Should I's with adoption... Can you help me?

Question

Ok so I am 15, 22 weeks pregnant, have a family for adoption, and need some advise. I believe it is easier to ask on here first so then I can sound a little better at what I want to do just a little advise. I dont want any comments on my age I already know that I am young and made a stupid mistake but at least I am facing it instead of running away from it. I have a meeting in like 2 weeks and they are going to ask me some questions that I am not sure what to say to them and right now I only have my aunt withe me so I would like to sound strong and I want to sound like I know what I want.

1) Should I name the baby.

2) Should I stay in touch or just send birthday cards every year.

3) Should I be close to the family I am giving to.

4) Should I help name the baby.

5) Should I have the woman who will be the mom be in the delivery room.

6) Should I see the baby after birth.

thats all I can think of now thank you for your help.

Answer 1

I'm in tears about this, this is such a sensitive topic for me. My nephew was born to his parents very young, and they his mom opted to keep him, although he is happy and she does a great job, he woud have been so much better off being with two parents all the time. Thank you Thank you Thank you for being so wise and loving to realize how important it is to give your child the best. You are a wonderful young lady, I can already tell.

1. You should not help name the baby, this baby is going to belong to another family, although you will always be this babys biological mom, the baby will have another mommy and daddy, and it should be their decision.

2. I would say no, because this baby needs a fair chance and living as normal life as possible, and so do you. You need to be able to move on and doing great things for yourself. Hopefully there will come a day in the far future when you will be able to meet your child, but until then, give both of you the chance at a normal life.

3. I think that you should stay close to them through out the pregancy, involve them in everything, if you choose, let them come to the doctor appts and stuff. If it makes you feel better, after the baby is born, you can see if they would be willing to call you or you call them every year and just fill you in on what the child is doing and how they are doing, but until the child is in their teens, these phone calls should be confidential.

4. No, it should be their choice on the name of the baby.

5. Yes, she would love to be able to share in this beautiful and miraculous time. It will help bond her and the baby even more. I also feel like they should give her the baby to hold instead of you.

6. I think that you have made the right decision in letting the baby be adopted, and you should leave it at that. I think it would be harder to give the baby up after you have seen it and held, etc.

I know this is such a hard subject, and there are so many opinions. My heart goes out to you. You are a brave young woman and it sounds like you are on the right track. Stay strong, and do what is best for you, the baby and the adoptive family. Only you know the right answers to these difficult questions. If you ever need to talk to someone, please email me. [e-mail]. Best of Luck and God Bless!

Answer 2

I think you should talk to the family that is going to be adopting the baby.  I am sure that the lady would love to be in the room when the baby is born.  Ask about staying in touch,  If it is an open adoption, they will let you sends letters and cards, maybe even call and see the child.  As far as naming the baby, the family will want to do that.  They may have family names they want to use.  You should see your child and ask for a photo, this give you the chance to close things for yourself and know that you are making a very good descion for you and your child and for a family that may not be able to have a baby.  You can ask for photos, letters, cards, updates, to be included in birthdays, I know a young lady that is the baby sitter for the family that she choose.

Answer 3

First of all, thank you for giving your baby life and not aborting it.  Second, the decision you have made to place the baby for adoption must've been so difficult and it is very unselfish and courageous.  Adoption is about love and giving your baby MORE!  

I am an adoptive mom so I know how much your baby will be loved and appreciated by the adoptive family.  You are truly giving them a beautiful miracle that has probably been long-awaited.  My heart goes out to you!!  It takes a very unselfish, responsible, mature person to do what you are doing for your baby.  I know some on here will try and talk you out of your decision, but they don't know your reasons and your situation and are only making this harder on you.

Now, I will try to help answer your questions from an adoptive mom's perspective.

1.  You can choose a name for the baby to put on the birth certificate if you want, but the adoptive couple can change the baby's name to whatever they want once the adoption is finalized and an ammended birth certificate is issued.  I think it would be fine to ask them if they have any names in mind and hopefully there will be some that you all like.

2.  I think staying in touch is good, probably about once a month or so.  That way you can know how your baby is doing.  That is all up to you and the adoptive family.  Every adoption situation is different, so you have to figure out what is right for you and them.

