She making me choose!!!?

Question

My girlfriend and I love each other a lot. I work, have my own apt, have a car, and go to school. I'm a good guy. I take care of her and take her out and everything. My only fault is I'm a marijuana user. She recently expressed that she wants me to stop and it either the weed or her. So right now I'm mad because I was doing this before we even met. I told her I won't do it around her or that I would do it less. That didn't change anything. I think it messed up. I pick her, but my question is if I was doing this before her and she knew about it, should she even be doing this?

Answer 1

OK, I think it may be a little blunt for her to just say all of a sudden that you have to choose between her or your Mary Jane, but it seems that she has gotten to a point where she is tired of it. Yeah it does seem messed up that she is asking you to stop when you were doing it long before you met her, and that she expects you to quit just like that, but have you considered the fact that she is asking you because she loves you? Marijuana isn't good for you, and I'm not gonna go into all those details, but she is probably asking you because she cares about your health. Yeah you do seem like a good guy, but maybe she thinks you would be an even better guy if you stopped using drugs, or lessened using them. either way it would make a difference. I'm sorry you had to choose. Life isn't fair sometimes. Just let her know that its gonna take some time to stop using marijuana altogether.

Answer 2

She has every right to do that. She hates the fact that you do it. She want's to be with you but will not be around that or around you if you do that. Make the choice.

Answer 3

You admit you're a "marijuana user", but that could mean anything from you being constantly stoned out of your mind to getting a bit high twice a year.

Seems to me there's a few possibilities here.

First, it could be that your girlfriend is just testing you and seeing if she can get you to do what she wants. Some people do have control issues and some women - particularly young women, in my experience - get a kick out of getting their guy to jump through hoops. If that's what this is about, I hope you have enough respect for yourself that you move on.

Second, it could be that she has picked on the smoking issue as one where she can deliver an ultimatum which she and others in her group will consider reasonable, but which she has a good idea you will refuse to meet. In other words, she wants to break up with you, but she's trying to manipulate things so you're the one "responsible" for the breakup

Third, it could be that she's under pressure from her friends or family who know you smoke and don't like it. Getting you to stop smoking is not about your welfare, but purely about giving her a more peaceful life.

Fourth, it could be that she simply does not like how marijuana affects you, does not much enjoy being with you when you're high and doesn't much like the idea of putting up with a stoner for the rest of her life.

Fifth, it could be that she thinks the money you spend on weed would be far better spent on other, more positive things that you and she can enjoy together.

You say that she knew you smoked before she hooked up with you. But I wonder if you didn't also then know something about her attitude to weed and decided to get involved with her anyway.

I think ultimatums like the one your girlfriend has given you followed by a refusal of any offers of compromise are not a very mature way of dealing with disputes in relationships and it makes me question how much further your relationship is likely to go. However, to be charitable, we are only hearing your perspective and in a very short form at that, so it seems possible to me that she feels she has been pushed to make this an either-or decision for you because other efforts by her to encourage you to change your behavior for (what she believes to be) the better have had no effect.

Bottom line: I think you need to try to step back and ask yourself why she is making this demand and why now. Is she doing it for selfish reasons? Is she doing it because she honestly believes it to be for your good? Or is she doing it because she thinks it's the only way your relationship can continue?

Answer 4

Yeah, sorry bro, throw it out. Get rid of it all together. Make your choice and stick to it. If you try to hide it, it will more than likely kill the relationship. I think she's smart. Hope you make the right choice and stick to it. She could be saving your life.

Answer 5

well she was probably cool with it at a time but then developed a problem. If you love the girl like you say you do, you should give it up. Or you should have her explain why she has an issue with it. But if you love her, you should give it up, that's the bottom line, like it or not. But she shouldn't try and change you over something that's "harmless"

Answer 6

She can't tolerate it.......simple............you should stop.

Answer 7

clearly she cares a whole lot about you if she's been with you through this, and wants you to stop. if you really care about her, and thinks she's worth more than a temporary high (and judging from your question, you sound like you do) you should totally quit!

honestly, if you truly love her, the way you feel when you're with her should be a million times better than getting high

be smart, good luck :)

Answer 8

Yes she should!The weed will get to your head.

Answer 9

i think if you lover her you would stop for her straight up

Answer 10

You said "I'm a good guy"... news for you: good guys DON'T do marijuana. So STOP. It will mess up your life... and hers... and who would you rather keep, that filthy drug or your girlfriend?

YOUR CHOICE.. make the right one.  

Answer 11

Excellent question...because I've said that to a guy and trust me, it didn't work.  He still used and I just adjusted although it bugged me because it was illegal and it made him lazy.  I felt like I was dating a loser even if he was a really cool guy.  But if she knew you were using before she started dating you then...she knew the package she was getting and ultimately it's her choice whether she leaves or stays.  

Answer 12

she tried to deal with it, she learns its a majorr turn off so  now she wants you to stop  also cause its more attrative to have a man that dont use.. but she may also care about your health

Answer 13

I'm guessing that she thought that you would eventually stop using weed. But I do think it's fair that she is making you choose.

It sounds like she cares about you and your health and wants what's best for you.

What is more important her or the weed?

In the end, it's your decision.

Answer 14

take the weed, maybe this will help persuade you- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7Zuu...

Answer 15

It doesn't matter when you started, part of having her is having her likes and dislikes, and obviously she dislikes weed. So if you want her, you just have to deal with it.