Should I Stay in Marriage after 25 years.......?

Question

I have been married for over 25 years. Over the last 10 -15 years, I have grown very unhappy with the marriage. We don't argue or fight. He is so different from me and we seem to have huge differences in our opinions on many things. It didn't really bother me at first. But now that our children are grown, he annoys me almost all the time. I have given up my entire life for the last 25 years doing all the things which he likes and wanted me to do. Which was staying at home taking care of him and the children, working only for him, etc... Now that I want to do something for me, it seems that he is non supportive.

I am no longer in love with him. I have tried to recapture the love to no avail. The sexual attraction is gone ( a long time ago). He doesn't seem to care about his grooming and/or appearance. I make simple suggestions to improve and he rejects them. About 5 months ago, I had a brief affair and I told my husband about it. He forgave me and we stayed together. The affair was not about love; it was just nice to have someone that seemed attracted to me and seemed to enjoy talking to me. He asked me then if I wanted to say and I said yes. Now I wonder if I should have left. I don't know if I should continue to stay in this marriage or just end it and try to enjoy some of my life.

Answer 1

are you ready to be single? i hang out in bars and most women over the age of 35 are single and looking. find it very hard to get someone interested enough in them to make them a wife. guys will chase you as long as they are married. when you are single you are now a threat. so after 25 years of marriage there must have been something there at one time. try taking a vacation alone and think it over.

a biker once told me secret to long marriage is taking your showers together and your vacations apart. time apart is probably what you really need. the biker is happy at 35 years of marriage and counting.

Answer 2

So sorry to hear about your marriage..here's a song for you>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtdOpnCBL...

Answer 3

If you choose to stay, stop whining. If you choose to go, don't live a life of regret. You consciously must allow yourself to take chances and live your life. You gave most of it away already to satisfy others and now you are the only one responsible for making you happy at this point. (It should have been that way all along!)

So, if you stay, don't blame anyone else for ANY UNHAPPINESS YOU MAY EXPERIENCE IN THE FUTURE. If you go, look for happiness and don't live wondering "what if". You've had the "what if I stay" scenario and it got you nothing. Good Luck with common sense.  

Answer 4

My parents should have divorced at 25 years of marrige. They are even more miserable and it's now up to about 35 years of marriage. You have one like to live, honey. Grow some confidence.

Answer 5

Ann,

There are ways to rekindle the fire, and re-establish your marriage.

You have to do it in counseling, you obviously cannot otherwise.

Before you chuck the marriage, give it all you have to save it first, not only for you, and him...but the kids too. It would be an awesome witness of courage to the kids not to mention a lesson on commitment for their own marriages sake.

If counseling fails due to your husbands lack of ambition or self motivation, then you can say you did all you could.

I'm new out in the world after a long, nasty marriage and divorce, and I simply won't date because the quality of people out there at our age is practically zero. It's really hard to find someone who is not hiding behind a mask, that only comes off after the honey moon phase.

My wife failed to work towards reconciliation or what we needed to move forward, so I recognize the agony of being in a sexless, passionless marriage. My divorce was started in 1997 and is just now wrapping up! So your talking to Mister Practical Experience on this!

Our daughters moved in with me, and I just want to be an example for them. IF they want me to get involved with someone, maybe, maybe I'll put my toe in the dating pool, but my commitment right now is to show them how to stand on your own two feet without a relationship first. I want them to know independance first, and then interdependance with their spouses.

That's my take on it!

Wally

Answer 6

You sound like my ex-husband, only HIS affair led to a divorce after 24 years.

Go ahead and do the selfish thing, and hurt your kids and husband.

Don't, like, try to save it...

People like you make me sick, sorry. I've been on the other side, and it hurts like a bltch to be rejected without putting any effort into making it better.

Answer 7

He didn't' make you give up your entire life for him and the children. You chose to do that.

Just like you can chose to leave him now and start over again by yourself or with someone new.

Its that simple.  Just make a decision and stick to it.  

Answer 8

if it isn't making you happy then you should leave

Answer 9

You are just reaping what you sowed.Guilt isn't so great is it.

Answer 10

What do YOU want to do? This is a question to which you and you alone hold the right answer.  

Answer 11

OMG, I've been with my husband for a little over 6 years and in the same boat.  I've even went through the short affair.  My problem is I have a 3 and 4 year old.  Over the last year I've been counting down until my kids are grown so I can leave him.  Please do whats in your heart.  Live the rest of your life by yourself happy or with someone else who makes you happy.  I know I don't want to be 90 years old and regret how I lived my life.  Good luck and God bless.  And remember your a good strong woman who can do whatever you put your mind to!!!!

Answer 12

since we only have one life to live, my first answer would be to get out and seek happiness, but before you give up,maybe it's time to have a separation and find out if divorce is what you really want, but find out if he also feels like he want the same thing or is willing to change, remember you can always find something new in something old

Answer 13

get rid of him.

get yourself a toyboy.

Dont get into another serious relationship for as long as possible. Join clubs and social activities and start making friends and doing all the things you havn't been able to do over the last 25years.

My Granddad died when my Nan was 53, she was upset and started joining groups and meeting ppl, tho she misses him she is much happier now than when he was alive and looks younger than she did 8years ago!

Go and enjoy your life.

Answer 14

If you felt you had to post this question then i believe in your heart you already know the answer

Answer 15

This is something you need to ask yourself, not us. If your really not happy then I would leave. You only live once and I see no point in living a miserable life. You need to do what is right for you, not what is convenient.