3.  How close you are with them is also up to you and them.  We are very close with the birth mother who placed her baby with us and I know that she said it gave her a lot of strength to go through with the adoption when the time came because she loved us so much.  It's also nice because we can tell our daughter about her and someday in the future if she wants to meet her birth mother, we can arrange it for her.  It's all up to you and how you feel and what's best for you!

4.  I think it's just fine to discuss names with the adoptive family and go from there.  My husband and I gave our daughter her middle name after her birth parents.  It's a combination of both of their names.  We wanted to honor them and help her to feel a connection to them.  Talk to them and see how they feel.  They may want suggestions or they may already have something in mind.

5.  Again, this is up to you.  We weren't there when our daughter was born, but some adoptive couples are.  Some  of that will depend on the hospital where you deliver.  Some hospitals won't allow prospective adoptive families in the hospital at all.  If they do allow it, it's up to you and them and how far away they live.  I don't know if I would recommend it because it could get very emotional and you will already be dealing with enough.  You might want your space until time for you to sign the consent papers.

6.  Once again, all up to you.  In every state there is a waiting period before you can sign the papers.  You will have to find out what that is for your state.  I know our daughter's birth mother wanted the whole 48 hours to herself to spend with the baby.  That was her special time with the baby to do special things with her and say goodbye.  I think if you don't see the baby, you may have regrets.  Although, there is a strong chance that once you see the baby, it'll make it more real and it'll be harder for you to go through with the adoption.  There can be a strong bond between a mother and her newborn baby.  If you feel like seeing the baby will make it so you can't go through with the adoption, then you'll have to weigh it out carefully.  

One thing that a lot of birth mothers do is to write a letter to themself ahead of time and list all the reasons they have chosen to place the baby for adoption and all their feelings about it.  That way, at the hospital when you are worn out, hormonal and emotionally charged, you can get that letter out and read it to remind you or your reasons for placing the baby for adoption.  That way you can make a decision that is well thought out and not just do something you'll regret later because you made the decision on the spur of the moment.  

Good luck to you!!  Don't be nervous about the meeting.  It is very likely that THEY will be more nervous than you are!  I'm sure everything will go fine and it will be a positive experience!  May God bless you and help you through this journey!

Answer 4

First of all, have you read this article? http://www.girl-mom.com/node/34

It is very moving.

Second of all, this isn't "the baby", it is YOUR baby, and you are, and always will be, your baby's mother, regardless.  You are giving this child life, creating this child within your womb, YOU are your baby's mother.  Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

To answer your questions:

1) YES!  Your baby will have to have an ORIGINAL birth certificate on file with the county he or she is born.  Why shouldn't you name your own child?  Sadly, this birth certificate will be sealed upon completion of the adoption, but this is a record of your child's birth, TO YOU, and you most definitely are entitled to name your own child.

2) YES stay in touch if this is what you and the APes have agreed to.  If this is what you want!  Also, think about your child!  Your child should have the right to know you, her mother, and have access to her genealogy, her heritage, her medical history, everything.  It is so important and it would be such a treasure for your child if he/she could have you in her life!

3) If this is going to be a lifetime commitment, then yes.  If you plan on giving up your child, and remaining in contact, why wouldn't you?

4) You can, but chances are they will give your child a name they want to give her.  Sadly, most adopters are just greedy that way.

5) NO, NO, NO.  This is YOUR SPECIAL TIME.  This may be the ONLY time you will ever have with your child if you go through with this.  Give yourself and your baby some time together.  Hold her, nurse her, count her little fingers and toes, memorize her face, the shape of her nose.  In fact, I'd advise against letting them come to the hospital at all.  

6) YES YES YES  Don't you think you would regret it if you didn't?  Do you really think you can just give birth to your own child and walk away?

Do some research into what first moms really go through.  It sounds like you are really trying to prepare yourself, but I worry that you are NOT prepared for the lifelong pain that you will face when you realize that giving up your own child is not as easy as the agency makes it out to be.

Read some blogs by first mothers.  Find a CUB (Concerned United Birthparents) support group in your area and meet some first mothers IRL who have given up their babies.  

