She i be mad about my fiance seeing strippers?

Question

my fiance and i have been together for 4 years.we have had the stripper conversation so many times.well he went to abachelor party and there where strippers.first of all he didn't want to tell me and when he finally did i got mad.we barely talked the whole day.so i decided to just get over it,but then i found out he got a lap dance when he knows how i feel about strippers in the first place.am i wrong for being upset?

Answer 1

When you are a guest at a bachelor party you are not responsible for the entertainment that is brought in. He didn't order the strippers, they were just there, not a lot he could do about that. However, seeing strippers is one thing (which I personally don't have a problem with) but having a lap dance is a whole different kettle of fish.

Yes, you have a right to be upset since he knew how you felt. (Nobody can tell you what feelings you are allowed to have or not have, they are YOUR feelings.)

You should make sure that you have a calm conversation with your man and let him know that this is not acceptable behavior and that he wasn't showing you respect when he had the lap dance.  Then, let it go. It's done, and nothing can change it. Hopefully, he will be remorseful and will have more sense than to do it again.

Answer 2

I think you need to address him about this situation.  I think you have a right to be upset, but I also think he could have been tricked into this situation.

One, I think it's OK for a guy to look at a stripper.  No harm in looking and no harm in going to a bachelor party with strippers.   As for the lap dance, in what context did it happen?  Did he request it or pay for it OR was he literally forced into the situation?

I know that many guys like to buy their buddies lap dances and the strippers just unexpectedly just jump a guy and sit on his lap.  Was this the case?  Did a so called friend tell a stripper to give your Fi a surprise lap dance.  If that's the case, then can you really be mad?

I mean, he could have pushed her off.  But, then he would get called "p!ssy", "wussy" and "sissy" by the other guys around him.  That can be hurtful.  So, he might have been forced into this unfavorable situation

If that's the case, talk to him about his friends.  Let him know you don't approve of these "friends"

If he requested the lap dance, then you have every right to be upset and maybe call of the engagement.  But, first talk about it and find out what happened.

Answer 3

I don't have a problem with my fiance or any man seeing strippers, so normally I'd say you're over-reacting. However, because you've had the conversation and he went behind your back, I have a problem with that. I would cut him some slack if he was really pressured into it by his friends, but I would remind him that friends who'd coerce him into disrespecting his fiance aren't good friends at all.  

Answer 4

If you had already let him know how you feel about stippers, and he did it anyway, then YES, you should be mad.  How would he feel if he found out some guy was giving you a lap dance?

Answer 5

If you had already talked about your feelings on the situation then you have a right to be upset.  And you said "you found out he got a lap dance"..did you find out from him or someone else?  If it was someone else then you definitely have a right to be upset.  

Answer 6

I don't think that you should have gotten mad. It's not that big of a deal.

Answer 7

You and your fiance had already talked about the strippers.  Unfortunately, he must have been really hard of hearing.  He knew that you were going to be upset, thats why he didn't want to tell you.  You can also decide whether to get over it or not.  It's really about mutual respect.  He had no control  over the bachelor party. Good luck  

Answer 8

if you like being used like a door mat....they i don't see anything wrong.

Answer 9

If he knew how upset you would be, then he really should have removed himself from the situation or at least at the minimum not received a lap dance. Part of being in a relationship is not doing everything you would like to do if it would really upset your partner (as long as it's realistic).

I'm also not a fan of the fact that he didn't tell you right away and then when he did he still left out important details.

I'm usually an advocate of strip clubs, etc. but I'm not an advocate of lying.  

Answer 10

Of course not, as long as he still loves you and you know that than you will be fine. If you are not comfortable with it why dont you try talking with him and telling him you dont like it. Just as long as he doesnt sleep with them you shouldnt worry. It will be ok.

Answer 11

So what? I know that sounds blunt, but unless he's sleeping with them, it is NO BIG DEAL.

I had lap dances all night the night of my bachelor party. When I got home I showed my then-fiancee (now wife) the body make-up all over my white Polo buttondown. I said, "Look Sweetie, I have "stripper" all over me!" She almost fell out of bed laughing. Yes, I showered when I got home. I have no idea why strippers have to wear Shalimar...

Oh, and I haven't been to a strip club since my bachelor party, two years ago. Haven't really wanted to go.

So, get over it. Oh, by the way, if you've been his fiancee for four years, you need to either set a date or move on.

Answer 12

You are not in the wrong at all.  Explain to him your stance on strippers...one more time, if necessary.  Ask him to respect your wishes.  He should, if he realizes how important it is to you to not mess with that.  I know I am really against my fiance having anything to do with strippers.  Its dirty...anyway, also if his guys insist on it, you could always set something up so you can be his personal stripper.  Or insist on a group stripper thing.  I know some friends that only are ok with it if they are there with them.

Answer 13

You have all right to be mad girl.

You go out and have fun with your friends and get you some guy strippers! =]

Answer 14

He ask YOU to marry him. Not a stripper. You two have been together for awhile (and I am assuming he has done nothing to make you not trust him?) While I think you need to get over the stripper issue, he shouldn't be hiding things from you. You need to not get mad about dumb things...its not worth the fight. And when you start trusting him, he will be able to tell you things. Good luck.  

Answer 15

I agree with you. If you feel this strongly, you might want to reconsider marrying him. Doesn't look like the two of you have the same values here, and probably won't change.

If it bothers you for your fiance to do this, how will you feel about your husband doing it?

Answer 16

no way!

i would be so upset if my fiance went to a party with strippers & on top of it all, got a lap dance! actaully, furious would be the appropriate word for it.

we have already decided on no bachelor/ette parties before our wedding because he feels the same...

but yes, you have all the right in the world to be upset!

Answer 17

I could see why you would be upset but it's really not a big deal your upset because he lied to you about it, then on top of him lying to you about it you found out he got a lap dance, which by the way the men are asked if they want one which means they pay a lil more money for it. as long as the bills are paid and he don't come home hot and bothered then you shouldn't be that mad, and when people hear the word stripper they automatically assume they are pigs not all strippers are pigs.

Answer 18

You're not wrong for being upset, but I think the answer is better communication, not necessarily banning strippers.  The two of you need to hammer this out.  Would you be willing to make a bachelor party exception?  Provided he's not getting a lap dance (if you're uncomfortable with it, it crosses the line).  If he's not forbidden to do something, he won't feel the need to lie about it.  And strippers at bachelor parties are pretty much a given, but how often is he going to go to one?  You have to choose your battles and find where you're willing to compromise.  There's no right or wrong answer here, just making the choice you're more comfortable with.