Should I Tell My Parents That My Lil Sister Has Been Sexually Active?

Question

I am the oldest of 5 and there is a 14 year age difference between my youngest sister and I. We have great parents but they are very traditional and stuck in their ways, last year my sister (who was 13 at the time) came to me and said that she had s*x with her boyfriend (I had no idea that she had a boyfriend) and wanted me to help her get bc. I was devestated, pissed, and so sad but, on my husband's advice, took her to Planned Parenthood and got her on bc... Here's my diliema, my sister is doing well, is no longer having s*x, and has turned into a good student. My parents have no idea what happened and at the time we decided that because of their beliefs that it would be best to keep it from them but now that I have a daughter the guilt of me not saying anything to my parents is killing me!!

Answer 1

Doing that was very noble of you, and keeping that trust is very important.

I have an older sister, and tell her things along the lines that your sister had told you.

I know its hard keeping things from your parents, but your sister came to you in confidence, as she didn't feel she could tell her parents.

You should be proud of your sister for being responsible, and be proud of yourself for doing what you have.

A sisters relationship, is one that you will have for life, they are like a best friend, if you break that trust, things might not be the same again.

But its up to you, i hope this has helped.

And i hope things go well for you

Take care

x

Answer 2

I think that after all the time that has passed it wouldn't be nice to worry and fuss your parents over something that happened ages ago. What good would it do? I don't think your sister would appreciate it either. Try and forget about it, it is in the past and enjoy your daughter :)

Answer 3

talk with her about sexual activities..and that she should talk with your parents and be honest about it..some how she could end up pregnant later..then things would really be upsetting for everyone..she needs to stop..too young to be sexually active..

Answer 4

I don't think it's up to you to say anything to your parents; your sister may see it as a way for you to hurt her, even though it's obviously not meant to be that way.

Talk to your sister; tell her how it makes you feel in your own family situation, how you're proud at how well she's doing at school and when no longer having s*x. But explain that you need the truth to come out because of how it's making you feel, she may say no to it which is totally understandable, but I'm sure if you're friendly, she'll be more confident.

I hope that makes sense (:

Answer 5

whats bc,anyway i think you shouldn't tell them i don't think she would like that and plus its in the past leave it there you said that she is better now and if you told your parents she probably wouldn't talk to you I'm no expert but you do love her don't you so don't muck up you relationship  

Answer 6

don't tell them, not only would you break your sister's trust, you may get her in trouble. you should just keep quiet and be there to help her when she needs it.

Answer 7

You should not tell your parents to relieve your own guilt. At this point it sounds like your little sister has learned from the experience and matured.

What positive purpose would it serve to tell your parents other than unloading your burden. I would thank God that your sister had the sense to go to you in the first place because she has trust in you and you would be honest in handling the situation.

Good luck.

Answer 8

no reason to say anything to them now.  The time to say something was when you first found out about it but you decided to handle it differently out of concern for your sister.  

It's done and over and she's not doing it any more, but your parents' reaction will be the same as it would have been in the begining and you decided that was not in your sister's best interest then--that hasn't changed.  If you tell then you unnecessarily upset your folks and you betray your sister's trust.  She will NEVER turn to you again when she needs adult guidence and is too afraid or unable to go to your parents.

Keep lines of communication open with your sister.  Encourage her to talk to your parents.  Only tell your parents when she is presently engaging in behavior that is dangerous to her or  will affect or impact your parents lives.  make it clear to your sister that those are the only reasons you will tell your parents something that she has come to you to discuss.  Also make it clear to your sister that you will not lie to your parents for her and if they ask you specific questions about her then you will not lie to them, but that you will also give her a heads up when they ask those questions.

Answer 9

no - id say just leave her bee if shes doing ok now. just tell her your there if she needs to talk

Answer 10

I wouldn't tell them.  She trusted you enough to come talk to you -- if you ruin that by telling your parents she won't trust anyone, will keep it to herself, and probably get in a lot more trouble than just having s*x once.  

Answer 11

What's the point in worrying them? Your father really won't want to hear that. It's all on You I'm afraid.

Answer 12

Would have said yes if you'd asked at the time she first came to you, but I agree that it's definitely too late now. I don't see how you could really approach the subject anymore.

Answer 13

if you tell your parents then she's not gonna have anyone to talk to about her future problems because she will no longer trust you and she's obviously not gonna tell her parents about her issues. if it does get serious again then i would consider possibly telling your parents.  

Answer 14

I hope its true that she is not having s*x again but I feel you have already over stepped your bounds by taking her to get birth control (THAT is when you should have told if at all)  

I wouldn't say anything at this point.  Your sister trusted you completely .....do you really want to mess that up now? especially with her doing so well.  