I just would hate to see this devastation happen to you; the agencies and the adopters don't care about you, they just want your baby.

Answer 5

These are absolutely your decisions.  As far as contact with the adoptive family, I would make things as open as possible and you can always change to less open later if that is what you want, but you may regret it if you can't make it more open.  

The questions you asked that I feel most strongly about are having the adoptive mother in the delivery room (NO!) and should you see the baby.  PLEASE take some time with your baby without the adoptve parents.  Don't rush your time with your baby, or rush your final decision.  You may find that you want and will make the committment to do everything you can to parent your baby.  If you still decide you want to relinquish, you need the time with your child for your own peace.  It will be hard, it will be emotional, but it will be what you need.  

Good Luck to you.

Answer 6

Speaking as an adult adoptee...

1) Absolutely.  If you decide to go through with the adoption, the name you give him/her, will be very special to him/her as an adult.  It is something that only you two can share.

2) If you go through with it, I highly recommend a fully open adoption - which means you are virtually a member of the adoptive family and will see your child all the time (if, that is, they honor an open adoption agreement - be careful, many adoptive parents close adoptions when they feel like it). **

3) You have a very short time in which to get to know these people, and they of course are going to put their best foot forward because they want a baby.  Be cautious and very observant of their behavior.

4)  Refer to #1.  YOU name your baby.  If adoptive parents rename the baby, I feel it's a bad sign.  In that case, they are naming a fantasy child - not respecting the person your baby will be.

5) Absolutely NOT.  Not only is this your special time with your baby, it is your baby's special time with you.  YOU are who s/he is expecting to see, feel, smell, and hear, and it will be of tremendous comfort to him/her to be with with you during the first few days after the ordeal of birth.  S/he will need that time with you, and you alone, to be calmed and comforted.

6)  See #5

** One of the questions you should ask these people is how they feel about the possibility that you may decide to keep and parent your baby after s/he is born.  As you may have read here in other Y!A questions & answers, it is not unusual for a mother to change her mind about an adoption plan when she meets her child face-to-face after the birth.  They should know that this is a possibility.  If they respond by trying to pressure you further into placing your baby, look for someone else or give up on your adoption plan.

After you have met and got the pleasantries out of the way, you may want to consider asking your aunt to leave the room while you speak with these people.  This is the biggest decision you will probably make in your lifetime, and you may later regret that you allowed your aunt to direct the flow of the conversation.

Answer 7

let remember people if a man put his p***s in you you are taking a chance in getting pregnant or dieases . you must be reasonable for your action. the fact that you wasn't aborted should make you not want to abort your baby.

Answer 8

1.No

2.This really depends on what you and they are comfortable with.

3.Again this depends on what type of relationship you and the adoptive family want. There are cases where adopted families and birthfamilies become very close and eventually considered each other extended family. There must be boundaries drawn on both sides.  This will become the adopted parents baby, and its not for you or anyone in your family to critique them if you don’t approve of their parenting.

4.No

5.It just depends on what you’re comfortable with. My aunt and her husband were in the room when their son’s birthmother gave birth to him. To this day they are very gratefully that their son’s birthmother allowed them to be in the room.

6.That’s really up to you, it couldn’t hurt. As a poster above said you might write a letter to yourself all the reasons you feel adoption is best for the baby, then you can read it after you give birth.

In regards to question 1 and 4 – If you want to you could ask them if it would be ok if you suggested a middle name.  When my aunt adopted her son they named him but gave him the middle name of a person in his birth family. Even if the adopted family  has a middle name they want to use , a person can have more then 1 middle name.

Answer 9

(((((HUGS))))))

I just want to say THANK-YOU for choosing adoption! You are a hero!!!! :D This is a great choice and it shows what a loving, compassionate and wonderful person you are. THANK-YOU!  

Here are my answers

1.  If the adopting parents ask you to and you don't  mind, sure.  But if not, no, its best not too.

2.  I would let the parents decide.

3.  Same as above

4. Same as above

5.  It's completely your decision.  If you feel comfortable, yes.  If not, just wait until the baby is born and let the mom hold the baby first.

