she isn't doing things she shouldn't be doing at that age, it's OK.  Just remind her of your rules and expectations!

I'm 14 and I've known friends that had boyfriends at 11.  Be glad that's not her.

Answer 6

Its up to you- you are her parent and you know if she is mature and sensible and ready, do what you think is best for her.

Answer 7

It depends on what you mean by boyfriend.  If you mean that they hang out at school and with other friends after school, I think that is okay.  If you mean that they go out on dates, just the two of them, then no, I don't think that is okay.

Answer 8

I'm a retired teacher of kids this age.  You can't fight it, but you can control it.  Is he her age?  Does she do well in school? Not that she can't be trusted, but since you are a single parent, be sure someone is there after school if you aren't.  I know how tough being a single parent can be, but I would encourage her to be involved with activites.  A lot of people pass this off as puppy love, but she's at that age where peer pressure and the desire to experiment are alive and well as is his testosterone. I wouldn't encourage it, but don't discourage it either.  Set your guidelines and stick with them.  Remember you are the parent.  If you ever feel uncomfortable about  any of it, don't feel you are being overprotective.  Is she an only child?  Be sure to spend time with her and keep discussions open about everything.  Spend time with him and keep in contact with his parents if you think things are getting too serious. If she wnats to go to his house, you have every right to call his parents to be sure they will be home.   You aren't going to stop her from growing up and liking boys.  What is her definition of dating?  I know kids used to say "going out" but going out where?  It usually meant walking to class together and sitting in the cafeteria together. Is there an aunt or other family member that could advise her on the makeup and clothes as well as talk to her about this "boyfriend" ? Oh yeah....keep lots of kleenex on hand for when they have their first fight!!  And some for you when she grows up and meets the right one!

Answer 9

at 13 she is way too young for a real boyfriend.why do you think so many young girls wind up pregnant!!!!no matter how smart or good or responsible she is, she is still a child.do not  put temptation out there that she is not ready for!!! she will probably be talking to this boy but she should never be alone with him.any outings should be with a group of friends and some parental chaperoning is a great idea.kids are just in a big a ss hurry to grow up and many as young as 9 or 10 are already having s*x!!! sick yes but also true.too many parents who are kids themselves and drunks and drug addicts,they don't have time or the desire to be a good parent.many think they can be their kids best friend!!! what a load of s hit!!! that is not what parents are here to do!!!  keep it real and continue being a good dad--- not her best friend.good luck!!!!

Answer 10

Good for you, yes she's too young to be dating but you aren't going to stop her from having guy friends. Just keep a close eye on her and talk to her, alot. Girls like to talk!!!

Answer 11

If you do not allow her to date, she will most likely sneak behind your back.  If she is mature,  and you have done a good job teaching her about sexuality, and responsibility you shouldn't have anything to fear. Trust her a bit, however I do not think you should give her free reign. Dates can include the boy comming over to your home to watch a movie in the living room. Perhaps no bedroom time with closed door, or some sort of ground rules. Group dates with other friends to the movies where a parent drops them off and picks them up, etc. I think you really ought to trust her, and if she proves to you she is mature, responsible allow her a little freedom or she may rebell and sneak behind your back and say shes going out with friends when she intends to go out with boys. (TONS of teens do this when they are not allowed to date I remember it well).

Answer 12

I am a 42 year old mother of 5 with experience in raising teens.  I have already gotten through 3, my 4th is 14 and she is NOT allowed to have a boyfriend, nor is she allowed to date.  Telling girls it is ok is not a good thing.  Instead of "Daddy", you will be "Grandpa".  She IS a little girl and I would only allow her with that boy in your living room when you are at home and can watch.  Otherwise, you will be on here like a lot of parents, or she will be asking if she is pregnant and/or how to get an abortion.

Answer 13

You're not over protective, you're just doing your job. Don't worry, she seems responsible. But you still have to keep an eye on her. She's not too young to have a boyfriend as long as she respects herself and doesn't do anything foolish. Talk to her about it sometimes but don't be too nosy or she won't tell you a thing.

Answer 14

Let me implore you not to fall into the trap the rest of our society -- getting hung up on words.  "Boyfriend" is just a word, and is completely meaningless.  It is the actions which result from the term that one needs to be mindfull of.  I had a girlfriend before I started kindergarten -- did we kiss, no, just held hands -- totally age appropraite.  If they simply use the term out of convenience to establish a special relationship more significant than that of their other friends, why lose sleep over it?  My church teaches that kids should be at least 16 before they begin dating, but again, "dating" is just a word (although much more specific than boyfriend).  However, if the "date" is supervised by a parent, who cares how old they are?  If you approach the idea with support, and simply focus on laying reasonable ground rules, you will be WAYYYY better off.  Since she is now a teen, you must tread lightly, and try your best to avoid rebellion.  By supporting her choice, and simply ensuring that she acts responsibly and appropriately, she will be much less apt to fight you and act in a rebellious (and likely damaging) manner.  Good luck!

