Should I STAY or LEAVE???

Question

Your Question

Should I stay or leave?

I have been married for over 5 years to a man who has a 18 year old. This step.... has never had any respect for me (until something is needed). Because of this, I have asked him several times to send her w/her mother, but his mother/family has such an influence over that decison. This "step" has said she wish i would drop dead, carved in my furniture, threw out my daughter's toy's, books etc., lie, steals & you name it. My husband has NEVER wanted to go to counseling let alone send her. Instead, he just yells at her and she still does it. My relationship with "step" has severed to the point we live in the same house and don't speak. She threaten my 4 year old and slaps her then lies. REMEMBER SHE's 18!!!!!

On top of this all, my husband and I have not been on great terms for 3 years and this tops it off. "Step" has been like this since she's lived w/ us (7 years) and she's just getting worse and he can't see it. I have two battles in "his house". Should I stay and keep hoping or leave?????

Sincerely ~ A million more tears!!!

Answer 1

You should stay.

The daughter is 18, and it is time for you to work on your marriage and talk one on one with your husband.

Your four-year-old needs you now and your husband. The step needs to understand that as his spouse, she must respect you.

IF she can't, then she must leave the house. It's not the choice of someone else outside of the house. If the husband isn't willing to step, then you leave. Your child needs you strong.

Answer 2

Sorry for what ur going through,must be hard,why doont you talk to your husband en her ,let them know there should be peace in the house en if the step child cant change why dont  u take her to a boarding collage when she can be away ,or back to her mum,be carefull or u will have problems the whole life,en that's not the reason to leave stay en solve the problem en know its teenage time so much changes so have to be prepared

Answer 3

Speak up to your husband and try to make him understand what this 18 year old ADULT is doing to your marriage.  If he will not help in the matter, which seems to be the case, you may have to leave him.  This adult (child) should be out of the house and have a job and a place to live on her own.  

Answer 4

Your husband should understand what is going here. Does he realize she is disrespectful or he doesn't care. Tell him he will regret his not caring attitude when you leave. Because his daughter should be leaving soon too. Anyways what ever the case..the lil brat needs to be on the streets. I am sure she will get a attitude adjustment quick! And talk to this husband of yours.  

Answer 5

I have two step children and I do know your pain..if she is 18 yrs old why don't you ask her to leave?? if your husband sees what she is doing to hurt the marriage and does nothing about it ...I hate to say this but I would leave...you don't need the stress or for your little girl to live under the fear that her stepsister is going to hurt her.i'm sure already your little girl has stress too.

its not worth it..trust me...before you know it you will start to resent your husband because your life isn't happy and that he allowed this to happend.

something  got to give...things will get better if she moves out or maybe you and your daughter will have to..just to have peace.

I know its sad and what a price to pay...good luck to you.

Answer 6

3 years you haven't been on great terms?? Maybe it is time to take action.

If this situation isn't safe for your four year old, then it would be best to get out of there. It probably isn't unsafe as you just said slaps, but you sure nothing else happens? I'm assuming they are sisters....sisters are allowed to fight, but she is 18 as you said, it is not acceptable.

This is a really hard situation as the girl is so old.

What was the relationship like before she moved in?

Do you think you could ever get that back?

It sounds like your husband doesn't care about the way she is treating you. So you have tried telling him she is making things hard for your relationship?

Only you can decide what is best for you and your daughter. I wouldn't blame you if you did leave.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

If it were me, I would pack my daughter's and my bags and leave.  If your husband cannot, or more likely WILL NOT, see the damage that his ADULT daughter is causing then it's time for you to go.  Hopefully this will cause a reality check for him.

You stated that you live in "his house".  That again says to me that it's time to stand on your own two feet.  It is a sad reality that his daughter is manipulating him to this extent.  You have a responsibility as a mother to take every action necessary to protect and provide your daughter with a SAFE and loving environment to flourish in.  You also have a responsibility to yourself to be happy!!!!

Hopefully your husband will wake up when you are gone, until you leave the situation I do not think he will see the light.

I wish you all the best and will be thinking of you and your daughter.  Good luck to you both!

Answer 8

You should seek family counseling. Don't throw in the towel just yet.  Good luck!

Answer 9

you should stay, she is 18 make her leave