6.  You might speak with a counselor, etc. on how much contact you should have.  Perhaps allow the parents to meet the baby first and then hold him/her for a short time, tell him/her how much you love him/her and that you love him/her sooooooooo much you want to give him/her the best life possible!!!!!

Again thank-you for choosing adoption! :D

Answer 10

I would not dream of making nasty comments about your age. I know too many successful parents who got pregnant when they were young.  I work with an amazing engineer who had a baby when she was 16 yo.  She and her parents refused to allow her son to be adopted.  She and her son shared a room through her high school  and college years.  20 years  later, both thriving  

Youth is not a reason to give a child away.  If you want to keep your child, ask our aunt to help you.  Just be sure that you will commit yourself 110% to raise your child in a healthy environment.

If there is no way for you to provide for your child, then stand up for YOUR rights!  You are the mother - no one else!  If adoption is your ony choice, then please follow the advice below - for you and your child -

"1) Should I name the baby." - YES!!!  And demand that the adoptive parents keep at least part of the name for your baby.  Your baby will respect that when he/she is an adult.

"2) Should I stay in touch or just send birthday cards every year."  You should send cards for what ever holiday that you celebrate.  You should also demand photos and visits for all fo the major events in your child's life.  Get this in writing.

"3) Should I be close to the family I am giving to."  If you want to be at this time - yes.  If you want to be alone to bond with our baby - no.  They have no rights to intrude on your personal time.

"4) Should I help name the baby."  If your have strong feelings that the name of your child be reflect his/her culture, then demand that you name your baby.  It want to puke when I see yuppies who adopt children from different cultures and give them yuppie names.

"5) Should I have the woman who will be the mom be in the delivery room."  Oh my god NO!  This is your time.  She has no business there.  If you feel that you need support in labor and delivery, ask your aunt.  I truly feel that it is unfair to your child to have other people interferring with his/her birth.

"6) Should I see the baby after birth."  Fo your sake and for your baby's sake, I beg you to please spend as much time alone with your baby as possible.   It is the healthiest thing to do.  Puppies get more time with their mothers than infant human adoptees do.

Answer 11

I was adopted when I was 2 months old, so my perspective might be a little different, but here goes.

1. No, once the baby is born, he/she won't be your anymore, so you shouldn't name the baby.

2. You should not keep in touch or send cards, but you could make a video or put a scrapbook together about yourself and give it to the adoptive parents in case they want the child to know where he/she came from (for lack of a better word, there).

3. You should not be close to the adoptive family.  It could cause you to have more of an emotional ride than if you just give them the baby and go on with your life knowing the child is in good hands.

4. You should not help name the baby.  He/she will not belong to you after he/she is born.

5.  You should have the adoptive mother in the delivery room.  What an even more special gift you will be giving her to allow her to witness the birth of her child.

6. Although this question really has me torn, I'm going to say you should not see the baby.  It may make it easier to give him/her up if you don't see him/her.

Now, on questions 2 and 3, if you think you can handle knowing you gave birth to a child and someone else is going to called mommy AND if the adoptive parents want you to be involved in those ways, then that would be okay.  However, you have to realize that should the adoptive parents choose to raise the child differently than you would have, you will have no authority to do anything about it.  It could be very difficult to watch a parent, say discipline a child, and if you don't agree with their methods, not say or do anything.  You cannot interfere.

I hope this helps.  Only you can know the true answers to your questions, but maybe my answers will give you somethings to think about.

God bless you for giving one of the ultimate gifts...a child.

Answer 12

ok..I'm a little late on this one but just saw it.

1. I think you should help if the adopting parents would like. Remember this is a child they will raise.

2. If they will allow it stay in touch. Make sure to understand that your not going to be the mother any longer though. You don't want to cause confusion to the child. I have a friend that was adopted and she knew he birthmother. She called her MY "ladies name" when she was little. Someday your child will want to know who you are and about you.

3. Same as the above. Discuss it with the family.

4. Same as 1

5. I think it's a great idea to have her in the delivery room. This will be just as exciting for her as for you. This will also help her to connect with the child, I think.