Answer 15

SHE IS TOOOOO YOUNG. IF SHE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH THE BOYS MAKE SURE IT IS SUPERVISED. I WOULDN'T LER HER DATE HIM

Answer 16

No, I don't think that 13 is too young. Of course, I'm 15. I'm not allowed to date until I'm 16, and resent my parents because of it. Just be glad that she's letting you into her life and introducing you to him instead of keeping it a secret or something. And as much as she still is your little girl, she needs to grow up some time. Let go a little.

Answer 17

I think she will be fine. 13 isn't that young.... Kids at my middle school start dating when their 11.

Just have a talk with her and make sure she knows that she is not allowed to have s*x, and I would hold off kissing until she is 14 or 15 and in high school.

I personally think 17 is too old to start dating.. 14 or 15 is a good age. Let her be close friends with him, and save your breath when she says ' Kyle is my boyfriend. ' - As long as their not kissing or having s*x, their just close friends basically.

Tell her she can start have actual relasionships when she is in high school/14 or 15 years old.

Good luck:)

Answer 18

Well dont you remember  when you were younger at the age of 13 and had a girlfriend its the same with her as it is with most of the time these relationships dont last very long just keep an eye on them making sure they arent doing something they know they  shouldnt.She may kiss him a time or two but dont fret on its nothing major.She may even ask if she can go to his house and tell you that his parents will be there call the parents and talk to them and be sure that they will be there.Dont worry about she willget into more serious relationships as she gets older just like you did.So dont worry about your duaghter she is fine i hope i answered your question and gave you a little information too.

Answer 19

First off, I want to congradulate you on being such a great daddy!  Here is one thing that you should look at...atleast she knows that she can trust you enough to be open with you on matters such as this.  I had my 1st b/f at 13.  I am now married to and having our third baby with the guy that I have dated since I was 14 and lost my virginity to at 17  We have been married for 7 years.  So, just because she is dating doesnt mean that she will make poor decisions.  Trust her, but talk with her about the right decisions and how to make them.  Limit their time together and make sure that they keep the door open when alone, or whatever.  Otherwise, she is only going to go against you and do things behind your back.  Good luck

Answer 20

Yikes, I'm with you on this one and think she is too young to be dating. That said, I would allow her on group activities. It's tough because kids these days seem to want to grow up too fast. You're a great dad...keep up the good work!

Answer 21

I think that 13 isnt too young for a bf. Its just that they dont need to be going out on dates. Like the movies, the mall, and etc. Like just going over to each others house with supervisions is fine. Ik you want to be there for her but you have to let go one time or another.

Answer 22

At 13 its fine to get a boyfriend but just make sure that you meet the guy and that he doesn't mess around with her in ways he shouldn't.

13 is when she's turning into a teenage there will be tougher years ahead (I should know I'm 16)

It's totally normal. Just keep a close eye on her. Don't be overprotective because that's the best way to lead her into a rebellion phase.

Also, try to be her friend (don't be pushy!). Sometimes its hard when a kid can't talk to a parent about what's going on in their life and that's when you practically have 2 strangers living in the same.

Keep in mind that she's growing up! She can't be a little girl forever!

Answer 23

They can still be gf and bf and not date, I've seen 8 year old boys say they had a girlfriend and then sorta snort, maybe she made this decission for him I don't know.

I'd let her be at least till she asks to go out on a date.

Him coming over isn't to bad at least they are at your home where you know they are safe.

I say this becase you don't want a war with the daughter about it.

Answer 24

she is way too young to have a boyfriend and way too young to date.

Answer 25

No you're not over-protective, you're her dad. And yes, she is too young to be having a boy friend, especially one she's already bringing home to meet her dad!! That's kinda creepy. You need to put your foot down. So what if you break them up and make her mad and she hates you for a week or whatever? You may very well save her from becoming a mom at 13! I started dating at 15 and even then, it wasn't anything major. It was more like hanging out with guy friends than anything.

Be sure you have a good s*x talk with her about the risk of pregnancy and STD'S and maybe even pull up a site of different diseases and conditions that s*x could leave her with. Then again, at her age girls know EVERYTHING in their minds and these things could NEVER happen to them at all so this is a tough one.

Bottom line is that you are obviously uncomfortable with her dating, so make sure that you put your foot down on this one and let her know NO BOYFRIENDS until she's 16 or whatever age you feel is appropriate. She'll appreciate this  later in life.

I'm curious since I re-read your post. What is she wearing for make-up? Is it just some light lip gloss and mascara or is it way heavier than that? If it's heavy, throw her make up in the trash & let her know what is acceptable & that's ALL she can use. I do have a niece that wears a full face of make up at 13, and she's super responsible & get goods grades too. She spends time at the salon getting her hair colored and eye brows waxed already, which is insane to me! Plus, she acts like a total diva!

Answer 26

I think the boyfriend is ok.  13 is not really dating, doubt it would last longer than a few months. I would keep close supervision on them.  Invite him over to watch a movie and be in and out of the room.  Play cards, take them to the park for a picnic (staying with them)  Have some of her girlfriends over with him.  I don't like going to the mall not enough supervision, a movie is ok you can stay and sit in a different row

I wasn't allowed on the phone after 9pm, couldn't have the lights off while watching a movie, my parents always came crashing in offering snacks/drinks, couldn't use a blanket and had to keep both feet on the floor