She finally agreed to meet with us...it went well... a sign of things to come?

Question

SO, after 2 years of wanting my son's b-mom to see him, she finally agreed. He (and our daughter) got to meet his bio-bro & sis. they played together and got along well. His bio-mom's new b-friend seems nice and the whole meeting was comfortable.

Is this a good sign of things to come. If she agrees how often should we meet with them? I think about 2x a year and phone calls however often they call eachother (when he's old enough to use a phone). Enough for him to never wonder who she is.

what do you think?

Answer 1

FANTASTIC!

Off to a good start.  You might ask his mom what she thinks would be a reasonable schedule.  

I set a quarterly schedule with my son's mom when we were feeling out our relationship, with weekly phone calls or e-mails.  Even when he was a tiny baby, we'd put the phone to his ear and let her talk to him.  If your son is old enough to hold the phone, he's old enough to "talk" to her.  Once we were comfortable with each other, we let the schedule pretty much morph according to our individual needs.

Answer 2

I THINK YOU ARE A VERY VERY NICE PERSON WITH A BIG HEART --- and that deal sounds good.   You're going to go to heaven ya know....and no, I'm not a "fanatic" --- I can just spot a big heart from a distance sometimes.   You rock.

Answer 3

just make sure u stay in contact u dont want ur child to completel forget but ur dont want to be in such good contact that ur kid gets caught between u guys

Answer 4

My only concern is the Bio-Mothers current boyfriend. What is his background?

Answer 5

I think this is something you should NOT plan and plot.

Just let it happen naturally.

A pattern will emerge based on everyone's lives.

Good for you for being willing to even meet the birth parents.

Bravo!!

Answer 6

if she put him up for adoption it means she didnt want him.. you shouldnt expect her to be in the babies life... thats what you are for

Answer 7

sounds like it was an open adoption... if I'm right about 2x a year seems fair, she'll get to see him and his growth and development but not enough for him to really question who she is, if she's not happy with that though, and wants to see him more, you could discuss maybe introducing her to him as an aunt maybe that way he wouldn't question who she was and she could be around a little bit more... good luck with everything

Answer 8

That's great.  It must be very difficult for both of you but perseverence and understanding pays dividends that can only benefit your child

I'd play it by ear - things change over time

It's great to see that some little adoptees are not having to grow up in the dark the way I did - openness would have saved alot of heartache, bewilderment and fantasizing for me

Answer 9

I think you're doing the right thing. I gave my son up 10 years ago. We have an open adoption & it's always went well. Its very hard for me, seeing him then leaving. All in all though, I know he's where he should be & I know he's fine. Since you WANT the birth mother to have contact, I would start out slow, since she doesnt seem to want much contact. It may be hard for her too. I think it's great though that you're not shutting her out & want her involved. BRAVO for you & your family. The lil man is obviously loved no matter what. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

Wow that's really nice of you to do that.  I don't ever hear of parents doing that for their adopted kids.

Answer 11

I can't answer your question, but I want to commend you on your quest to make sure your child knows his family of origin.  Your bravery and willingness to risk feeling insecure or frightened about your child's emotions is proof of your unconditional love for him.

Answer 12

Yea that is a good start.  I am happy it went well for you.  Kudos to you for stepping up.

Answer 13

you seem like a very nice person. I appericate you being open and honest with your son about his adoption. Trust me having open communication regarding his adoption will build on your relationship with him.

Answer 14

I think that's fine. (Don't forget I'm a juvenile(fancy word)) You should let them meet whenever they want. I mean not too much but.....Like a grandparent. You meet them on occasion and not to frequent.