6. I say yes unless you feel you can't handle it. If you don't then you'll always as yourself what if.

Answer 13

People, not everyone is in a mental, physical, emotional or spiritual position to take care of a child.   A child is a burden of love, but a burden, just the same. People don't understand that until they have to stay up all night with a sick baby that no one can console.  It just cries and cries, and you feel helpless.  Then people realize that maybe parenting is not so easy.

You need to understand parenting, and it seems that you feel you cannot parent at this time.  I'm glad you understand that.  You can name the child on the birth certificate or in your heart what you want, but they are going to change the child's name.  It will, after all, be their child then.  

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 14

First of all thanks for giving a family a wonderful gift. When we adopted our daughter, we allowed the birthmom to help us pick out the name for her and allow her to see our daugher when she wants. She sees her for the holidays and for the birthdays. She is close to us. Also, SHE allowed me to be in the delivery room. I was the one who took her the hospital because she went into labor eight weeks early, Sit down and talk to the family. They know you are nervouse but talk to them. You might be shocked how welcome they are of you. They arent mean people not matter what people say. There are tons of adoptions out there that have gone great and then are some that arent so great. This is your baby, You talk to you them and tell them what you want.You can see your baby after birth. I know that our  birthmom saw her and she told me to come and see her. Its neat how some bithmoms and adopted moms can become great friends. When you meet them go into it and know that they do know what you are doing is a BLESSING!!! Just remember, this is your baby that you are giving to a family is so ever so thankful. May your journy be a blessed one. You will be in our prayers:) Amie

Answer 15

Hi Thought I would send a link along. The Hallmark channel has episodes of

adoption stories.

http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/publish/c...

Answer 16

hi dear.

you have made a big choice, and i applaud you for making this step.  i'll give you my "opinion" on your questions:

1) Should I name the baby. - the paps might have a name they wish the baby to have. but, this is YOUR baby until you relinquish, hence you should feel 100% within your rights to name your baby! if you truly are on board with an adoption plan, i'd suggest meeting with them after birth and letting them know you have a name you'd like to propose. a friend of mine just adopted and she and the bmom named the baby, together.

2) Should I stay in touch or just send birthday cards every year. --stay in touch to the degree you are comfortable.  but please be aware that open adoption agreements are not legally binding.  that means, at any time the adoptive parents can move, or cut off contact.

3) Should I be close to the family I am giving to. --this is a tricky one. sometimes being close is helpful, and other times being close is not. if you can help it, stay away from pre-birth matching. it's really tough to know how you will feel until after the baby is born.

4) Should I help name the baby. --see #1

5) Should I have the woman who will be the mom be in the delivery room. --that's your choice!  but realize that during labor and delivery you will be totally exposed, and it gets really messy. you have to make that decision if you want her in there with you.  personally, i think delivery is a very private time for you and the baby. the adoptive mom will have a lifetime, you should not feel obligated to share this one intimate moment with her.

6) Should I see the baby after birth. --yes!  it's best to say "hello" before "goodbye."

i really hope things work out for you and the baby...

ps.  someone please tell me that TAS is joking with that advice??? it's clear that this person has NEVER either given birth, placed a child for adoption; or works for an adoption agency! ..

"...also I feel like they should give her the baby to hold instead of you...." gag!!!

Answer 17

Hi there Youcantseeme,

I'll give you my thoughts and I'd also like to direct you to a site which entirely made up of young women who have been in your situation, and who have made every choice about parenting or not parenting.  www.girl-mom.com  (there's a hyphen)

I hope your aunt will be a strong advocate for you.  This is all highly important and you sound like a smart person who is trying to figure out what is best and how to be strong.

1)  Yes, name your baby.  This is your child.  Get her or his birth certificate immediately before you sign any TPR (termination of parental rights).

2) Sounds like you're looking into open adoption.  Stay in touch as much as you possibly can.  

Look into the laws in your state because in most states, you have no legal recourse if the adopting parents decide to close the adoption.  

Here's a website with some information about open adoption.  http://www.openadoptioninsight.org/   and you can look up your state's adoption laws here, at the Cornell University link  http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/Defaul...

3)  Tricky one.  Two part answer.  

Before you have given birth and gotten to know your baby and had some time to decide, no.  Do not get close to any prospective adoptive parents.  You need to be able to make your decision with a clear mind when the time comes.

