Should I X my dad out of my life for good?

Question

I am 22 now and my problem is that my dad is barely involved in my life. My parents divorced when i was 3 and he was out of my life till i was 10. And thats when i met him for the first time. Through 10-12 i visited him a couple weekends a month and then he moved to Florida (i live in NJ). So obviously i seen him less when that happened.

So he would make random calls up to age 18, holidays/b-days (at this point in time hes living in NY) or so and since then he calls me and just makes no efforts to come see me. He makes empty promises thats he is going to come see me. The thing is he also has no drivers licsense and wont for the rest of his life (Got in to much trouble), but he gets everywhere he needs to go regardless and he ALWAYS uses that as an excuse espically after he broke a promise. I havent seen him in about 2-3 years. He didnt come visit me when i was pregnant or come see my son when he was born (thats his first grandchild) and he still hasnt (my son is now 10 months).

It makes me so upset that i dont even want to talk to him let alone see him now. And i notice when he calls im starting to ignore them and not call him back. I also stopped accepting gifts from him (like my b-day/holidays) b/c I want (well wanted) to see him not his money...

Is this wrong with what im doing or how im feeling? Am i over-reacting or no? And if I should stay in contact with him how do i get over these negative feelings toward him? I just can't think of him with out getting upset.

I'm ready to completely stop all together talking to him for the rest of my life.

Please answer my questions and any advice will be greatly appreciated

Answer 1

Wow. Sorry, but I'm happy I'm not in the same situation. That's tough. I really wouldn't talk to him. Maybe like one more goodbye phone call would be ok to tell him how you feel or you could write him a letter. What does your Mom think?

Answer 2

As difficult as it may be, it seems the answer is right in front of you.  He is already X'd out of your life.  You just remember that you are not at fault for anything and look to the people that DO matter in your life.  The ones who DO love you and show you by their actions.  I am sorry you have that situation but I promise you your Heavenly Father is much more faithful that your earthly father.

Answer 3

no your not over reacting. alot of ppl have divorced parents but if thats how you feel you should tell someone how you feel that you know that cares about you like a sister or brother or a best friend that could really help!

Answer 4

It depends on your choice. If you don't want to see him anymore, then don't. But if you get the feeling that you still want to see him, you should tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels about it (honestly) and don't forget to tell him EVERYTHING. As in, like, "I get the feeling that I never want to talk to you anymore because..."

Make your decision after doing this. If he still says he'll see you but he doesn't, then forget him. Tell him that, too.

Answer 5

I can see that you are angry at him for NEVER being there for you. If you want to stay in contact with him it will probably have to be on HIS terms and when it is convenient for HIM.If you want to have any contact with him you will have to understand this; If not then you should answer one of is phone calls and tell him not to call you anymore as you will not be answering his calls - then hang up, Now that you are an adult you do not have to explain your decisions to him or anyone else.

Answer 6

I don't think you should stop talking to him.  he is your father.  yeah, he hasn't always been there for you, and isn't being the best father right now, but he is still your father.  maybe he is trying, maybe he really really wants to see you, but just can't do it.  maybe he is making the effort of calling you, and then just gets too scared to follow thru cuz maybe he is ashamed.  you don't really know how he feels about the whole thing.  Next time he makes you a promise, say something like "don't make a promise you can't keep dad.  it hurts too much when you break it."  if he knows that you aren't expecting him to follow thru, maybe it will make him want to prove it to you.  if he feels like you don't care, why would he even want to follow through?  maybe you could mention your son when you talk to him and tell him you think it is stupid and irresponsible that he hasn't seen his grandson yet.  ask if he wants to be a part of his grandson's life because he wasn't a part of yours.  and, I think you should just try to leave that relationship open.  don't believe him when he promises you anything, he doesn't deserve your trust.  and, if you don't get your hopes up about him coming, you wont have to be disappointed when he doesn't come.  but, at least he is still making the effort to call every once in a while.  that is a step for him.  and, I think your son will want to know his grandpa for himself, without your hard feelings for your father (which are not irrational, all of us would feel them.) influencing your son.

Answer 7

It's not wrong I'm going through the same thing and the way I see it is he wasn't there for the bad times why should he be there for the good? And in your case he doesn't even want to be there for the good which is ridiculous!

Sounds like he is very selfish just like my "dad" is i haven't seen or talked to him in over 5 years and I'm doing just fine. There comes a time in your life when you realize he doesn't care and even if you want so badly to think he does...that isn't going to change the fact of what he's showing, and as we all know you can SAY something all you want but you have to SHOW it for people to believe it.

You're better off alone honey and it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job. Don't let people tell you that you're wrong for doing this, it's your choice and people who's fathers have died will probably tell you you'll regret it but you know what their father's didn't have a choice to leave, yours did, and so did mine. It's not your fault he has issues and you can't blame yourself for any of this. Good Luck!