Answer 15

You need to tell your parents, I also have a younger sister and I knew she was having s*x and just did what I could to help her be safe without getting her in any trouble. Now, she is 18 & having a baby.

This could happen to anyone and chances are if your sister has had s*x before she will again and I think your parents need to know. Your sister probably feels very comfortable talking to you, seems you have a close bond between the two of you, but you need to let her know her secrets are safe with you UNLESS you fell that she is in harms way & in that case you will go to her parents for more guidance on how to help her. She will get angry with you but at least you will not feel responsible if something were to happen. & like I said, she has done it before so it probably wont be long before she "falls in love" with someone else that she if gonna spend the rest of her life with and do it with him as well. Also, your parents have a right to know that their 13-14 year old daughter is on birthcontrol. You need to tell them as soon as possible, they will probably be a little upset with you & her going behind there back and making such a huge decision without them, but they will feel releaved that she does come to you( someone they have instilled their values into) for advise rather than someone else who may not provide her with any good guidance. I think if you sit your parents down and talk to them about everything things will be fine!!

Good luck to you & your sister!  

Answer 16

you decided not to tell your parents then so why does it bug you now??she lives her own life at the end of the day..and if you would tell someone she'd hate you hence her age...just let her tell them herself when she's ready and if she is ready...good luck

Answer 17

Unless if there is a really big problem like her having HIV or something, I wouldn't tell them. You would only worry them and on top of that, make your sister hate you for telling them. She trusted in you to help her, don't break that. Best of luck.

Answer 18

I'd keep quiet for now, especially since your sister is doing well and isn't currently sexually active and is doing well in school.  When she needed help she came to you because she trusted you.  You don't want to alienate her by telling your parents.  Be happy that she trusts you.  Maybe you can sit down and talk to her and mention that she should tell your parents what she did, but don't do it for her.

Answer 19

yes she is young, but what business is your sisters s*x life to your parents. you wouldnt discuss your s*x life with em would you?. as far as your sisters concerned, she has told a responsible adult (you) and she has told you confidentialy, so please dont break that trust that she has placed in you. it would effect the good relationship you so obviously have. clearly your sister has decided that s*x isnt for her after trying it, and is waiting to mature a bit, so leave it be. you would feel more guilt in your betrayel to your sister than you do at the moment.

Answer 20

I think you handled it correctly at the time.  your sister trusted you and you were able to help her.  There is no need to tell your parents.

Answer 21

Well, that's a tough one!  I am the youngest of 3 siblings and the only girl.  I was sexually actgive at an early age also (I am now 27).  I would probably have killed my brothers if they told my parents I was sexually active.  I would have seen it as a huge violation of trust.  Now that I am older, I don't know how I would feel.  Do you think it would break your parents hearts?  If you know about this and you can keep a watchful eye on your little sis, then I say keep it a secret.  Please just make sure she is being safe. But, if you must tell your parents, be prepared because I have a feeling your sister will be very upset with you.  In time, it will pass.  I never stayed angry with my brothers for long.  Did I mention that my oldest brother is 14 years older than me too!  Good luck and follow your heart!

Answer 22

I would not worry your parents about it. Best left alone now. It is a good thing your little sister trusts you so much. You should feel complimented.

Sometimes is is easier for her to talk to you instead of her mom. As long as you put her on the right track you should not feel guilty.

Answer 23

You did the right thing, and i think there is no need to tell your parents, it is up to your sister to tell them when she is ready. She came to you as a sister and trusted you as a sister, telling your parents would place you into a 'parent' role and she will feel like she could not confide in you anymore. Be proud of the relationship you and your sister have, do not brake it.

Answer 24

I think, that at the time, you did the best possible thing for your sister.  You supported her.  As you say she has now moved on in her life, but I am sure she will be grateful for your support when she looks back.  x

Answer 25

If she is no longer have s*x with anyone, then I would forget it.  If she was, then I would have gone to my parents and told them.  That is too young for anyone to have s*x with anyone.  You did the right thing!

Answer 26

Please sit down with your sister and tell your parents but make her responsible for telling them. She has put you in the middle of this because she is to caught up to know better. Remove yourself from the equation go with her as support but do not i repeat do not be the one who tells them and do not be the one who gives her permission to practice this behavior, birth control gives her the permission not THE safety because she can Still get pregnant or she is still open to disease so you never want to be blamed for reckless endangerment of a minor that is a legal term but that is what you will be doing  

Answer 27

if you wanted to tell them, you should've done so when she initially came to you.  it's too late now.  you know she's using protection.  definitely, talk to your sister every so often about using condoms to protect herself from stds.