Ships and Fools...poem critique please!

Question

I remember two years when I was down the coast,

I saw a ship of fools slowly making there way home.

It had written on the side 'Till death do us part'

I guess I should have seen it coming, I should have seen my heart.

As tidal waves crashed against the bluest of skies,

I opened my eyes and started to see no truth, just lies,

I'm a man in the shell of a body of dust,

And I caught my self up in the cusp of a spider web.

So to tell the truth I always did love you,

But love is a word which can be thrown around easily,

I guess that's the message you sent on the back of a dove,

Not realising that I had no faith in the one that's above.

As I spoke in riddles to get you thinking,

I saw a parade of a sing man marching band,

I opened my chest just to expose my heart,

Tell me why did you have to tear it apart?

I'm now sailing on that ship of fools,

I'm singing the song that goes 'till death do us part'

Please let me know what you think! Thanks

Answer 1

I think it really is sweet, but I think you should change the spider web part it doesn't work with the rhythm of the poem, but other than that I think it really is a good poem.

You could post it quizilla where others can also rate your poems  

Answer 2

that was really good! i am serious.

Answer 3

I think that poem is amazing! you should continue to write poems because you are really good, and im not just saying that

Answer 4

I can't really feel a rhythm within the poem. Great writing and story but definitely need to put more of a flow in it.  

Answer 5

I think it's pretty good because I can relate so well to it, sort of depressing though.  Nice job.

Answer 6

wow....thats really great!! i write poems too...but mine are all depressing n junk...but this poem is amazing...it has lots of feeling and emotion...i feel this....it works for me...haha

Answer 7

two thumbs up  

Answer 8

Pretty good, you need to rhyme a little more.  Keep up the good work.

Answer 9

It's much more ironic and a whole lot less emo than most poems about the pain of love. Good work! Very surreal imagery.