Assuming you decide after having and meeting your child that you will give her or him to some prospective adoptive parents and you work out a well-negotiated open adoption (seek free legal aid if necessary!), then it would be entirely up to you whether or not you want to be close to the other parents.

I would hope that you would have chosen well and that they would remain ever respectful of your relationship as the first mother of your child, but unfortunately one can't predict in advance.  Even if they are kind and loving and open, it might be emotionally painful to you to remain close to them.  Therefore, the answer to #3 isn't clear.

4)  See #1.  You shouldn't help name the baby, you should name your baby before you ever give her or him away.  This is your baby.  S/he will appreciate having been named by you, her/his mother.  To not have been named by one's own mother is a sad feeling.  

Also, your baby's name should not be changed by anyone, except perhaps by adding on the new family's last name.  To change the name would be disrespectful.  

5)  This one is easy.  Absolutely not.  You should have no one in the delivery room except for family or friends who are personally supportive of you and your baby.  There is absolutely no rush toward adoption.  It can wait.

If you read up on what happens in the hours and days right after birth, you will learn that it is a highly important time for the well-being of both the mother and the infant.  No one should disturb you two.  

Any self-assured and well-educated woman who wants to adopt your infant will know about this time and completely respect it.  After all, if she will eventually raise your child, she would want the very best and healthiest start for her/him, and the healthiest and most respectful treatment of you, right?  You could ask your aunt to videotape the birth if you would like to somehow share that later.

A prospective adoptive mother wants a baby, any baby.  Perhaps because of her situation, this may be understandable.

You, on the other hand, have only this baby, your firstborn child.  If you decide on adoption, she will happily and gratefully take your child at any age.  

Do not let anyone related to adoption in the hospital with you at any time.  No social workers, no agency representatives, no lawyers, and no prospective adoptive parents.  You don't need that pressure, and you are still absolutely free to choose adoption.

6)  Yes, absolutely.  This is highly important to both you and to your baby.

A few last thoughts.  You haven't mentioned your family situation, parents, the father of the child.  I can't tell if you are aware of many programs and resources available to young mothers with infants.  There are many.  Check at Girl-Mom.com if you need further information.

Advocate for yourself and your child.  This is probably the first time you will be dealing with so many adults with so many strong opinions.  You can do it.

Be strong.  I wish you did not have to be strong, I wish there were someone helping you through.  Your pregnancy may have been unintentional, but that does not make you stupid.

Remember, you owe no one your child, you are the mother, this is your decision.  You have committed no crime or offense by becoming pregnant at 15.  Hold your head high.

It may be difficult to sort through the varying opinions here.  Read carefully to see who has the best interest of you and your child in mind, not the best interest of other parties, and that will help you make some sense of the many responses you are sure to receive.

All my best wishes to you and your child.

Answer 18

I would name the baby.  It's your last gift to the child.  The one thing that if you never see them or talk to them, is from you.  (Even though they may not know it until they are 18)

I would try to stay in touch.  But all this is really up to you and your comfort level.  For the baby, it would be best though.  At least so in the future they have your information in case they want to contact you themselves.

as for 5 and 6....that is whatever is comfortable for you.  Unless I was close to someone, I wouldn't want them in the delivery room.  Regardless of if they are the amom or not.  It's your body.  And for the first few moments after birth, it's your baby.

Answer 19

Adoption is NOT about giving your baby MORE, unless you mean more head trips, typical agency drivel.

I would encourage you to try to parent, you can always relinquish later, think about it, one of my oldest friends got pregnant at your age, she raised her son and is now  has a doctorate degree.

Young women have been having babies since the dawn of time.

