Should He Really have his Original Birth Certificate?

Question

All of the concerns that adopted people should have the right to their original birth certificates in order to know their true origins makes 100% logic and sense to me. I completely support this, but have been thinking about what My Little Boy will find on his Original BC....

He will find he was given his original middle and last name for a man who ended up Not being his biological father..... and he will also find that this man spent four years sexually abusing the sister he was adopted with--who has very serious emotional issues...

Should he really actually have access to a Lie--and be named for a man who abused his big sister...he loves and sees living with this kind of pain?

Just wondering...... because this is what he will find and he does have rights---He was born in Oregon.....

Answer 1

I think he should have access to it.  His life story is his story.  When he is older he'll be able to handle it, besides he'll have you as a mother to comfort and guide him.

Answer 2

I think he should have access to it and his whole life story explaining it...  as age allows.

Answer 3

When he requests a copy, he won't be a little boy any more.

He'll be a grown man.

And every adult is entitled to their birth certificate, no matter who they were named for, or what that person did.

Answer 4

The only thing I have to say is something you already know:  he has a right to his information, no matter how good, bad, or ugly it is.  Even if the info is wrong, it's still his info.

But I'm preaching to the choir, aren't I?

Answer 5

he has the right.  besides, what other people do is NOT who "he is".  whether or not it's his true father, it was still his name that was given to him.

Answer 6

He should have the right to it if he wants it.

Answer 7

He absolutely has a right to it, its HIS lifestory good or bad its his.

Answer 8

Yes it will be needed later in life for medical, traveling, and social security reasons.

Answer 9

While more information than what is on the OBC may be necessary to help him make sense of it all, it is still his document.  He should have access to it.  It's part of his story.  That doesn't mean he should get it in an information vacuum.  But he should still have it.

Answer 10

You know what? I worry about what I am going to have to tell my daughter, "Lauren", when / if I meet her. It'll be hard. I don't plan on "dumping" a load of stuff on her in one sitting... there are PLENTY of children who know that their parents killed / raped / molested people. THEY LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT. Adoption shouldn't change anything. I know, as parents, we want to protect them, but we're raising adults... not children. Everyone says, "I am raising 'a child'", when in fact, they have a child that they are raising to be an adult.

Unfortunately, my son (Sam), will have to also face a tough reality about his dad. Knowing that, I talk to him about issues that will help him understand when he grows up. I talk to him about trust and lies. I try not to bad mouth his dad... I just try to use examples that will help him understand things better when he does find out about his dad. You have years of preperation.

Talk to him now about mental illness. You don't have to say you're talking about his bio dad, just be general. Then when the time comes, he's prepared.

He'll be fine. Lies and secrets destroy people. The truth makes us stronger, more understanding and sets us free. Yes, it can hurt, but at least you know EXACTLY what you're dealing with.

Best wishes.

Answer 11

He has the same right under the law that any other citizen has.  

I wonder how many non-relinquished, non-adopted individuals have lies on their birth certificates?  For example, if mom had someone on the side for a while, but of course hubby's named as the father.  

A lot of us have nastiness in our past.  But, we also have the right to being treated with the dignity that allows us to know the truth and to handle it ourselves.  I'm an adult.  I don't need someone protecting me from the truth.  I don't need someone assuming I can't handle it, as painful as it might be.

I found out that my nmom committed suicide after quitting her meds 7 months before I located her.  It hurt like h**l.  My father, with whom I'd only reunited 3 weeks prior to my finding this out, chose to jump in the car and drive down to be with me I took it so hard.  I also found out that at another time she quit her meds she shot her husband while she was in an extreme paranoid state.  (He lived and is okay today.)  I found out that she literally walked out the door and never came back one day, abandoning my 3 and 5 year old brother and sister.

I got to be the one to tell my two sibs about the suicide.  Yes, it was hard to have that conversation, but they wanted -- and deserved -- the truth, even though it hurt like h**l.

Yeah, sometimes the truth sucks.  But, it's MY truth.  In the case of your son, it's HIS truth.

Answer 12

My cousin Johnny committed suicide when he found out the "whole truth". He hung himself on the mast of his biological father's boat with a note pinned to his shirt that read "Sins of the Father".

  His grandmother blamed herself for years....I am not sure if everyone is emotionally capable of handling the truth.

This is very emotional issue that hits home for me because my daughter's bio-father is a convicted rapist and registered s*x offender. It's going to hurt her like h**l when she hears of the crimes he plead guilty too. I read the police report and nearly vomitted. So I am not sure.....only time can tell.

I have dd's OBC and I will get it too her when she is old enough to understand. She should not be haunted by the crimes of her father!!!

Answer 13

I guess there are really bad cases. But in my case, it's not that way. I think everyone has to choose their own path.

Answer 14

When he is an adult he has the right to decide for himself if he wants this information. As a parent you have the right to be concerned, but you do not have the right to take away his basic human right. If this was your biological child and when he became an adult would you still be asking the same question regarding what information he has a right too? I think not! It goes to show you that no matter the life story behind an adoption, most people feel the need to decide what our rights are for us! This is where i get angry.

Answer 15

Probably not.  Once an adopted child, always a child.