She is changing for the worst. (Drinking, Partying, etc)?

Question

My ex-step sister is 18. When our parents divorced we were all very pleased. She refused to move out with him cause he had a drinking and drug problem. So she eventually got her own place. (Well, rented a room out) She has gone from place to place for the last year, and has finally settled down. I was happy she found a stable place, and a full time job that allows her to have $600 a month to herself. (Her other job she couldn't afford groceries after paying anything)

Well, the last 2-3 months I can tell she is changing, and I hate the person she is becoming. You see, she absolutely hated her dad cause he was a serious alcoholic. Well, now all she does is drink. She drinks none stop. She is always wasted. But whats even worse is that when she is drunk, she attempts to end her life. A couple of her friends caught her and so now on they don't leave her side. She knows she has a problem, but she doesn't help herself.

She lives 3 hours away from me, so I can't do anything. But I want to help her. If I were to tell her that I think she has a problem she would flip out and we'd probably not ever talk again. She is stubborn like that.

Her family (and I mean whole family) has a drinking problem. It just seems to go generation to generation, and every single person loses their family cause of their problem. What can I do to help her?

Do you think I should write her a letter and send it annomously? I really want to help her. But don't want to lose her.

Answer 1

My sister is doing the same thing...killing herself, except she is doing it through Anorexia.  She refuses to eat and wants to die because she is lonely.  Anyway, your sister is not going to stop on her own.  She needs serious professional help.  You and some of her friends, you mom, etc need to confront her and tell her that you love her, but she needs help.  Express your concern for her drinking and tell her that she needs to commit herself to professional treatment.  If she doesn't, you can't continue a relationship with her because you can't have a relationship with someone who does not value their own life.  Unfortunately, that is all you can do.  Ultimately, someone with an addiction has to do 2 things: 1) admit they have a problem  and 2) want to get better.  If she will not admit she has a problem or admit that she needs/wants help, there is sadly nothing else you can do.  I know it is hard.  My family is going through the same thing.  It is difficult when a loved one does not want to live or even try anymore.  Because she is an adult, there is not much anyone else can do.  Good Luck!

Answer 2

Definately write her a letter....tell her all the things your feeling, that you write out of love and concern for her, but be sure to let her know plainly that she has an addiction problem.  Tell her you'll always be there to support her if she cleans up, but that you wont in any way enable her while she's drinking (or using).  Unfortunately, the choice is hers.  There is nothing you can say or do to change her.....when it comes to addiction only the person can clean themselves up.  She has to hit a rock bottom.  I realize this is tough to hear....and you might still think you can "cure or help" her....you can't.  I highly suggest you check out Alanon (www.alanon.com)...its like AA for the families and loved ones of alcoholics.  There are chatrooms, message boards etc....you'll find support of others in the same position as you.  If you REALLY want to help her, you need to find out all about alcoholism...and how to not enable her.  I'm crossing my fingers for both of you.  Much luck!

Answer 3

Intervention...if that doesn't work you just have to accept some humans are not meant for long term living.  It's nothing you did, and sometimes the world just comes down on certain individuals.

Answer 4

wow.  the best thing to do is to confront her, as hard as it seems. visit her sometime.  when you talk to her, ask her how she is doing and things.  after a while of talking to her, slowly ask her to tell you her feelings.  why does she feel suicidal? why does she drink? etc.  she may be depressed and may even need a pyschiatrist.  tell her that you still care about her and want her to be good.  try giving up drinking.  if she needs to, tell her to gradually stop drinking.  maybe instead of everyday let her drink every few days.  she should control herself.  good luck.

Answer 5

wow that is so bad

I have a friend who is much the same, self harms when drunk, always a worry that they will go too far and end their life,

Unfortunately little can be done to help until they themselves can admit to having a drink problem

Answer 6

Wow, tough call!  I would guess that deep down she knows she has a problem and hates it - hence the suicide attempts.  Maybe try sending a letter to say how much you care about her and how you are always there for her if she has a problem. Tell her how proud you are of the things she has accomplished particularly in view of her difficult upbringing with her fathers alcoholism.  Maybe something like that would show her what she doesn't want to become.  At the end of the day dealing with alcoholism isn't easy and the drinker has to acknowledge the problem and WANT to do something about it.  You can only support her choices, you cannot make them for her.

Good luck I hope life gets easier for you both x