This child will always be yours, Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 20

Not to confuse you more, but I wonder should you give up your child? That is such a huge decision at any age. Be sure your reasons are not circumstancial, because circumstances change.  If you feel pressured or threatened to do this, don't do it.  If you have absolutely no desire to be a mother, no love for your child, then  you are making the right choice for you.  My little brother is adopted. He grew up in a loving family, but to this day he desires to know and be loved by his birth mother.   He's 20 now, and she still doesn't want to be in his life, this hurts him.  I catch myself thinking "whats the big deal you have a whole family that loves you,  why isn't that enough?",.but for many adopted kids it isn't enough. They don't understand how or why some one would give them up...it stays with them for life.  I wish my families love were enough, it simply is not.  He may have lived "a better life", but no one understands the pain these children carry with them.  I am not against adoption, I love my brother and I am glad he was and is in my life, I guess I am just trying to say that adoption is better than abortion, but adoption is not a miracle fix.  It has life long consequences for both you and your child. If keeping this child is absolutely not an option for you, I am sure you will find the answer's to all your "should I's?",  I guess this is my long way of saying, only do this for the right reasons, and a reason good enough to not second guess or regret later in life.  To let an adoptive parent bond with your child to only take your baby back later is cruel and harmful to everyone.

Answer 21

ok, no family wants to adopt a baby when the mother of the baby is still in the babys life, if you are , there going to agree and than in the a copy weeks ,there going to move without telling you and you will never see them again. the all point why there adopting is because they want a kid of there own.and if you go to the delivery room where there going to have your baby, you won't let them take the baby away trust me. i gave up my baby to a family i trusted, i was 15, now i'm trying to find my baby couse i know i made a big, big,big mistek. look, i know you're to young, but you gonna grow up thinking about your baby alot. you will even want your baby back when you grow up. you start looking for her or him. and trust me that baby will hart you for giving her or him up.trust me. i'm going throwth it right now. trying to find my baby. please, i know you're to young but don't give up your baby. because you're aways going to have this feelings coming to you everyday.why did i give up my baby.you will never for give your self.

Answer 22

i just went through the same thing your going through. its very scary and i think you are doing a great thing!

is it an open adoption?

1) Should I name the baby.    i didnt, but you can. just realize that the family isnt obligated to keep it the same. maybe ask them when you have chosen the right family.

2) Should I stay in touch or just send birthday cards every year.     this is really up to you. their are good things and bad with each option.

3) Should I be close to the family I am giving to.   again, up to you...

4) Should I help name the baby.

5) Should I have the woman who will be the mom be in the delivery room.       i would wait to make that decision until youve decided on question 6. but having someone in the delivery room that your not completely comfortable with...well i wouldnt suggest it.

6) Should I see the baby after birth.     this is the hardest question, and i cant answer it for you. do u want to? know that if you do it is harder handing her to the family.

.....this is a really tough situation, i know you must be freaking out right now. my e-mail is [e-mail] if you have any questions or need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me!

o...and also, open adoptions can be legally binding. mine is!

Answer 23

Well i guess all that is up to you. I was adopted and my birth mon choose a wonderful family for me.I dont think you should name the baby the adoptive family can chang it anyway . As i hope you do. I think if you choose not to ever se the baby you will regret it later in life.You should try and stay close with the family so you can keep in tuch if wanted.If you feel comfortabe with the women being there and she chooses to be there, thats fine! since she WILL be the mom.BUT before you do put your baby up for adoption you should reall think it over i know people who had babies that young and managed mind you it WONT be easy but there is help out there. But if you feel adoption is the best thing then thats Great too. give you a better chance for a better life and the baby may be happier if youc an care for it and also the family that is adopting, will be blessed with a little baby they probbly cant have. Never mind all these a**holes who are against it, they dont know what they are talking about..Okay you do what you think is best! Im sure everything will work out just fine. Just make sure the family you choose is a loving happy family and also make sure the can afford to have a child and all that stuff.And if i were you try and say intouch with the family mabyee see the baby once and a while, i alway knew i was adopted and i always knew my birth parents but not until i was like 9-10 did i know who they actually were. Good luck buddy.

Answer 24

I think that you should take these situations as they come.  I think that these kinds of things are hard to decide beforehand.  Give yourself some time, take some pressure off of yourself.  When the situations arise you will know what to do.  

By the way, I don't think you need to sound strong.  You already are strong, you are doing a beautiful thing that majority of pregnant teens DONT do.  Just be honest and open.  Tell them that you aren't sure about some things right now and you like to take them as they come.  You are the baby's mother, you call the shots.  

  Your  baby is so blessed to have a mom like you.  Good luck, I don't know you, but, I am proud of you.