Short Poem...Opinions please! ?

Question

My cup is full...

I'm overflowing...

Looks like I've had enough....

Yeahh I've deffinately had enough....

I cant stop the water....

I cant stop the water....

Please drink my problems up....

Of course you don't want my problems...

This water's too cloudy for most....

I guess I'll just sit here and drink it myself...

To that I say...."Let's toast".... =/

Answer 1

not bad but this can get repetitive and you definitely don't need so many ellipsis's. They only make your poem look childish.  Please don't listen to the advice of the first commenter her comments were utterly useless and wrong. Poetry is not, as the common misconception notes, meant to be flowery or song-like...poem and song are different...require different things and also. And as for flowery words they take away from the power, subtlety and compression of a great poem. Good ideas. And some interesting lines. The self conflict is also  great but you need to cut a clearer course for yourself.

Answer 2

hey dear .... nice attempt ... here is what i genuinely felt about it

The key theme is quite confusing for me to understand ...

U could have made it lil clear...

And flowery words with rhythm in dem adorn a poem ..

Try adding them ...they are trills and appogiaturas to a song!

A very postive point I observed was the inertia in you to try to communicate with the reader ... It could definitely becum focused to connect with the reader by planning out the idea ....

All the best for your future creations....

Answer 3

This a a pretty straight forward poem, nice structure for a short poem. Make sure to always proofread for flow and spelling. Above all keep writing!