She is here but is she staying?

Question

After she had a texting and calling "affair" with 2 innocent visits to his house..we are working on getting past the episode. Will she really be able to walk away from someone who made her feel so special and flattered her and told her how beautiful she was and left flowers on his doorstep (she has to drive by his house to go to work). We have been together for 11 years and it is difficult to match the intensity of some new person full of compliments. Can she seriously give up the contact...so far...so good

Answer 1

She can if she realizes she's truly satisfied with you. A lot of women feel "bored" after being with someone for a long time, and seek the attention and excitement of a new man in their life. Fortunately, she's kept it to a minimum in the scheme of things and now you have the opportunity to give her what she needs: the spark. Luckily you know that's what she's desiring right now, so turn up the romance. Buy her flowers. Lingerie. Write her a love letter. Make her see she chose the right guy, and don't forget that even when you become comfortable, you should still make your loved one feel as good as the day you started dating.

Answer 2

well we are all human, we all make mistakes and we are all entitled to a second chance,, if she's done it more than once then you already know what to do but i mean if you've been with her for 11 years then obviously the both of you are doing something right to remain in the relationship,,,so try to trust her as long as she doesnt give you reasons not to, it was probably just a stage she was going thru,, but you need to realize what you dont get at home you will get elsewhere so if you arent giving her the attention she needs maybe its time to start...call her during the day to let her know you're thinking about her,,,,,,,,tell how how beautiful she is,,,take her out on dates,,,try new things in bed and even do it in different places,,,buy her flowers and surprise her with gifts every now and then,,,remind her that she is special to you,,,guys do all those things at the beiggining and then suddenly stop and since we are used to the attention, we seek it elsewhere......

Answer 3

This happened with me and my husband just before we were married.  It sounds like pretty much the same scenario.  He has broken off all contact with her and I believe him whole-heartedly.  When a couple really wants to get past something, they can.  She has to be completely open and honest with you, though, and never leave any room for doubt.  She has to fully cut out all contact with him and has to be willing to prove that to you at any time you ask.

Answer 4

If she is committed to rebuilding your marriage, then she has to stop all contact with this other person.   Of coarse she can.  She may miss the way the 'affair' made her feel, more than she ever misses the person.  

It was a fantasy.  That new relationship energy can be fun, but it is not based on reality.   Nor does that last forever.  

Hopefully, she has come out of the fog of self delusion and has realized what is really important to her.....you.   You have something it never had, a long history, a deeper, mature love that can hopefully survive this.  It takes time to repair trust and heal after a betrayal.  It will take lots of effort from both of you.  

Some resources that might help:

A good book:

"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass

A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES about affair recovery. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTal...

A few other helpful sites:

http://www.dearpeggy.com/

http://marriagebuilders.com/

http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/

Some support groups for those dealing with infidelity that you may find very helpful:

http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/

http://survivinginfidelity.com/

An ebook written for the former wayward spouse, to help them understand what is needed to help the betrayed spouse and earn trust again.

http://aftertheaffair.net/

Answer 5

She can if she believes that your relationship is worth it. Perhaps experiencing the "intensity" along with the consequences was precisely what she needed to realize the value of a steady long-term relationship. But it's hard to say what the other person may be thinking of feeling - there's never a way to get into another's head. You have to go on your gut feeling and on basic trust in this person.