Short poem....Would love to get comments....Tah.?

Question

I'm 15 and i have just started writing poetry. Here are some of my pieces:

"A touch of Death"

Eyes squinting in the light,

The thought of you, helps me fight,

Close to death, Can go fast and slow,

Will I survive, only time will know,

Bodies all around me, deep in thought,

Waiting for a miracle, looking distraught,

A Doctor with a tool, nearing my chest,

I’m going to win, must hope for the best

Awaking to the sounds, the voices I know,

I open my eyes, I sit up nice and slow,

I’m getting better, Spirits arise with relief,

Huddling around, there is everything but grief.

"Love, the wrong one"

Hiding well within, never letting go,

Freedom from this, never will I know,

My Heart thumping, will it ever end?

The thought of you, my best friend,

Hurting from inside, tearing me apart,

When I come near, you turn and dart,

Never do I wonder, why you run from me,

You make me cry, together we should be.

I've posted these before, they're not based on true stories.

Answer 1

First reaction is wow. Then I say Brilliant. You have really captured the feeling and put in ink that will remain forever.

Transfer these to some hard source. Such as a hard drive. Have 3 copy sources.

You don't want to lose them. I've lost some that I have written.

There are ways you can publish as well. You would need a collection.

Generally what you write originally is the best you may want to expand and add to it or alter it in the future.

You can get bogged down with dictionary terms. I like the simplicity. Common words that you can relate to common people.

You could do good with your poems.

If they are private then you could keep them to only close family members.

You never know someone reading your poems. You might make them think and take their mind off the pain that they are feeling. Dare I say it not just to suck up you could alter or change even save a life.

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Answer 2

dreadful

Answer 3

You know that poems dont have to rhyme?

ive been writing alot of poems and ive learned one thing... dont EVER take a class on poetry. It will infect your way of thinking. Try writing your poems a bit more like a story